Stew-Roids

Stew-Roids
	Season 6, Episode 13
Air date	December 9, 2007
	List of Episodes
Previous; New Star Stew-Dent	Next; Movin' Out (Brian's Song)

Stew-Roids is the thirteenth episode of season six of Family Guy. It is the one hundred and twenty-fifth episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

Peter forces Stewie to use steroids when he gets beaten up by a girl. But ends up creating a monster

Plot[]

During a backyard party at the Swansons' house, Stewie gets into a fight with Joe's baby daughter Susie, who beats him up. Ashamed by the fact that his own son got beaten up by a girl, Peter takes Stewie to the Quahog Boxing Gym to learn how to be a man. One of the instructors at the gym gives Peter some steroids to give to Stewie, who becomes incredibly buff and macho as a result. With his newfound girth, Stewie begins to revel in bossing the family around to the point where it disturbs the entire family. After about two weeks of the insanity, Peter hosts a private family meeting without Stewie knowing to talk about Stewie recent behavior and tells them that he came up with a plan to stop Stewie and if they work together, they can take Stewie down. They attempt to do so by ganging up on Stewie, but he successfully fights them off thanks to his more boost in strength and the fact he's had more experience fighting off people. Though thankfully, just as he's about to deal a blow to Brian, the steroids wear off, making his skin incredibly loose and flabby. Stewie jumps out of his bedroom window to avoid the Griffin's wrath, only to have his loosened skin help him glide to safety as the episode ends with the Griffins chasing after Stewie.

Meanwhile, Connie D'Amico, the most popular girl at school, has hooked up and broken up with every popular boy in school, so she goes out with Chris with the intent of making him popular before breaking up with him. However, when they go out, Chris honestly falls in love with Connie, something no other boy has done with her. Connie decides to stay with Chris, but his newfound popularity goes to his head and he starts cheating on her. Now unpopular, Connie teams up with Meg, who Chris had not invited to a party at their own house, and they publicly show a video of him dancing like "Buffalo Bill" from The Silence of the Lambs, destroying his popularity. Chris makes up for his behavior to Meg by vividly describing how wonderful it felt to be popular.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Quotes[]

Peter: My baby boy got beat up by a girl!

Stewie: What was weird was that she was crying, but the way she was standing over me made it look like I was crying, which was weird.

Brian: Stewie, you look gross. You look like Lou Ferrigno's poop!

Stewie: I look like a guy who's been hitting the gym!

Brian: It has nothing to do with the gym, you're on drugs!

Stewie: It doesn't matter how you find the pot of gold, B to the rian. All that matters is that you beat the leprechauns.

Brian: That doesn't make any sense.

Stewie: It doesn't have to make sense when you look like this!

Stewie: What's goin' on, B-minus?

Lois: Peter, what exactly are you worried is gonna happen because of this?

Peter: World War V.

Lois: Peter we've been over this...there has to be a World War III and IV first.

Peter: Oh no-oh no that's the beauty of World War V, Lois. It's so intense it skips over the other two.

Lois: Peter it doesn't wor...

Peter: [Interrupting] I HAVE SPOKEEEN!!

Stewie: Uh-oh! Spa-doodie-ohs!

Peter: Now let's sit here and watch Spike TV.

Spike TV Narrator: Spike TV! Full of stuff men like!

[Braking car]

[Punching sounds]

[Flushing toilet]

[Fart sound]

[Gunshot]

Woman: Ahhhh!

Spike TV Narrator: Yeah, that stuff!

[In the basement, Peter flicks the lamp on.]

Peter: [to the family sans Stewie] We're all here? Good! So, about Stewie...

Brian: Peter, keep it down! He's got ears everywhere!

[Meg turns on the washing machine]

Meg: I saw this in a horror movie once. He won't hear us over the noise.

Peter: We all know what been up with Stewie as of late...

Lois: You mean how our baby is now a steroid monster?

Chris: And has been fighting anyone who dares talk back to him?

Meg: Making us unable to sleep at night at risk of getting beaten up?

Lois/Chris/Meg/Brian: Thanks to your decisions?

Peter: Now look guys, I know I fucked up our baby, and he might kill us when we least expect it. But it doesn't have to be.

Meg: You mean we go out on our own terms? (pulls out a bottle of Ambien and a Sylvia Plath novel) I got the supplies. Whatever happens, happens.

Peter: What? No, th-that's just dark. I mean that if we combine forces, we can stop Stewie's reign of terror.

Chris: Uhhh, how exactly are we gonna do that? He has the steroids, remember?

Peter: Well, I got a plan for that.

Brian: Better make it quick. We're almost done with the spin cycle

Chris: [In regards to what it was like to be cool] It was like basking in the warm glow of a higher intelligence, as it envelops you and allows you to become part of its everlasting glory.

