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Peter Greets His New Bosses
Pawtucket Pete is the third episode of season 17 of Family Guy and the four hundred and fourth episode, overall.

Synopsis

Peter's new bosses want to give Pawtucket Brewery with a new mascot and Peter volunteers for the part.

Plot

It's dark and rainy on the day of Angela's funeral, and Peter gives her a somewhat comedic, but mostly very heartfelt eulogy. Most notably, he mentions that although he lost a boss, Heaven has gained a princess. Afterwards, he realizes he's actually at the wrong funeral, as he just eulogized some random Asian guy.

The following day at work, everyone is gathered around for an important meeting, and Peter is surprised to see Opie back in business again, and Opie explains that he was re-hired by the company's new bosses. At that time, Pawtucket Brewery's new bosses enter and introduce themselves. They are a black and white interracial couple, named Burt and Shelia, who finish each others sentences. Peter whispers insulting things about the new bosses, to the bosses, themselves. However, the two don't seem to mind.

Burt and Shelia go to Peter's workplace and give him a new position. Peter is now assigned to by the recycling bin carrier. He pushes around a recycling bin cart and people throw trash at him. He also wears a ridiculously tall flag on his butt, so people in their cubicles can see him, passing by. At home, Peter is insulted by Stewie, because of how stupid his flag looks. However, Peter doesn't understand what Stewie is saying, and Brian laughs and repeats everything he says in agreement, getting himself smacked in the face by Peter, using the flag as a weapon. Peter is given another bad job, a someone who handles taste testing beers, while also sorting out urine samples of new employees. Peter has to handle drinking little cups of yellow beer and sorting little cups of piss. Both of which are provided on the same conveyor belt and come in the same kinds of cups. At first, Peter has a system of sniffing cups before tasting them, so he knows what's pee and what's not, but the conveyor belt just keeps getting faster and faster. Peter doesn't have time to smell the cups anymore, and he has to take the chances and try everything. At first, things go well, and he drinks only beers, but lastly he becomes completely disgusted, when he gets a great big gulp of Keystone beer.

In the bathroom, Burt and Shelia talk about how nobody likes the company mascot, Pawtucket Pat, because he's not relatable. They need a more casual guy to be their mascot. Just then, they find Peter in the bathroom, drinking beer on the toilet and playing games, and realize, they just found their perfect new mascot. Peter agrees to do the job, as it will be the first good gig he's gotten, since Burt and Shelia started working there.

As a mascot, Peter quickly rises to fame, when he gets his own commercial and gets featured on Billy on the Street. The Kool-Aid Man busts in and welcomes him to the team of mascots. He has a huge party with a bunch of other famous mascots, and Brian comes with him. While Peter tries to have a conversation with Ernie Keebler, the other mascots are really obnoxious, making a bunch of noise. They pose for a picture and Peter insults Tony the Tiger, getting him to frown and start crying, right when the picture is taken. Bert and Shelia visit Peter during his mascot party, and when they see Brian there, they think he's an amazing mascot, being wise cracking, beer drinking dog, but they don't know what company he works for. When they find out, he's just a dog, they welcome him to be the sidekick mascot of Peter. Brian happily obliges and Peter is on board with this.

There is a big show where Peter and Brian, now going by their mascot names "Pawtucket Pat" and "Pops", do a funny show together. During this show, the fans make it clear they they like Brian way more than Peter, knocking Peter down to sidekick status. Peter complains about being overshadowed by Brian. Meanwhile, Brian becomes really famous and gains a cult following, referred to as "Beaglemania".

Brian gets his own float in a big amazing parade, and Peter becomes extremely jealous of him. Peter breaks into a hotel and finds a high window, where he plans to shoot down Brian's parade float. When a worker there sees him, he assumes he's a guest of Sarah's bridal brunch. Peter lies and says he is, goes there, and sees Brian's float pass by the window, while he's there. Peter whips out a gun, while on stage, making a speech and shoots the balloon. The balloon bursts and helium goes down everywhere, making everybody's voiced high pitched and also destroying a bunch of stuff. Brian gets fired for this and Peter goes to jail. Peter takes a hostage to get himself out of jail and makes amends with Brian, putting this whole ugly mess behind them.

