Brian Gets Circumcised
Short Cuts is an episode of Family Guy.


Brian becomes a national hero for performing a public act of heroism, leading to him meeting an old friend that he's never seen since he was on the farm, who convinces him to get neutered. Meanwhile, Lois cuts her hair short without Peter's permission and Peter gets so mad that he tried to out-embarrass her.


Brian Meets George
When Brian is chased out of Goldman's Pharmacy, his attempted vandalism ends up knocking out a robber. When he is hailed as a hero, some of his previous acquaintances reconnect with him including Shredder, now a well-to-do dog going by the name of George Townshend. George convinces him that the only thing holding him back from greatness is not being neutered. After thinking it over, Brian agrees, despite Stewie's attempt to get him to reconsider. When Brian goes off for the operation, Stewie discovers a secret in one of George's books and sets off in pursuit. Once strapped down, Brian finds out that George is really after revenge for his leaving him for Peter before being gassed and the operation begins. Stewie arrives and stops the operation in mid-procedure, with Brian losing only a single testicle in the process. They convince George that his revenge was at least partially satisfied and because of Brian, he achieved all that he had in the meantime, with Brian's missing testicle being replaced by a jester's bell.

Lois Gets a Pixiecut
Meanwhile, despite Lois' interest, Peter draws the line at her getting a shorter haircut, but she does so anyway. The guys convince him that to get back he should become to annoying to ignore. However, she decides to play the game his way and becomes annoying right back. When things come to a head, they end up making mad passionate love in the kitchen. but afterwards when Lois asks Peter's opinion on her haircut, he still insist that he hates it.

Having been absent for the episode, Meg tries to tell about her big weekend away as Peter calls repeatedly for the closing credits. Noting that they're finished, Brian walks away to the sound of jingling bells.


Major Roles

Minor Roles


Stewie: Look at this, Brian. Genderless baby announcement.
Brian: It's a they.
Stewie: Good for they.

Joanna: I'm getting my friend a birthday card in Spanish ... but he doesn't speak Spanish! [laughs]
Stewie: Oh-ho-ho-ho! He's not gonna know what it says! Oh, you're bad.

Mort: Go on! Scoot! Get out of here! Or I'll do the cliche pharmacy price check jokes.
Brian: You wouldn't dare.
Mort: [over the intercom] Yes, I need a price check on extra small condoms!
Joanna: [offscreen] [laughs] That's the last thing he'd wanna announce! [laughs] Oh, God!

Brian: Can you believe he threw us out? That's discrimination! It's just like what happened to those blacks at Starbucks.
Stewie: Those blacks?

Lois: Look at this picture of Shailene Woodley. She's so talented and overrated and weird. I love her. Isn't her hair cut cute? Maybe I'll get my hair cut short too.
Peter: Wha-n-no! No way! I forbid it!
Lois: What? You can't forbid that.
Peter: Yes I can. That's the one thing men are allowed to control about women. That and your uterus and how much money you make and also everything else.

Peter: Establishing shot!

Tom: We're here with local hero, Brian Griffin, who recently foiled a robbery at Goldman's pharmacy, which by the way is getting its's ass kicked by the CVS across the street.

Stewie: Shredder? He sounds like a ski instructor with a full beard who plays average guitar and never texts me back.
Brian: He's a dog I used to run with back when I was living on the street. I haven't heard from him in years. I'm actually surprised he's still alive. He just drank all the time and tried to get laid. Hard to be friends with someone like that.
Stewie: Yes, it is.

[Peter tries to throw a paper airplane into Chris' butt as the latter bends down to get a dish out of the dishwasher; the latter farts just as the airplane gets near his buttcrack, which redirects the airplane to fly out the window and hit Joe in the eye]
Joe: [offscreen] Ow, my eye!
Peter: Dammit!
Chris: Ha ha! Nice try, dad. Looks like your paper Malaysian airline just redirected it's course.

[Lois enters with a pixie cut]
Peter: Excuse me, sir but this is a private residence.

Peter: You look like Anne Hathaway in Les Misera-
[Lois slaps Peter across the face]
Peter: [cowering] You're right. You're right. I'm-I'm sorry.
Chris: Dad, how could you? That was horrible!
Peter: I'm sorry! I said something terrible! I know!

Chris: With your boobs and her hair everybody's gonna think you're a lesbian couple.

George: So, Brian. Do you wanna know how I did all this?
Brian: I really do.
George: I got neutered.
Brian: [winces in discomfort] But why?
George: Getting neutered eliminated all distractions and allowed me to focus solely on my work. Sometimes you have to literally cut out the things that hold you back.

Brian: I love that book, Charles Dickens by David Copperfield. Writing was his real magic.

