The Theme Song is the theme song for Family Guy.
Lyrics
Condensed Version
Lois: It seems today, that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV.
Peter: But, where are those good old fashion values?
Chris/Meg/Stewie/Brian: On which we used to rely?
All: Lucky there's a Family Guy.
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do.
All the things that make us
Stewie: Laugh and cry.
All: He's ... a ... Fam ... ily
Guuuuuuyyyyy!
Extended Version
Lois: It seems today that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV,
Peter: But where are those good old fashioned values
On which we used to rely?
Brian: It used to be, a big time star
Was elegant as Garbo or Hedy Lamarr
Stewie: But now we get whores like Jenny Lopez
You want to curl up and die!
Peter/Lois/Stewie/Brian: Lucky there’s a Family Guy!
Lucky there’s a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Stewie: Laugh and cry!
Peter/Lois/Stewie/Brian: He’s a Family Guy!
Lois: When I was young, the songs were fair,
With Mr. Johnny Mathis and Sonny and Cher,
Chris: But now we get Justin Timber-homo.
Meg: Oh how’d it all go awry?
Chorus: So awry
Brian: The classic films were works of art
The images were graceful; the stories were smart,
Stewie: But now we get Matrix Revolution
I’m sorry, I know this doesn’t rhyme, but what the hell were you Wachowski brothers thinking?
All: Lucky there’s a Family Guy!
Lucky there’s a fella sweeter than vanilla,
Wholesome as a piece of
Stewie: Apple pie!
All: He’s a Family Guy!
Lois: His smile’s a simple delight.
Chris: He lets me see the boobies on the internet sites.
Lois (Speaking): Peter!
Meg: He bought me my cute little hat!
Brian: Yeah, we should have a talk about that.
Chorus: About that!
And his hat!
Brian: He’s mastered the comedy arts.
Stewie: He says, “Look out Hiroshima,” then casually farts.
Lois: He’s loaded with sexy appeal.
Peter: And best of all my titties are real!
Have a feel…
Brian (Speaking): No, thank you.
Stewie (Speaking): I gave at the office.
Chris: The Brady Bunch has got their Mike,
Meg: And pretty Laura Petrie has Dickie van Dyke.
Lois: But who around here could fill those loafers?
Chorus: Well, here’s a happy reply.
Lucky there’s a Family Guy!
Lucky there’s a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Stewie: Laugh and cry!
Chorus: He’s...a...Fam..ily...Guy!
All: He’s...a...Fam...ily...Guy!