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Peter is Slow
Peter is Slow is a song sung by everybody in Quahog in "Petarded". It is a parody on Telephone Hour from Bye Bye Birdie.

Lyrics

Joe: Hi, Cleveland.
Cleveland: Hi, Joseph.
What's the story?
Morning glory?
What's the word?
Hummingbird?
Joe: Have you heard Peter Griffin is slow?
Bonnie: Hi, Connie.
Connie: Hi, Bonnie.
What's the story?
Morning glory?
What's the tale?
Nightingale?
Bonnie: Did you hear Peter Griffin is slow?
Connie/Muriel/Diane/Patty: Can he still drive a car?
Can he drink at a bar?
Will they let him have kids?
Is his life on the skids?
Well, I heard he got drunk.
Police Officers (Speaking): Yeah, yeah.
Connie/Muriel/Diane/Patty: And he went for a drive.
Police Officers (Speaking): Uh-huh.
Connie/Muriel/Diane/Patty: He ran over a skunk.
Police Officers (Speaking): It's gone.
Connie/Muriel/Diane/Patty: It's no longer alive!
Quagmire: Hello, Mrs. Griffin. It's your neighbor, Quagmire.
Now that Peter's mental, you probably have some needs. Oh!
(The chorus sings "Peter's Retarded (x3) Peter is slow (repeat) in the background, while Lois and Quagmire talk)
Lois (Speaking): I'm an independent.
Quagmire (Speaking): Yeah, so what?
Lois (Speaking): So, I don't need your help.
Quagmire (Speaking): You need a man.
Lois (Speaking): You're a sexist pig.
Quagmire (Speaking): Lois, Please!
Lois (Speaking): Why don't you go fuck yourself?
Kevin: You know it, man.
It's crazy man.
You know it.
Bonnie: He won't last.
Muriel: Not at all.
Loretta: His street smarts.
Stewie: Are too small.
Quagmire: Hello, Quahog police. This is Mr. Quagmire.
I'm reporting harassment.
Hugo/Kim: Hiya, Peter. Hiya, Stupid.
Why's your town ripping off our song?
(The chorus sings "Peter's Retarded (x3) Peter is slow (repeat) in the background, while Peter and Hugo talk)
Peter (Speaking): Do you have chicken?
Hugo (Speaking): Can you stay on topic?
Peter (Speaking): But I'm hungry.
Hugo (Speaking): If you don't stop now.
Peter (Speaking): It doesn't have to be dead chicken.
Hugo (Speaking): Kim will pin your backseat!
(Record Screeches)
Kim (Speaking): Hugo, Peabody! You take that back!
(Song Resumes)
Quagmire: Hello, Greased Up Deaf Guy. This is Greaseless Quagmire.
Can you defend false reports?
Diane: Well, I heard he got dumped.
Brian (Speaking): No he didn't.
Diane: She dumped him cuz he's dumb?
Brian (Speaking): No! I see them right now.
Diane: Lois Griffin's the worst!
Brian Griffin (Speaking): Are you even listening to me?
Diane: Well, you heard it here, first.
Herbert: If you gotta go. That's the way to go.
When you're a retard.
You need a sympathy card.
Whatchya gunna do?
Whatchya gunna do?
Mort: Peter totaled my car.
Horace: That guy's banned from the bar.
Chris: I heard he lost his kids.
Meg: And one's also stupid.
Male Chorus: Peter's Retarded
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Male Chorus: He's Retarded.
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Male Chorus: He's Retarded.
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Both: Peter is...
Male Chorus: Peter's Retarded
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Male Chorus: He's Retarded.
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Male Chorus: He's Retarded.
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Both: Peter is...
Male Chorus: Peter's Retarded
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Male Chorus: He's Retarded.
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Male Chorus: He's Retarded.
Female Chorus: Retarded.
Both: Peter iiiiiis slow!

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