Send in Stewie, Please is the 12th episode of Season 16 of Family Guy. It is an hour-long episode, completely uninterrupted by commercials, and the longest, most hyped up episode of Family Guy to date. It aired on March 18th, 2018.
After pushing a kid at school, Stewie sees a child psychologist.
Stewie gets sent to the office of his school's child psychologist, Dr. Cecil Pritchfield, where he makes uncomfortable small talk until Dr. Prichfield notes that he has strong opinions. Stewie brings up his accent, although the doctor fails to take note of it. When the doctor claims to have gotten to know Stewie a bit from just observing him after a short time, Stewie analyzes Prichfield's gay relationship in remarkable detail until the doctor observes that he is lonely, which brings Stewie to tears. He admits that he is something of an outcast at the school and they confront his pushing a student down the stairs. The conversation changes to Stewie's sexuality, which he claims to be heterosexual and admits plucking his hair from anxiety, and discusses his fling with world domination and his fascination with musicals. He has a temper tantrum about not being on Broadway until he sings Hamilton as he attempts to fight back hiccups and snot bubbles.
He takes up an offer of tea and the Dr. tells of his own youth in the blitz where he lost his parents and as passed around until he ended up in an orphanage in an attempt to show that he knows what it is like to treated as an outcast and compensated by being someone he wasn't. Stewie stops his long story and they return to Stewie's differences in fitting in as he admits he uses his persona to cope and drops his accent. He considers allowing his true self out but reconsiders when he faces being just like everyone else and returns back to his old ways. As he starts to take a sip of coffee, the Dr. begins to have heart trouble and Stewie allows him to die since he's seen through the facade just as the doctor's gay husband calls and demands a divorce. That night, Brian sleeps with him where he admits he has done something awful, but doesn't elaborate.
- Tyler (Mentioned)
- Barbara Maynard (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Michael Pirtchfield (Mentioned; Pictured; Voice Only)
- Lois Griffin (Mentioned)
- Peter Griffin (Voice Impersonated)
- Glenn Quagmire (Voice Impersonated)
- Elmer Hartman (Voice Impersonated)
- Tom Tucker (Voice Impersonated)
- Seamus Levine (Voice Impersonated)
- Carter Pewterschmidt (Voice Impersonated)
- Ida Davis (Voice Impersonated)
- Jake Tucker (Voice Impersonated)
- Jesus Christ (Voice Impersonated)
- Roger Smith (Voice Impersonated)
- Sebastian (Flashback)
- Deckland (Flashback)
- Fibit (Flashback)
- Nipernoodle (Flashback)
- Scoger (Flashback)
- Nonsense Word (Flashback)
- Brian Griffin
- Pritchfield: Send in Stewie, please.
- Stewie: So, after five minutes, you think you know me, is that it?
- Pritchfield: A little, perhaps. I am trained, Stewie, to observe things that give me an insight. And, yes, I do feel I know you a bit.
- Stewie: You do feel you know me a bit.
- Pritchfield: That's correct.
- Stewie: Mmm-hmm, okay. Alright, alright, well that's fair. Might I?
- Pritchfield: I'm not sure how this is going to help.
- Stewie: It will help you understand how much better I am, than you are, when it comes to "knowing people", after you've just met them.
- Pritchfield: Very well, then.
- Stewie: Thank you. I see you're on vacation in Rio de Janeiro in this photo with your partner, I'm guessing. Or is he your husband? Yes, probably wanted to make it official, didn't you? Never thought you'd see it in your lifetime. Blah, blah, blah, blah. At a quick glance, I'd say there's roughly a 26-year age difference between the two of you. Not quite large enough to raise eyebrows while still giving you a younger mind to shape. "Oh, you mean you haven't seen All About Eve, Gypsy, Valley of the Dolls?" Et cetera. And a younger body to make you feel more virile. Taking into consideration the math, he was probably born at a time when the most popular name was ... Michael.
- Pritchfield: [gasp] Why I ... that's ... that's true. His name is Michael.