[Long pause as the family reflects]

Stewie: I flew today.

Stewie: I am hotter than phone sex with a blind girl.

[cutaway]

Man: So, what are you wearing?

Blind girl: I don't know.

Peter: And I will see the Keaton Family next week.

Lois: And you listened to him?

Peter: Yes, I believe anything anyone says anywhere.

Stewie: I got veins. They carry blood all over my baddy. That's how John Mayer would say it. Baddy. I'm really into him right now. You'd better be okay with it!

Chris: Wow, my favorite! PB&J with the crust cut off. What did you get?

Meg: Your crusts.

Chris: That's it?

Meg: No, I also got an orange peel and a picture of Mom eating a turkey leg.

Meg: [shows Connie her scars] You see this, Connie? This is from when you called me "Sticky ass cow" in sixth grade. This one is from when you made a plaster cast of my vagina Freshman year! You want my help? You can go fuck yourself!

Chris: [off screen] Hey, Meg! THINK FAST! [A javelin gets thrown into Meg's shoulder] HAHA! Loser!!

[While the students enjoy the party, Meg is upstairs in her bed, crying, while Lois tries to comfort her]

Lois: Aw, Meg, sweetie, why don't you go downstairs and join the Party?

Meg: I wasn't invited! I hate Chris, he's such a jerk!

Lois: Look, he's just confused with who he is right now. I'm sure deep down he still loves his big sister.

Meg: I HATE MY SCHOOL!! I HATE EVERYONE!!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!

Lois: [Sighs] Okay, look Meg, I've been at this for 45 minutes, I don't know what else I can say. Here's a Sylvia Plath novel and a bottle of Ambien, I'm gonna look the other way and Whatever happens, happens.

Connie: Hey, Meg. Nice posture. Get lost!

Meg: Thank you.

Connie: Now, who are the biggest losers in this school?

Gina: Well, there's Smiley McGee...

Smiley McGee: Hellooooooooo.

Connie: Naw. I hear he's a bedwetter.

[Chris and Connie are holding hands and walk down the school hallways, running into the jocks]

Jock #1: Hey Griffiiin!

Jock #2: Griffaaaahh!

Jock #3: Griffamunnooooh!

Jock #4: [Complete gibberish]

Chris: Wow! The jocks haven't ever said hello to me before!

Jock #1: Hey Chris, c'mon lets corner the nerds and call them gay and make them show us their penises!

Jock #2: [Laughs] Won't that be gay of them?

[Later]

Jock #3: Chris, I can't believe you dissed Connie at your party! That was awesome!

Jock #1: Yeah, I heard about it when I was making that gay, nerd spoon with me.

[Later again]

Jock #4: Chris Griffin's a freak!

Jock #2: What a loser!

Jock #1: [Standing up] I'm gay, alright?!

Chris: [In regards to what it was like to be cool] It was like basking in the warm glow of a higher intelligence, as it envelops you and allows you to become part of its everlasting glory.

Lisa: Oh my God, he smells like Fred Flintstone's ass!

Fred Flintstone: Hey! ...No one's askin' you to smell it.

Chris: Wow, my favorite! PB&J with the crust cut off. What did you get?

Meg: Your crusts.

Chris: That's it?

Meg: No, I also got an orange peel and a picture of Mom eating a turkey leg.

Connie: Hey, forget the pep rally. You wanna go see a movie?

Chris: Cool! Maybe we can go see that new movie Distracting Trumpet.

[cutaway]

Businessman: I want to thank you all for coming out here today. [a man behinds playing the trumpet next to the table where the meeting is taking place We got a serious situation down in the Bronx. Our friend needs to get a message to the short man in the hat. [the trumpet playing is getting louder] He needs to deliver this message before the construction site contracts are handed down. [the trumpet man is now playing very loud and drowning out the businessman] It's of vital importance that these matters be attended to! So we may have to bring in a friend from Yonkers!

Businessman 2: What?

Businessman: I SAID WE MAY HAVE TO BRING IN A FRIEND FROM YONKERS!!

Connie: Gina, have you seen Chris?

Gina: Yeah. He's over there.

Connie: Chris! What are you doing?

Chris: Getting scraped to death by my zipper.

Connie: You bastard! How the hell can you be cheating on me? I'm the one who made you popular!

Chris: No, Connie. Beating up that Jewish kid made me popular. Come on, girls! Let's go upstairs and make out!

Peter: Oh, no! Connie's been hurt! I guess I should lie on top of her to keep her warm. [lies on top of Connie and looks to the audience] What are you looking at? It's a cartoon!

Songs[]

Goodbye Horses
I've Got Veins
Six Pence of Coal (deleted)

Stew-Roids
Season 6, Episode 13

Air date	December 9, 2007
List of Episodes
Previous New Star Stew-Dent	Next Movin' Out (Brian's Song)