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Ocean's Three And a Half.jpg

Ocean's Three and a Half is the seventh episode of season seven of Family Guy. It is the one hundred and twenty-third episode, overall.

Synopsis

After being pregnant for 6 years, Bonnie finally gives birth to a baby girl named Susie Swanson, and Stewie becomes swiftly smitten.

Plot

Frustrated that Joe is growing more concerned that Bonnie may give birth any day now, Peter attempts to induce labor so Joe will spend more time with him, Cleveland and Quagmire. As a result, Bonnie finally gives birth to her baby, a girl named Susie.

However, Joe is unable to pay the $20,000 dollars he needs for her medical bills. He turns to a loan shark for the money, but ends up in debt to him. He and the guys turn to Carter Pewterschmidt for the money to pay off the loan shark, but Carter refuses.

In one final act of desperation, Peter proposes they rob Carter. Once they reach the vault, however, Lois arrives on the scene and convinces Joe to stop. Lois talks Carter into providing the money, telling him she's using it for a divorce lawyer; when Peter asks her if she's joking, Lois says nothing, leaving Peter a little worried.

Meanwhile, Stewie falls in love with Susie and attempts to win her heart by writing songs and making a detailed music video featuring him singing a direct version of Bryan Adams' song "Everything I Do". Brian scoffs when Stewie announces that he's named his song named after Susie, the girl in whom he's interested. Challenged to name other songs named after girls, Brian lists numerous songs, frustrating Stewie. In the end, Stewie states he is over his crush and has an interest in Bryan Adams instead.

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Songs

Quotes

[Joe shows up late to a paintball tournament]
Peter: God, Joe. Finally! Your watch paralyzed too?

Peter: Man, I am so sick of this. Joe is just gunna keep bailing on us until that baby comes out of Bonnie's butt ... Babies come out of the butt right?
Cleveland: Yeah.

TV Announcer: Two and a Half Men was filmed in front of a live studio ostrich.
Alan: Boy, this stinks. It's Friday night and I don't have a date.
Charlie: Well, then. Let me get you a number from my little black book.
[Charlie Harper takes out a giant book of girls' phone numbers; an ostrich is seen watching the show in the live studio audience]
Live Studio Ostrich: Ha ha!

Cleveland: You're the guy who soiled his pants, while test-driving that sports car.
[Cutaway to Peter driving the car up to Jim Kaplan at the car dealership and just immediately leaving]
Peter: I don't want it.

[Joe and Bonnie adore their newborn baby girl, Susie Swanson]
Joe: She's beautiful. Isn't she, sweetheart?
Bonnie: She sure is, Joe.
Quagmire: Hard to believe she's already 18.

Meg: I can't wait 'til I have a baby someday.
Peter: Oh, sorry Meg, but order to get pregnant, a man's gunna have to be aroused first.

[Bonnie changes Joe's diaper]
Joe: I gotta tell you. Not being able to pay our child's hospital bill somehow makes me feel like ... less of a man.
Bonnie: Oh, honey. That's silly. I'm gunna show you what a man you really are. Now, let's go put your penis on.

[Consuela competes against a guy on a game show called "Are You Smarter Than a Hispanic Maid?"]
Host: Okay, Larry. Now, how does a Hispanic maid address her employer if his name is "John Sullivan". Is it A. John or B. Mr. Sullivan?
Larry: Uh, I'm gunna go with Mr. Sullivan.
Host: Oh, that was a trick question. Consuela, what would you say?
Consuela: Um, Misser John?
Host: That is correct. Now, bonus question. Is Mr. John home?
Consuela: Uh, no. No, Misser John no home.

[Stewie works on a song for Susie]
Stewie: Well, I've still got to do a little work on it.
Brian: What's it called?
Stewie: Susie.
Brian: [sarcastic] Wow. A song named after a girl. There aren't a million of those already.
Stewie: Oh, there's not that many. Name 5 songs named after girls.
Brian: Tracy, Jean, Jane, Mary Anne, Eleanor Rigby.
Stewie: Uh, ... That's still not a lot. Name 6 more.
Brian: Sherri, Laura, Marie, Wendy, Peggy Sue, Minnie the Moocher.
Stewie: [mad] ... Name 20.
Brian: Rosanna, Roxanne, Michelle, Alison, Sarah, Angie, Brandy, Mandy, Gloria, Cecilia, Maggie May, Jessica, Nancy, Barbara Anne, Billie Jean, Layla, Lola, Polly, Helena, Jenny From the Block.
[Stewie throws down his guitar in anger]
Stewie: Go fuck yourself.