- Stewie: Ta-da.
- Pritchfield: My, I'm astonished, Stewie, but how did you guess?
- Stewie: Oh, there was no guessing involved. I simply knew, based off of the information, provided.
- Pritchfield: Well, that certainly would be quite the spectacle, but knowing you, I'd deduce that was but, an eager guess.
- Stewie: Oh, really? An eager guess? Well, then, shall I continue?
- Pritchfield: Be my guest.
- Stewie: From the dog-eared pages of that volume of Shakespeare, I imagine you wooed Michael with a sonnet or monologue each day.
- [Dr. Pritchfield's eyes widen]
- Stewie: And no one had ever done anything so romantic as reciting Shakespeare for Michael before. And he was smitten. While not as physically attracted to you as you are to him, that's okay You each bring something important to the relationship. Isn't that what you believe, Dr. Pritchfield?
- Pritchfield: Why, yes, I suppose. [inquisitive] How did you know I wooed Michael, by reciting Shakespeare?
- Stewie: [smugly] Just an eager guess.
- Pritchfield: [suspicious] Continue.
- Stewie: I see a prescription for heart medication on that table. My guess is you keep that at the office. You don't want to worry Michael, you say to yourself, even though the truth is it embarrasses you. Your age, your mortality. Best to keep appearing as vital as possible. And no need to have reminders at home of what's just around the corner, is there?
- Pritchfield: Alright, Stewie. That's enough.
- Stewie: No, no, please. This is just getting good. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. You needn't be reminded of your inevitable future, which, is always far closer than you'd think. Too close for comfort, as I would say. And your office is your haven, since Michael doesn't work and is often at home, perhaps as a result of a low-level depression that you don't really want to get into with him. Oh, he always planned to have a career, but he could never settle on exactly what it was he wanted to do. And at first you liked having him at home to take care of the house and plan trips. So that's just what happened. "And that's a job, too," he reminds you over the years. Michael likes to travel, and he prefers the finer things. And you'd like to give them to him, wouldn't you? But it's a bit difficult on a child psychologist's salary at a Rhode Island preschool, I'd imagine. Fortunately, you don't have children, so you do have some disposable income. Oh, you have talked about it with other couples, just for show, probably at dinner with younger friends of Michael's who are starting a family, you know, to be part of the conversation, to feel included. But you said you preferred your trips and your rescue dog named after a character most likely from Dickens. Ah, how accomplished and affluent you both look in this photo. Just the image Michael is so desperate to project. Let's look a little closer, shall we? Now, I see you're both wearing Ralph Lauren Purple Label dress shirts that retail starting at $495. But from the disfigured button holes on one and the small discoloration on the other, I can see you bought them at the outlet in Providence. Probably third markdown, in which case, $49, give or take. Since you also have light jackets on, I can see that you went there during summer vacation, which is, in fact, winter in Rio, outside of the high tourist season. And I see that you're on the rooftop pool deck at the Fasano Hotel in Ipanema, the most exclusive hotel in all of Brazil. Michael would've been dying to stay there. Had a friend that went with his older boyfriend, who makes a lot of money in, most likely, banking, much to your chagrin. But even in August, it's almost $1,000 a night. You tell him people are starving in the streets in Brazil. How do you justify paying those prices? When the truth is, you simply can't afford it. It's for another class of gay people. The window that Michael is always desperately peering through and sadly on the other side of. But you do your best. You don't go on Airbnb, because you don't trust it, even though Michael has stories of friends who have found the most fabulous places. You like a hotel. Besides, it's more romantic, you tell him. But when you take him to the place you're actually staying, the one you found on Trip Advisor that was rated number 27 of all the hotels in Rio and was having a special rate of 295 U. S. dollars a night Which is still not cheap, you remind him, most people never get