Take a Letter
Take a Letter is an episode of Family Guy.


Lois gets a job at the post office.


When Lois becomes concerned about Stewie's day care, she wants to send him to an exclusive preschool. While at the post office, she finds that Cleveland has a job with them and takes his suggestion to come work for them when she admits they need money. On her first day, Cleveland shows her around and provides tips on snooping through the mail. When Mayor West drops off an undeliverable letter, she offers to sort though the dead letter bin and see if she can properly match the correct address on some. While doing this, she finds a letter from Peter to a woman dated just a week before their wedding.

She takes her concerns to Bonnie who suggests that she mail it to see what it may be about. She delivers it personally and meets Gretchen, where she finds out that she is his former girlfriend and is told that Peter was simply happy to be getting married. Gretchen shows up at the Griffin home and reveals that the letter really said that Peter had doubts about his impending marriage and she pressures him to start their relationship again at the risk of her informing Lois of the letter's true content.

While they are out for coffee, Peter tries to explain that he really loves Lois and Gretchen seems to accept this with the condition of a final concert date. Peter continues to feel guilty, and when he leaves, Gretchen's mood changes. At the post office, Lois hears noises but dismisses them. Gretchen texts Peter about solving their problem. Meg interprets this for Peter, informing him that Gretchen is a spurned girlfriend psycho, and he rushes in to the post office as Gretchen pulls a gun on Lois. She reads the letter at Gretchen's insistence and he explains about being scared of disappointing her and of her family who hated him. However, Lois is still angry and seems to give up, but when she steps away, Gretchen starts to move toward Peter and Lois decks her, explaining that she faked being angry with Peter to get Gretchen to drop her guard. Lois admits that she was scared about their wedding too, but she loves Peter as well and is happy about their lives. To show their appreciation for each other, they try to make love on opposite sides of a letter box, but Peter's penis gets stuck.

At Corridors, Stewie gets invited to a play date with a well-to-do student. During the visit, he is impressed by the home but when he is pressured to show off his home on a reciprocal date, he struggles to find a place to host it so it won't be seen that he is poor. Taking his concerns to Brian, they “borrow” a mansion from a television pitchman and follow up on a suggestion to host a party for the entire class. While throwing the blast, the owners come home and they are all kicked out. Stewie finds he is ostracized, not for being poor, but for lying AND for being poor.

In the end, Lois gets fired for Peter's antics and for her decking Gretchen and Stewie quits the preschool.


Major Roles

Minor Roles


Lois: I don't want Stewie in that school anymore. It seems like it's really gone downhill.
Stewie: She's not wrong to worry. There's a sign in the bathroom that says "If it's brown, let it mellow." Sometimes it crests the toilet lid.

Cleveland: Oh no, it's that Amazon drone! Try to ignore it.
[A talking Amazon drone flies over Cleveland and follows him]
Drone: Hey, Cleveland, what are you doing? Taking a walk?
Cleveland: No, I'm delivering mail.
Drone: By foot? Yeah, that won't take too long. Well, gotta go. Gotta deliver these fat pants to your fat son.
Cleveland: He was harsh, but not untruthful. We gotta special order Junior's pants that manufactures grill covers.

Bonnie: You could always just ask Peter about it.
Lois: No, he won't talk about anything serious, unless there's a crackling fire the punctuate uncomfortable family revelations.
[Cutaway to Peter and Lois talking in front of a fire place]
Lois: I didn't fall off the roof, I jumped.
Peter: I never found you attractive, and once more, I never respected you.
Lois: I know about Maurice.
Peter: Which Maurice?

Stewie: I'll be as popular as the first kid in school to get his driver's license.
[Cutaway to a kid in school with a bunch of girls surrounding him]
Girl 1: Hey, I heard you got your license. Maybe after school, you could take me to get some groceries.
Girl 2: Yeah, or maybe you and me could hop in that car of yours and do some grocery shopping.
Girl 3: Looks like you have a roomy backseat. I can't wait to fill that with groceries after school.
[Stewie comes up on screen, and asides to the fourth wall]
Stewie: Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

[Peter opens the door and sees Gretchen again for the first time in years]
Peter: Gretchen? Wow, you look great.
Gretchen: Yeah, I didn't have kids.

Gretchen: Well, my answer is yes, Peter. Yes, I will marry you!
Peter: Gretchen, I am already happily ... moderately hap ... I am ... I am married.
Gretchen: Oh, then I suppose your wife is entitled to know that you were still in love with me, just days before your wedding.
Peter: Blackmail!
[Cleveland shows up on screen giving Peter his mail]
Peter: Thank you, Cleveland ... and I don't know what to call the thing you're doing to me, lady!

Stewie: Please let me explain! I was just worried you wouldn't accept me because ... I'm not wealthy like you.
Chadley: Stewie, it's not that you're poor. It's that you lied to us and you're poor.

House Owner: Excuse me, is one of you Chadley? You left your wallet inside.
Stewie: [mischievously] Chicka chicka!
House Owner: Well, that "chicka chicka" makes me think that you're not Chadley.
Stewie: Oh no, I "chicka chicka-d" too early!

Peter: Ooh! A text! [reading text] I'm taking care of our problem. We'll be together soon. Love, Gretchen. [to Meg] Meg, you're kind of a loner psychopath. What does this mean.
Meg: Oh, this woman is clearly a spurring lover who's planning to kill Mom.
Peter: Ah, thank you ... Aaaaah! ... You're a good dog, Meg ... Aaaaah!

[Peter and Lois make out]
Lois: Oh, Peter.
Peter: Now, let's get it on through a PO box.
[Peter is seen with his body pressed against the PO box, with Lois being heard on the other side]
Lois: Peter, this isn't working.
Peter: Well, I'm in full go, are you sure you're in the right box?
Lois: Yes.
Peter: Box 528?
Lois: Yes, 528!
Peter: Alright, just reach in and grab it.


  • Peter's original address was "1111 S. Grove Ave., Quahog, Rhode Island 02555".
  • Cleveland Junior needs to special order his pants from a company that makes grill covers.

Cultural References

  • Flat Stanley refers to the lead character in a series of children's books and apps.
  • The "Peter catcher" is a reference to the child catcher from the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
  • The sound Stewie makes when he believes he may be able to get Chadley's wallet is the hook from "Oh Yeah" by Yello, notable for its inclusion at the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
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