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

Peter: Webster's defines "class" as a group of students, gathered at a preordained time, for the purposes of education. Angela pretty much epitomized class.

Peter: At least Angela died, doing what she loved; swimming less than 20 minutes, after she had eaten. That's a real thing, kids. Listen to your mothers.

Peter: She may be gone, but her voice will live on in DVD, Hulu Plus, and tiny droid-projected messages.

Peter: I've had a lot of jobs over the years. Toy maker, fire fighter, bartender, football player, restaurant owner, astronaut, news anchor, farmer, Burger King cashier, recycling mascot, mortician, TV producer, political candidate, religious figure, Lando Griffin, comic strip artist, chef, A.A sponsor, housekeeper, pianist, commercial voice-over guy, cartoonist, pirate, hooker, psychic, James Woods' agent, Matt Damon's neck, Sandy Duncan's glass eye, Jackee Harry's personal grocery shopper, duet singer, cookie maker, children's book writer, Islamic extremist, Uber driver, suicide hotline receptionist, violinist, DJ, sneeze guard, knight, kid show host, lady wrestler, fisherman, housewife, Korean pop singer, bowling alley worker, police officer, vacuum salesman, hitman, waitress, Mall Santa, third grade student, military soldier, telemarketer for butt holes, erotic book writer, Han Solo, anti-vaccination activist, grim reaper, sushi restaurant owner, superstore worker, doctor, Calvin Kline model, pharmacist, pimp, detective, butcher, and superhero, but I think that working with Angela, had to be the best of my career.

Peter: I may have lost a boss, but Heaven has gained a princess.

Bert: Attention, everyone. Do not adjust your TV sets. We are an interracial couple.
Sheila: Variety is the spice of life and the spices of our lives are salt and pepper.

[Peters refers to the interracial couple]
Peter: Two sets of disappointed parents, right there.

Shelia: Now that Angela's no longer with us, we will be your new bosses.
Bert: We're splitting the job because one of the shareholder's favorite songs was "Ebony and Ivory".

Bert: Now some of you my find the idea of two bosses, unconventional, but ...
Shelia: We
Bert: Assure
Shelia: You
Bert: Nothing
Shelia: Will
Bert: Be
Shelia: Different.

Lois: Peter, why are you wearing a flag?
Peter: Eh, it's part of my job now, because of my new bosses.
Chris: Uh, is it a promotion? Cuz it doesn't look like a promotion.

Stewie: [commenting on Peter's flag; to Brian] It looks like a rascal flag.
Brian: Ha. You're right. It looks like one of those flags old ladies have on their rascals.
[Peter whips Brian with his flag]
Brian: Ow! What the Hell, Peter?
Peter: I may take crap from my bosses, but I ain't takin' it from you.
Brian: God, I was just repeating, what Stewie said!
Peter: [confused] Huh?
Stewie: Ah, the benefits of nobody understanding me.

[In a cutaway, Peter argues with a guy, looking through his apartment window]
Peter: Look, I'm only here to create an amusing comparison to my current job, which I am, at this moment, describing to my family in my living room, so technically, you don't even exist.
Greg: Well, how do you know I wasn't telling my wife a story and you aren't a figment of my imagination?
Peter: I...I can assure you, that is not the case.
TV Announcer: We'll be right back with more Greg in the Window.
Peter: Well, I'll be.

[Bert and Shelia open the bathroom stall to see Peter]
Shelia: What are you doing?
Peter: Playing a game on my phone and having a beer, and God willing, going to the bathroom.
Bert: Are you thinking, what I'm thinking?
Shelia: He must be shitting on his shirt tail?

Peter: I'm the new Pawtucket Pat.
Meg: Hey, now you and Jared from Subway have two things in common.
Peter: No! No, that's not true, Meg! It's not true!
Lois: Peter, Peter. She's garbage. She's garbage. Let it go. You're the king.
Peter: Yeah. Garbage. Yeah.