Peter: I just don't understand. One minute I got a hot ginger wife and the next, I'm married to Ron Weasley.
Quagmire: Well, it could be worse. The real Ron Weasley was getting it on with Emma Watson one minute and now he's forced to pretend he gets his wand waving at some goofy-lookin' baby boomer just for the sake of representing interracial couples.
[Screen shows Bert and Sheila sitting at the booth next to them, dressed as Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, respectively]
Sheila: And we couldn't feel more included.
Bert: Cheers to inorganic diversity.
[The two clink glasses]

Cleveland: Donna wears a wig so I rarely even see her real hair but when I do, it looks like an old faded sweater that needs to be depilled.

Peter: The punchline is it was 9/11.

Brian: I'm gonna write an inspirational book about my life and I'm calling it The Holy Brible.
Stewie: Please don't.

Brian: I've always believed I was destined for a life like yours but something was holding me back. Now I realize, it was two things.

Stewie: Brian, are you sure about getting neutered?
Brian: I am. You've seen everything George Townsend's accomplished. That's the life I've always dreamed of.
Stewie: Yes, but how much do you really know about him? Have you read his books?
Brian: Course I've read his books. They changed my life. Look, Stewie. This is a huge step for me and if you can't support me, well then maybe I should cut you out of my life too.
[Brian storms off into the closet]
Stewie: Brian, that's a closet.
Brian: [offscreen] I know. I have stuff to do in here.

Bentley: Hey. You want a half of my sandwich?
Peter: Oh. Yeah, very cool Bentley. Who made this?
Bentley: My wife.
Peter: Oh, you-your wife with AIDS?
Bentley: She doesn't have AIDS! She did a walk for people with AIDS!
Peter: But presumably there were people with AIDS at the walk?
Bentley: Yeah but you can't get-
Peter: That's a no on the sandwich, Bentley.

Lois: I've rededicated my life to Christ.
Peter: Oh, that's really bad!

Chris: So, dad. How are you getting revenge on mom now?
Peter: I'm gonna make one political donation with Lois' email address, so she'll be screwed for life!
Chris: Uh, ... that's going down a slippery slope. Don't you think? ... Who, in politics are you supporting exactly?
Peter: I'm donating one dollar to funding Trumps' border wall.
Chris: [appalled] WHAT THE FUCK!?
Peter: [ashamed] I know, I'm taking it too far.
Peter: I know. I-I-I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Chris: Well, delete that first of all.
Peter: Okay O-Okay, I'm deleting it. See? I'm deleting it right no-Oops, I accidentally sent it in.
Chris: [mortified] WHAT!?
[Cut to Lois, Bonnie, Donna, and Kimi at the Coffee Shop]
Kimi: I don't care what Peter says. I think your hairdo is hot.
Lois: Thanks, Kimi.
Donna: Cleveland didn't appreciate it when I got a new wig. I got a ridiculously huge afro like Diana Ross. He got an afro like Bob Ross.
Bonnie: There's a lot of "Ross" celebrities with big afros.
Kimi: Hey, Lois! Look, you're on TV!
Lois: What?
[The girls look at the TV that shows a news report with Lois' picture on screen]
TV Announcer: This is Lois Griffin. The only person in America, who actually donated to fund Trump's border wall.
[Screen cuts to a live interview of Donald Trump]
Donald Trump: I am very pleased that after five years of me being president, that I was finally able to garner a whopping one dollar toward my wall. My migrant workers are already getting down to business.
[Screen shows a Mexican guy carry one single brick and set it down on the border of America and Mexico]
Mexican: Hecho.
Donald Trump: So beautiful. So divided. Once again, I'd like to thank Lois Griffin for this generous donation. Lois Griffin, you are truly a Trump supporter.
[Cut back to the Coffee Shop; Lois' friends (as well as everyone else in the shop) stare her down in anger]
Lois: Uh, ... I-I do-I don't understand. I never ...
[The owner of The Coffee Shop enters]
Owner: Lois Griffin. I'm gunna have to ask you to leave.
Lois: But I-
Owner: Get the hell out of heeeeere!
[Lois runs out of the Coffee Shop]
[The owner sets up sets down a single brick outside of the shop]
Lois: Oh, lord. Please help get me out of this one.
[Jesus is shown up in Heaven]
Jesus: Oh, hell no! You can't get help from me, when you're worshipping Satan.
[The Devil is shown in Hell]
The Devil: Whoa, hey! Don't compare me to him!

George: You abandoned me. You promised we'd be there for each other forever. Then the minute Peter Griffin came along, you just got in his car and left me.
Brian: I was gonna come back and get you and-and then-and then Trump happened and ... and ... all that.

Meg: So, anyone wanna ask me about my week? ... Kind of a big week for the Megster ... Big envelope in the mail ... Yep, early admittance ... Day 1, August 26th. Clean slate.
Peter: Closing credits.
Peter: Closing credits!



