Peter Acting Moronic
Shanksgiving is an episode of Family Guy.


Peter purposefully gets himself arrested, to avoid eating Lois' gross Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Stewie marries a prisoner.




Major Roles

Minor Roles



Lois: We're having people over! I just got off the phone with my mom and all the Pewterschmidts are coming here for Thanksgiving.
Peter: I can't believe you invited the whole family. You know I hate big Thanksgivings.
Lois: Don't worry, Peter. It's gonna be fun and I can handle most of the prep, myself. I just need you to go to the market and get some extra napkins.
Peter: That's not so bad.
Lois: Oh, and pick up some wine for the adults.
Peter: I can do that.
Lois: And put the extra leaf in the dining room table.

Joe: Bonnie's sister is married to a real show-off.
[Cutaway to Bonnie's sister visiting]
Bonnie: Denise, Wendell, it's great to see you.
[Wendell enters, being a man with ALS]
Joe: Wendell.
Wendell: Joseph.
Joe: It's just Joe, I think you know that.

Cleveland: Donna's cousins are two thirds of Tony! Toni! Toné!
Peter: Which ones?
Cleveland: The "E" and the "I".
Peter: Aw, no Tony with a "Y".
Cleveland: That is correct. We lack the alpha Tony.

Ida: I wish I had given you more siblings, Glenn.

Police Superintendent Chalmers: Swanson!
Joe: Police Superintendent Chalmers!
Police Superintendent Chalmers: My brother is superintendent of the schools in Springfield. Our parents divorced, when we were very young. I was raised entirely by our mother. He, by our father. We've never met. There's a lot of backstory and you four are under arrest!

Police Superintendent Chalmers: You guys think your the first ones to have this idea? The jail's already full of dads, getting out of Thanksgiving.

Brian: You have prison pen pals?
Stewie: Yes, a lot of people write prisoners. Even Hollywood celebrity, Kal Penn.
Brian: Kal Penn writes a prisoner?
Stewie: Yeah, Ken. He lives in California. You've never heard of Kal Penn's pen pal, Ken in the Cal Pen?
Brian: How could I possibly have heard of Kal Penn's pen pal, Ken in the Cal Pen?

[Benjamin and Estrella enter]
Estrella: Lois Griffin, my great granddaughter! As I live and breathe!
Chris: Great granddaughter?
Meg: [asiding to Chris] Not gunna be living and breathing for long, are we?
Lois: Grammy! Gampi! So good to see you! [to the kids] Kids, this is your great great grandmother, Estrella and her husband, Benjamin.
Benjamin: And who might you young girls be?
Chris: I'm a boy!
Benjamin: What!? Sheesh, son. Get a damn haircut!
Meg: Ha ha! Looks like for once, it's you who's getting misgendered!

[Olav I enters]
Olav I: What the fuck is with this house?
Carter: Olav! How are you, gramps! Brian, this is Olav. The oldest living relative of the Pewterschmidt family.
Brian: Oh, he's the oldest? How old is he?
Olav I: What the fuck!? That dog can talk!?
Carter: He was born in 63.
Brian: 63? Well, that's not that old. In fact, wouldn't that make him younger than you?
Olav I: Not 1963, navelfucker! The year 63 A.D.!
Brian: What!?
Carter: Yep, he's my 1,956-year-old 50x great grandpa.

[Cleveland joins the Black Mafia]
Cleveland: I am Kareem Abdul Jableveland.
Peter: You know Muslims can't drink alcohol, right?
[Cleveland quits the gang]
Cleveland: I am Cleveland Hurricane Carter.

Olav I: People living in this day in age are so damn privileged. They don't know what real suffering is all about. You think that Donald Trump is a bad president, well, try living through the unholy reign of Lincoln!
Meg: You thought Abraham Lincoln was a bad president?
Olav I: Damn, right.
Chris: Wow.
Brian: Many people would disagree with you.
Olav I: Well, did any of those people live through his time, personally?
Brian: Well, no I ... I guess not.
Olav I: Exactly. Let me tell you what Dishonest Abe did to this country and you can tell me if Trump in any way compares to it. First of all, this bullshit made-up holiday, wouldn't even exist if it weren't for him. He thought that verifying a holiday that was founded on the integration of Whites and Indians was more important that focusing on the God damned Civil War!
Brian: But didn't Lincoln help us win the Civil War?
Olav I: US!? [scoff] You're one of them aren't you? No, that bitch made us lose the war. And then to add insult to injury, he created the emancipation proclamation, which did nothing but-
Lois: Okay, I think we've heard enough out of you.

