This Waitress is Prettiet Than My Wife
This Waitress is Prettier Than My Wife is a song sung by Peter Griffin and Glenn Quagmire in the episode "Into Harmony's Way".


Both: This waitress is prettier than my wife
I could kill my family with a knife
We'll sail around the world by ship
I'll give my whole wad as a tip
But first I'll kill my family with a knife
Quagmire: Yes, he's gonna kill his family with a knife
Peter: Irregardless of this waitress, I will kill them with a knife


  • This song uses a very similar tune as "Why the Hell Do You Brush Your Teeth at Work?".
  • Peter uses the non-existent word "Irregardless" in this song, which is grammatically incorrect as it's a double negative. What he meant to say was simply "Regardless".
  • In the uncensored version of the song, the lyric "I'll give my whole wad as a tip." is replaced with "I'll slip her one big purple tip."
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