to visit half the places he's seen, you tell him you can't help but feel like a bit of a failure as you see the look of disappointment on his face as he enters the room. So you decide to go to the Fasano Hotel for dinner and drinks. No, just drinks, once you've seen the restaurant prices online. And once there, you can see how Michael begins looking at all the older men who can afford to take their boyfriends I'm sorry, husbands To such luxurious hotels. And you worry a little, that you're diminishing in his eyes with each passing year. But you tell yourself you're being ridiculous, as you see Michael glancing about the rooftop deck, looking at all the young men, men that would be 20 years younger than even Michael, men that you're invisible to. But he isn't yet, not completely, and you're jealous and you loathe yourself for it. But Michael wants a photo, and he says, "Let's take a selfie. " But you say, "Let's ask someone to take one of us" and make some tired joke about selfies that only you laugh at, wishing that you could take it out of the air as soon as you've said it, as it's just one more indicator that you're older than everybody here. So Michael calls over a young man wearing a tiny swimsuit to take the photo and makes a crude joke that embarrasses you. But the young man laughs, and he and Michael share a moment that you're not part of. And you feel humiliated and unseen. Which explains Michael's joyful grin and your slightly disconnected half-smile. And you've posted the photo on Facebook, and Michael's posted it to his 86 followers on Instagram You don't know how that one works To at least give the impression, in your Ralph Lauren shirts, holding your $20 cocktails, that you're both way more successful than you are. But it makes you feel a little dirty, the lengths you have to go to in order to keep Michael happy. And every time you glance at this picture, you wonder, "How long before he leaves me?" See? I guess we both know each other a bit.
- [long pause]
- Pritchfield: You seem like a very lonely little boy.
- Stewie: [bursts into tears] Oh my God, I am! I'm so lonely! [cries] You can see inside my soul!
- Pritchfield: It is creating a bit of a controversy. [pronouncing "controversy" as "con-traw-ver-sy"]
- Stewie: 'Scuse me?
- Pritchfield: A controversy.
- Stewie: I don't know what that is.
- Pritchfield: Controversy.
- Stewie: Contrawversy? [realization] Oh! Oh, controversy.
- Pritchfield: Apologies, those of us with British accents, pronounce it, "contrawversy". But how wold you know that?
- Stewie: Yeah, how would I know that? Look, Dr. Pritchfield, Cecil, if I may.
- Pritchfield: It's pronounced "Seh-sel".
- Stewie: Piss off!
- Stewie: I only pushed Tyler down the stairs because I like him and I'm afraid he won't like me back. And ... And not like him, like him, I'm not gay. This whole thing isn't because I'm say so, ... so calm down. I can already see you licking your chops. I'm sure you live for the coming out sessions. If anything, I'm less gay than I used to be.
- Stewie: "Fluid" is something I hear being tossed round a lot now, but I'm confident in my heterosexuality. That's a word, right?
- Pritchfield: Yes, of course. Now, would you say, you identify yourself as a bisexual?
- Stewie: Yes.
- Pritchfield: Ah, so this is a coming out session.
- Stewie: It is not. I've always been bi. Openly. I just, ... I just don't talk about it, all that much.
- Pritchfield: Am I the first person, you're telling this?
- Stewie: Well, I suppose, yes. Yes, you are. Uh, but that's just because it's never come up in conversation before.
- Pritchfield: So, you have, indeed, come out to me, yes?
- Stewie: Dammit!
- [Dr. Pritchfield tries to get insight into Stewie's character]
- Stewe: Well, I like to talk about world domination. Some people don't think that I talk about it enough anymore, but 'mind your own beeswax' is what I say to them.
- Pritchfield: When I was your age, I grew up in London, when The Blitz has just ended.
- Stewie: Good God, how old are you?
- Stewie: Everything about me is this carefully constructed persona, designed to keep people at arm's length. This isn't even how I really talk. [In an American accent] This is. This is how I talk. The accent is ... is nothing more than an affectation, a coat of armor to get me through the day, just an image I cultivated so I can feel special.
- Stewie: This is my real voice.
- Pritchfield: I don't hear a difference.