Stewie: Okay, so, ... so, what I need is someone I can work with ... Can you be that person?

[Great Grandpa Benjamin plays Heads Up and his show is Gilligan's Island]
Lois: Okay, it's a show. It's a comedy abo-
Benjamin: Annie, Get Your Gun.
Lois: No, a show, Gampi!
Benjamin: That is a show. I remember going to that Broadway show when I was a young-un.
Meg: No, it's on TV.
Benjamin: Oh, the new stuff ... Poirot?
Lois: What is that? I've never heard of that.
Benjamin: What!? You've never heard of Poirot? You're kidding!
Estella: It's a Belgian detective on PBS, we just love it.
Benjamin: And you've never seen it!? It's a classic!
Lois: Okay, so back to the game. This show was about people getting stranded on an island.
Chris: It's about seven castaways. There's a professor and a millionaire and a movie star!
Benjamin: Poirot!
Brian: No, we already said it's not Poirot. It's about people who took a three hour tour ...
Benjamin: No it's not, it's about a Belgian detective. It's on PBS.
Lois: The title character is played by Bob Denver.
Benjamin: It's pronounced David Suchet.
Stewie: Who's that?
Chris: I'm gonna guess Poirot.
Meg: It's not Poirot!
Lois: Dammit, just pass!
[Benjamin skips it and it goes to Roman J. Israel, Esq.]
Lois: Okay, this is a movie ...
Benjamin: Roman J. Israel, Esq.!

Peter: Come on, Peter. It's him or you and ... and he's not so great. Don't forget he's the one who told you all those Schoolhouse Rock spoilers. I had no idea that bill would become a law.


Deleted Scenes

  • The Griffins watching a commercial for random TV shows airing on random streaming services.
  • Trimmed dialogue of Peter and Lois talking about putting a leaf in the table.
  • Trimmed dialogue of Peter and Chris trying to put a leaf in the table.
  • Alternate ending to the "table leaf gag", where Brian tells Chris the table is stuck.
  • Joe saying that everything on Thanksgiving is pumpkin spice.
  • Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire arguing and Joe trying to break the up only to be shot down.
  • Alternate take on The Beer Bar Buddies getting arrested, with Peter rubbing a garden gnome on his crotch.
  • Peter saying "Wacky Mugshot Montage" before it happens.
  • Peter wasting his one phone call.
  • Joe making a bland political joke about Wall Street.
  • Joe making a bland political joke about congress.
  • Peter mistaking two prisoners having anal sex for two guys playing "leap frog".
  • Joe going in disguise as Chris.
  • Peter being surprised by the fact that Lois smokes.
  • Phil Spector discovering Stewie's musical talent.
  • Peter getting into a prison fight and losing all his teeth.
  • Slight dialogue trimming with The Beer Bar Buddies complaining about being abused by the prisoners.
  • Joe making a bland political joke about The Republican Party.
  • Peter analyzes some prison wine.
  • Joe and The Not Cops watching Die-Hard and complaining about the believably of it.
  • Peter showing Quagmire and MS-13 a watermelon seed, stuck to his butt.
  • Cleveland becoming a lawyer.
  • A prison guard mispronouncing "lunch".
  • Peter mispronouncing "lunch".
  • Several re-animated shots of Cleveland being in his lawyer costume.
  • Peter and a Neo-Nazi talking about the egg eating scene from Cool Hand Luke and later trailing off into a pointless conversation about businesses.
  • A tagline explaining Denzel Washinton making a Roman J. Israel Esq. movie poster.
  • Peter references to Brooks Hatlen bagging groceries from The Shawshank Redemption.
  • Chris getting caught watching his cousin, Katie pee.
  • Prisoners cheering for Quagmire and his sex doll.
  • The "Warden" explaining how he's not really a warden, via suspiciously specific denial.
  • Peter making a "BUTHOL" license place and his friends not understanding the joke.
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