Pal Stewie is an episode of Family Guy.
Stewie makes a normal friend, who redeems him from his matricidal ways. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois go to a couples empowerment seminar.
- Chris Griffin
- Meg Griffin
- Miss Tammy
- Susie Swanson
- Rallo Tubbs
- Fjurg Van Der Ploeg
- Cast of Parks and Recreation
- Michael Scott
- Mort Goldman (Cameo)
- Glenn Quagmire (Cameo)
- Herbert the Pervert (Cameo)
- Evan Griffin (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Bruce (Voice Only)
- Paul Hogan (Voice Only)
- Stewie: This is a drone. Grown men, who have never had sexual relations fly them over people's houses to try and ... see something. I don't know.
- [Peter finds that Lois has tricked him into attending a self-empowerment seminar]
- Peter: You lied to me! You said we were going to Baskin-Robbins!
- Lois: I said we were going to bask in Robbin's glow.
- Peter: [accusingly] You know what you did.
- Tony Robbins: All of you here are capable of greatness.
- Bruce: [offscreen] Yaaaay!
- Tony Robbins: But some will never achieve it.
- Bruce: [offscreen] Oh no!
- Peter: Your head is the size of a picnic watermelon.
- Tony Robbins: Ha! I've been told that.
- Peter: And you sound like you were lost at sea, and told not to drink sea water, but drank sea water.
- Tony Robbins: Peter, I was once a lot like you. Unmotivated, dangerously obese, always relying on cutaways
- Peter: You know, that reminds me of the time-
- Tony Robbins: No, Peter! No more cutaways! Stay in the present!
- Hudson: Hi, Stewie! I'm putting sand on a cat poo.
- [Peter drives in his car]
- Peter: Ah, the privacy of all glass around me.
- Hudson: Your mom seems nice.
- Stewie: She's a slag.
- Stewie: Which action figures did we get?
- Hudson: I got Kylo Ren. [pretending to be Kylo Ren] I got the role, during the two months I was a hot actor and now they're stuck with me.
- [Stewie and Hudson play with McBurgertown toys]
- Hudson: Wanna choke on these?
- Stewie: Yes! Let's choke on these, together.
- [Stewie and Hudson choke on the toys and spit them out]
- Stewie: That was fun! You wanna be Kylo Ren again?
- Hudson: Sure, Stewie.
- Stewie: Let's switch!
- [Stewie and Hudson choke on each other's toys]
- Autistic Kid: I'm autistic!
- Autistic Kid: I take up a great deal of the teacher's time!
- Stewie: Victory shall be mine!
- [A father and son are shown, watching Family Guy]
- Father: Ha. That's what the baby used to say, when I was your age.
- Son: [sarcastic] Wow, amazing, dad.
- Father: You don't even care.
- Son: Of course not, dad! I'm watching Rick and Morty.
- Lois: This new you is a bigger surprise, than when they're making fun of a celebrity on Saturday Night Live, and the real life celebrity walks in behind them.
- [Cutaway to Peter and Lois watching Saturday Night Live]
- Lois: [chuckles] Oh boy. They're really socking it to the celebrity.
- Peter: [chuckles] Yeah. Can you imagine how mad the celebrity would be? I mean, wherever they are at this particular moment. If they're watching, they must be ...
- [Peter and Lois gasp]
- Lois: That's the actual celebrity, walking up right behind them!
- Peter: He ... He's catching them right in the act! The ... The SNL actor doesn't know! Oh, he's gonna get in trouble! Look how mad the actual celebrity is! He's folding his arms and frowning!
- Lois: He tapped the SNL actor on the shoulder! Look how surprised the SNL actor is!
- Peter: [excited] Aaaaah! He's completely busted!
- Lois: [laughing] How is this happening!
- [Peter and Lois run around the living room, laughing hysterically and destroying stuff and Meg enters]
- Meg: [lighting the couch on fire] I was watching upstairs on Hulu!
- [Brian drives his car through the wall]
- Brian: I saw it on my phone!
- [Quagmire's plane crashes through the ceiling]
- Quagmire: My plane has Wi-Fi!
- Hudson: Thanks for coming to my birthday, everyone. It's good to see I have all these friends, even though I'm new.
- Rallo: Of course, man. A brother's gotta watch out for another brother, am I right, my man?
- [Rallo holds out his fist to fist bump Hudson]
- Hudson: Please stop. My race doesn't define me.
- [Stewie drops a soda bomb on some kids playing in the ballpit]
- Kid: No soda! Sticky balls!
- [The kids run away and Herbert the Pervert sticks his head out of the ball pit]
- Herbert: Wait kids! Come back! Sticky balls are fun!
- [Michael Scott from The Office sticks his head out of the ball pit]
- Michael Scott: That's what she said.
- Brian: I was afraid of losing our friendship.
- Stewie: Friendship? Brian, you and I have never been friends.
- [Brian and Stewie go out for ice cream]
- Stewie: You know, Brian. I'm starting to think we're going to get through our rocky road.
- Tony Robbins: You can't put a price on your happiness, which is why I have. It's six thousand dollars.
- First time Stewie's tried to kill Lois in a long damn time. The last time he tried to do that was in "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie", all the way back in Season 10.
- Stewie quotes his catchphrase "Victory shall be mine!", which he hasn't said, since the earlier seasons of the show. A Generation X father and his Millennial (or Gen Z) son are shown watching the series, but the son seems disinterested. The father is a long time fan, having grown up with the show, ever since watching the first episode, but the son doesn't like Family Guy, as to him, it's "old people stuff".
- Stewie dresses up like Rambo.
- A millennial boy watches Rick and Morty, and thinks it's more interesting than the old fashioned Family Guy show, making his father (and many other long time fans of Family Guy) feel very old.
- Lois singing a song about drinking vodka, she hides in a bush.
- Alternate take on Hudson crashing into Stewie. Instead of just messing up his shot, he smashes the screen of the remote control.
- Peter getting an erection from getting touched by Tony Robbins.
- Lois anxiously drinking from a flask, after witnessing Tony Robbins' death.
- Cutaway with Stewie building the Leaning Tower of Pisa out of Legos.
- Lois entering Stewie's room and saying she made grilled cheese that looks like dinosaurs for him and Hudson. Additionally, Stewie and Hudson's conversation about killing Lois takes place in Stewie's room, rather than his weapon closet.
- A conversation between Stewie and Brian, before Stewie looks through the mail.
- The Gen-X father pumping his millennial son for info that would imply that his wife is cheating.
- Tony Robbins saying he was created by lightning and then roaring like Frankenstein's monster.
- Tony Robbins saying he keeps his money in his forehead.
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