  • This episode's title is a joke on how Lois cuts her hair short and how Brian cuts his testicles short.
  • Mort enforces a "No Dogs Allowed" policy at Goldman's Pharmacy.
  • Not wanting to continue an argument with Lois, Peter Griffin breaking the Fourth Wall, ordering an establishing shot to start off the next scene.
  • During his homeless years, Brian used to be friends with an alcoholic, nymphomaniac dog named Shredder, who lived in Quahog Park with him. When Peter picked up Brian and took him home with him in "Brian Griffin: Portrait of a Dog", Brian promised Shredder that he'd come back for him but he never did. Since then, Shredder got his shit together, renamed himself "George Townshend", got a real job, worked his ass off, and eventually became a successful multi-millionaire and national hero, who completely outranked Brian in terms of money, life, and overall success.
  • Bert and Sheila are Harry Potter fans.
  • Cleveland claims to have never seen Donna's real hair under her wig, despite having seen it multiple times on The Cleveland Show.
  • Brian starts writing a new book called "The Holy Bri-ble".
  • Brian goes to a Karate class, where he's always getting beaten up by a little kid.
  • All of the employees at the Pawtucket Brewery shun and bully a guy named Bentley because his wife participated in an AIDS walk.
  • One of Brian's testicles gets cut off and replaced with a jingle bell.
  • Meg doesn't appear until the end of the episode, announcing to her family that she got into college.

Cultural References

  • Brian brings up the racial injustice of "Those Blacks at Starbucks". This is possibly a reference to an incident that took place at a Philadelphia Starbucks in 2018, where two black guys attempted to use the bathroom at a Starbucks, only for the manager to stop them and tell them the bathrooms were for paying customers only. The two black guys got mad about this rule and flipped out, leading to the manger calling the police, who promptly arrested them. People wanted to turn this into a race thing and started protesting this Starbucks, claiming that the black guys were only arrested for being black. [1]
  • Mort notes that Brian's rock knocks out the last of the Munich gunmen, referring to members of a Palestinian terrorist organization killed eleven members of the Israeli team and a German police officer at the 1972 Olympic games.
  • Brian sees a Volkswagen Karmann Ghia, a German-made car with a body designed by the Italian firm of Carrozzeria Ghia.
  • The Jews say they're going to throw a party in Brian's honor with Pepsi and Planters peanuts.
  • The Jews sing a song to the tune of Hava Nagila.
    • In an alternate take of said deleted scene, The Jews sing a song to the tune of Four Jews in a Room Bitching from the musical, Falsettos.
  • Lois reads Us magazine.
  • Goldman's Pharmacy goes down under because of a CVS opening across the street.
  • Brian opens a Sizzlers restaurant on Quahog.
  • Stewie mentions a relocation of Seinfeld to Chicago, following a trend of several shows being located in that city that was noted over the previous few years. [2]
    • When Jerry asks about the south side, he stops Kramer from interjecting. Michael Richards, the actor who plays Kramer, was filmed making a racist rant during a comedy show. [3] The south side of Chicago is known as 'Bronzeville' for its large African-American population. [4]
  • Brian refers to the book about David Copperfield, written by Charles Dickens, erroneously thinking it was a book on Charles Dickens, written by David Copperfield.
  • Peter compares Lois with her new hairdo to Ron Weasley from the Harry Potter franchise.
    • Quagmire tells Peter it could be worse and reminds him that the real Ron Weasley is currently dating an unattractive black woman. This is a reference to how Hermione Granger was played by Noma Dumezweni in the 2016 Harry Potter broadway play rendition of "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child".
  • Peter tells a story about what he was doing at work during 9/11.
  • Peter gets a Fandango golf visor from the premiere of I Feel Pretty.
  • George Townshend makes a phone call with some big companies, people, and concepts like Tesla, Apple, SpaceX, Kendrick Lamar, Drone Technology, and Hemmingway.
  • George Townshend has a video conference with Nicaraguan prince, Daniel Ortega.
  • Stewie watches a 4 hour long documentary on The History of Jazz, by Ken Burns.
    • In said documentary, Burns talks about famous American saxophonist, Charlie Parker.
  • "The Stewie Decimal System" is a pun on "The Dewey Decimal System".
  • Brian blames Trump for his abandonment of George Townshend.


Deleted Scenes

  • Stewie checking out a Fairuza Balk movie.
  • Mort and Brian talking about the wet hairs on the end of the latter's penis.
  • A bunch of Jews throwing Brian a party with terrible food.
  • Peter says the only person who looks good in short hair is Halle Berry's boobs.
  • Tom gets anxious and weird around his new intern.
  • George Townshend lands his helicopter on Tom Cruise.
  • Cutaway of an amateur photographer annoying Peter.
  • Entire scene of Brian trying to write a novel and ending up watching porn.
    • This is followed by a cutaway of Warren Beatty and Annette Bening.
  • Brian explains his joke about his balls.
  • Mean 7th graders throw footballs at Peter.
  • Stewie touches a library shelf that has homeless sperm on it.
  • Peter says he's going to learn his waiter's name and use it.
  • Lois says she's going to get really into Halloween, which disgusts Peter.
  • George Townshend says he ate Brian's testicle.


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