Lois: Wow, Peter. You're famous!
Meg: Hey, when you reach the top, you're not gunna forget about us, will ya?
Peter: [to Meg] 'Course not, Melanie. [to Lois] And especially not you, Louise.
Lois: Peter, my name's Lois.
Meg: He does this all the time with me. This is the first he remembered the first letter of my name.
Lois: Sorry to hear that, Meredith.

[Peter Griffin and Billy on the Street harass a "father and daughter" exiting a coffee shop]
Peter: I ... I don't uh, ... I don't feel comfortable doing this. He was just getting a cup of coffee with his daughter.
[The man and Billy on the Street both yell different things to Peter at the same time]
Billy: THEY SHOULD KNOW YOU!
Man: SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND!

[Billy on the Street runs of, exiting house right]
Guy: What's his problem?
Peter: Between you and me, I think he may need a lady friend.
[Billy on the Street runs up, entering house left, behind Peter]
Billy: PETER, I'M FAMOUSLY GAY!
Peter: [startled] Oh, my God. He ran around the world.
[Whip pan to a Chinese couple, sitting in a house, with two open doors on both sides of the room]
Chinese Guy: Did you see that crazy round eye run by?
Chinese Girl: Yeah. That guy needs a girlfriend.

[Peter and a bunch of other mascots pose for a picture]
Cameraman: Okay everyone, get ready. 3 ... 2 ...
Peter: By the way, Tony, I'm sorry your wife was shot by Donald Trump's children.
Tony: [begins crying] Oh, why'd you have to remind me of that?
Cameraman: Smile!
Everyone (Except Tony): Cheese!
[A picture is taken of everyone smiling, except for Tony, who is miserably bawling his eyes out]

Lois: [offscreen] Hurry it up! Some of us came for Daughtry!

Peter: Say, Brian.
Brian: Hops.
Peter: Hops.
Brian: Yes, Peter?
Peter: Pat.
Brian: Pat.

Peter: Man, I hate being a sidekick to this stupid dog.
Quagmire: Yeah, I can imagine, Peter.
Peter: I doubt you can, Quagmire.
Quagmire: Actually, I can speak from experi-
Peter: No! None of you can.
Quagmire: Well, I think I understand-
Peter: I'm talking, Glenn! I doubt any of you can begin to know, what it's like to ride somebody's coat tails.
Joe: You know, actually-
Peter: To play second fiddle to some fat idiot.
Cleveland: I think we know-
Peter: To be thrust into the shadows, while someone else soaks up the sun.
Quagmire: Peter.
Peter: QUAGMIRE, SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! You guys are all lucky, you'll never have to deal with some big-headed jackass taking a lion's share of the spotlight, and to chew the scenery, while you're subjected to constantly be setting up someone elses ...

[While Peter rants about himself, Joe imagines being the star of his own sitcom, called "Average Joe", where he can walk]
Joe: Good morning, family.
[Live Studio Audience Cheers]
Bonnie: Good morning, Joe. We're out of eggs. Can you run to the store and get us some?
Joe: I sure can.
[Laugh track laughs]
Bonnie: Oh, Joe.
Kevin: Hey, dad. Our team won the soccer game yesterday.
Joe: Alright, go Kevin. Looks like our soccer games together really paid off, huh?
[Laugh track laughs]
Kevin: They sure did, dad.
[Susie walks by]
Bonnie: [amazed] Oh my gosh, Joe, look! Susie's taking her first steps!
Kevin: [amazed] Wow, she is! She knows how to walk now!
Joe: [chuckles] Well, she learned from the best.
[Laugh track and The Swanson Family laughs]

Peter: Aw, God. Again with this Beaglemania? Where'd you get those T-shirts?
Meg: From Brian. He says it's really catching on.
Peter: Well it isn't. It's a joke.
Chris: It's no joke for him, dad. He even recorded The Bite Album.
[Cutaway to Brian recording a song, parodying Revolution 9, wherein Brian repeatedly says "K-9" into a microphone, while random noises play in the background, including dogs barking, cats hissing, doorbells ringing, car horns honking, and other dog related things]
Brian: [singing] K-9, K-9, K-9, K-9, K-9, K-9, K-9, K-9, K-9,...