- Stewie: Wha? Are you- Okay, okay, okay. [inhales] Well, take a listen to this. [In Peter's voice] How 'bout now? Ya freakin' hear that? [In Quagmire's voice] What about now? Sound different? Giggity? [In Brian's voice] What about now?
- Pritchfield: Hmm, I'm sorry, I'm still not hearing anything.
- Stewie: [angrily chuckles] Okay, well let me make it more obvious, for ya. [In Dr. Hartman's voice] I'm sorry sir, but you have only two days to live ... In this hospital before you're healthy enough to go back home again. [In Tom Tucker's voice] This just in, the voice of a handsome newscaster. Coming up now, we interview a nautical quadruple amputee. [In Seamus' voice] Ahoy, me mateys, it's me. Me father was a human, but be mother was a tree, with a knot hole, that rested low down enough for convenience. [In Carter's voice] Boy, I'm so rich, I don't know what to do with all this money. Not tip the migrant workers, though. Ha ha ha! [In Ida's voice] Oh, calm down, Glenn. I may not be your father anymore, but you can still call me your transparent. [in Jake Tucker's voice] My upside down face is normal! [In Jesus Christ's voice] Look, I'm sorry to say this, man, but, it's not. God was drunk when he made you, and that was the result. [In Roger's voice] And I'm a gay alien.
- Pritchfield: I'm sorry, that just all sounds like the same person.
- Steiwe: I'm gonna talk to Tyler! I'm gonna make friends! I'm gonna be a normal boy!
- Pritchfield: Yes you are. You're finally going to be just like everybody else.
- Stewie: W ... Wha? Say ... Say that again.
- Pritchfield: You're finally going to be just like everybody else.
- Stewie: But ... but I don't ... [in his British accent] I don't want to be like everybody else!
- [Right after Dr. Pritchfield dies, Michael leaves a message on his phone]
- Michael: It's Michael. I want a divorce.
- Stewie: This is not your day.
- FOX touted this episode's "First-Ever Limited-Commercial-Interruption" in its press release. This evolved into PlayStation becoming the sole sponsor with a 60 second ad for God of War before and after the show, along with a co-branded bumper from FOX.
- This is the longest episode of Family Guy to date, being a total of 1 hour and 6 minutes long, breaking the record, previously held by "The Simpsons Guy", which now lies in second place with 44 minutes. "It's a Trap!" is in third with around 44 minutes, and then there was the extended edition of "Road to the North Pole", which was only about, somewhere just under 40 minutes.
- Stewie and Brian are the only members of the family to appear in this episode.
- This episode has no cutaway gags, albeit a flashback from Dr. Pirtchfield.
- Stewie reveals that his British accent is completely fake. He actually has kind an American accent, like the rest of his family, that's projected through a quirky, somewhat comical voice. This explains why Stewie has a British accent in a family full of American speaking Quahogians.
- Through Seth MacFarlane's vocal characterizations, Stewie does the voices of Peter Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Brian Griffin, Dr. Hartman, Tom Tucker, Seamus Levine, Carter Pewterschmidt, Ida Davis, Jake Tucker, Jesus Christ, and even Roger Smith from American Dad!.
- Stewie hates Bethenny Frankel, comparing her to an Eastern European wooden doll, but buys it back in admiring her business sense.
- Stewie compares The Flash's Grant Gustin to a young Anthony Perkins for Dr. Prichfield's benefit.
- Stewie puts to rest questions about his sexuality, ... sort of ... He says that he is heterosexual, but also considers himself "fluid" in being attracted to either gender at a given time. Alright, enough with all these ridiculous made up words. Stewie is bisexual. If he varies from being attracted to men and women from time to time, then that's exactly what that means. You don't change sexual orientations. You have the same one your whole life and only on occasion, do you "feel" your attractions to others.
- Dr. Pirtchfield emulates Stewie's attempts to get Lois' attention in "Stewie Loves Lois" while searching for his mother during the blitz, until Stewie calls him on it.
- The same worn copy of Shakespeare that Stewie observed that Dr. Prichfield had read to Michael, is seen with him in the flashback after he discovers that he has lost his mother.