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Take My Wife is an episode of Family Guy.


Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are playing poker in Peter's basement when Lois, Donna, and Bonnie inform them that they have booked a couples-only vacation to the Bahamas, although Quagmire discovers that this leaves him out. To watch the kids, Lois arranges for her father Carter to stay at their home. On departure day, Quagmire shows up with his new girlfriend Kimi, whom he met online, and Lois allows them to come. Upon arriving, they settle in, but discover that the resort is actually a relationship counseling retreat. The men are upset at being tricked and only participate halfheartedly. Noel, the counselor, determines that the couples are poorly matched and decides to change them to new pairings like Peter and Kimi, Lois and Cleveland, Joe and Donna, and Quagmire and Bonnie. This experiment actually works out well for the most part. Although some partners get jealous, particularly Lois over Kimi's pairing with Peter.

Meanwhile, the kids are all occupied with their electronic devices and ignore Carter, who takes away their devices and insists on showing them how to have fun the old-fashioned way. He tries to take them swimming, play jacks and exercise but they are not receptive to the idea. Carter then teaches them pranks, which go well, and they soon adjust to playing the old way.

Displeased with Peter and Kimi's pairing, Lois threatens to leave considering the counseling trip as a mistake. Just then, a Bahamian rebellion breaks out and Noel is killed sending the couples running with Peter accidentally shooting down a passing plane with a flare gun when he tries to signal it for help. After that failed, the group flees into the jungle to avoid the rebel Bahamians while trying to make it to a landing strip on the other side of the island. Eventually, they are all captured in various ways like Kimi's phone giving her and Peter away, Quagmire shouting while urinating, and Cleveland stopping to scratch his back on the trees. When Quagmire tries to reason with the Bahamian rebels, the lead rebel states that they have gotten tired of the American tourists and him getting tired of being asked if he's the guy from Captain Phillips. The group is then threatened with execution as they discover they are not as compatible as they believed. They are led out two-by-two with sacks over their heads as gunshots are heard. As Peter and Lois are the last ones left, they admit their love for each other as they are led out and gunshots are heard again. Upon the sacks being removed from their heads, Peter and Lois suddenly find out that it was all staged by Noel (who faked his death) to help couples find their true love. Everything is alright until Noel learned from Peter about how he accidentally shot down a passing plane while trying to get help.

Carter declares that it is Dyngus Day and the Griffin children must find a girl and tap her with a branch. Peter and Lois return from their trip and turn on the TV. The kids resist the lure of the television only momentarily before they are hooked again upon watching a show called "Police Chases That End in Fire". The Griffin family then continues watching "Police Chases That End in Fire" as Carter leaves their house.

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