[Cool kids gather around Chris, while he tells stories about him and Brian]
Chris: So, I wanted to see that nurse girl again, so I took a chair, and I smacked my famous dog right in the face.
[Cool kids murmur in amazement at Chris' story]
Doug: Wow, Chris. These stories are amazing!
Gina: I still can't believe Hops the Dog is your pet!
Chris: He's just a part of my daily life.
Connie: Chris, you are officially a cool kid.
Chris: Wow! I'm popular, just like Hops!
Connie: You sure are.
[Meg enters]
Meg: He's my pet dog, too. One time, I fell in love with him, a-
Connie: You've even got your own unimportant sidekick, nobody pays attention to.

Stewie: Stupid Brian. Can't even wave to the crowd right.
[Brian sits in his car, waving awkwardly]
Brian: Hi. Thanks for coming out. Hi.

Chris: Where's dad? He's missing all this.
Lois: This is nothing. He missed the births of all three of you kids too.
Stewie: For those first few months before meeting him, I was perfectly happy with my life.

[Peter makes a speech at the bridal bunch of a woman he doesn't even know]
Woman #1: Who is he again?
Woman #2: I think he's that guy from the funeral.

[Everyone's voices become high pitched, due to helium]
Chris: Oh my God! What the Hell is happening?
Meg: Brian's balloon popped! We're in danger!
Chris: I know that, idiot! But why do I sound like Gollum from Lord of the Rings?
Lois: All of the helium coming from his balloon is making our voices high-pitched!
Stewie: Oh, no way. This is so cool. [singing] Christmas, Christmas time is here.

Jerome: My voice is impervious to helium.

Trivia

  • The title is a pun on Pawtucket Pat.
  • Joe imagines having a spin-off called "Average Joe", wherein he can walk.
  • Jerome's voice is impervious to helium.

Cultural References

Continuity

Errors

  • This episode erroneously mistakes Pawtucket Pat for the mascot of the Pawtucket Brewery, when in actuality, The Pawtucket Patriot is the mascot, and Pawtucket Pat is the founder.

Deleted Scenes

  • Dialogue trimming of Peter listing his many jobs.
  • The theme song is cut down to just the title.
  • Peter wanting his new boss to be Hugo Boss.
  • An extended version of Bert and Shelia finishing each other's sentences.
  • Peter cutting away to himself at home, with his family.
  • Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers from The Simpsons watching Peter Griffin on TV.
  • Titanic 2, narrated by Al Gore.
  • An extended version of Peter and Greg in the Window arguing.
  • Callback to the Hugo Boss gag.
  • Alternate take of Peter drinking beer and trucker pee.
  • Peter's "associate" farting and Peter replying with "No, we did it."
  • Slower paced version of Peter's beer commercial.
  • Peter throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at a baseball game and breaking his arm.
  • Peter and Brian having a conversation about Peter talking to cereal mascots.
  • Peter telling Bert & Sheila that what he and Billy on the Street did earlier.
  • Bert pointing out that Brian quoted the internet a second time.
  • Lois screaming about Daughtry.
  • Lois screaming about Daughtry again.
  • Peter getting kicked out of the executive parking lot, seeing a billboard, and getting attacked by a goose.
  • Chris and Brian talking about "Beaglemania".
  • A cutaway gag about Dasani water tasting like it had a nickel in it.
  • Peter and Brian signing books, and a bunch of girls hocking loogies in Peter's face.
  • Tom Tucker ranting about hungover dads going to a parade on Sunday with their kids.
  • Tricia making a joke about dads vomiting in front of their children.
  • Jane Duncan, niece of Bebe Neuwirth being a baton twirler.

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