[The guys sell lemonade]
Joe: Wow, Peter. I gotta say. This lemonade stand was a really good idea. It's selling really well.
Peter: That's because it has my secret ingredient in it. Vodka.
[Two kids are seen, drunk on lemonade]
Kid #1: You know what we should do? You know what we should do? We should just ... We should just get on our bikes and just go. Just go and start a business.
Kid #2: You know, I never to ... I never told anyone this but you're soooo good at cursing!

Peter: So, that's pretty much it, Mr. Pewterschmidt. Joe's getting desperate and we haven't raised nearly enough. I-I-Is there any way you could help us out?
Carter: Of course I could. [takes out a ton of money] But it's funnier to me if I don't. [Carter blends up all the money in a blender and drinks it] In about an hour, I'm gunna piss away 20 grand.
Quagmire: What, are you gunna bet on The Knicks?

Movie Announcer: Jeff Bridges and Laura Linney in Danger In Cincinnati.
Jeff Bridges: We've got 24 hours before those terrorists set off that new type of bomb that makes an invisible explosion.
Laura Linney: What are we gonna do?
Jeff Bridges: Let's get back to headquarters.
Laura Linney: Should we take the helicopter?
Jeff Bridges: No, let's ... Let's walk, it's a nice day.

[Audio recording of Christian Bale ranting at Peter Griffin]
Christian Bale: I WANT YOU OFF THE FUCKING SET, YOU PRICK!
Peter: Sorry.
Christian Bale: NO, DON'T BE SORRY! THINK FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND!
Peter: I dropped a peanut m&m and it rolled over here.
Christian Bale: Am I gunna walk around and rip your fucking lights down in the middle of a scene?
Peter: Those are Christmas lights. I put them up to make everyone happy.
Christian Bale: Then why the fuck are you walking right through? Uh-du-du-du-duh, like this in the background? What the fuck is it with you?
Peter: Boy, you are gunna owe a fortune to the swear jar.
Christian Bale: You got any fucking idea about "Hey, is it fucking distracting, having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the fucking scene?" GIVE ME A FUCKING ANSWER!
Peter: I-I-I don't get it.
Christian Bale: What don't you get about it?
Peter: I j-I don't get why we need another Terminator. I just. I-I don't-I don't get it. Oh, and uh, by the way, sorry, I-I ate that last piece of pie that you were saving for yourself.
Christian Bale: [sarcastic] OH, GOOD FOR YOU! And how was it?
Peter: Uh, it was good.
Christian Bale: I hope it was fucking good because it's useless now, isn't it?
Peter: Well, it's nourishing me, so that's-that's useful.
Christian Bale: For fuck sake, man. You're amateur.
Peter: I don't know that word.
Christian Bale: Stay off the fucking set, man. Alright, let's go again.
Peter: Can we just take a minute?
Christian Bale: No, let's not take a fucking minute. Let's GO AGAIN!
Peter: I gotta go pee and I wanna walk around some more but I wanna do it while the scene's going.
Christian Bale: You're unbelievable, man.
Peter: You know, I-I just don't understand w-
Christian Bale: Uh, you don't fucking understand what it's like working with actors.
Peter: Hey, my family's coming to town. Do you mind pretending that I'm the director.
Christian Bale: [pissed off; getting up to attack Peter] I'm gunna FUCKING KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, ALRIGHT!!!
Peter: [cowering] AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, MR. BALE!
Christian Bale: [pissed off] I'M GUNNA G-YOU WANT ME TO GO FUCKING TRASH YOUR LIGHTS!?
Peter: [cowering] No!
Christian Bale: [pissed off] DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING TRASH THEM!!!?
Peter: [crying] No, I don't want you to trash them!
Christian Bale: [pissed off] YOU DO IT ONE MORE FUCKING TIME! I AIN'T WALKING ON THIS SET IF YOU'RE STILL FUCKING HIRED!
Peter: Sorry, it's my first day.
Christian Bale: [pissed off] I'm fucking serious. [calming down] You're a nice guy! You're a nice guy.
Peter: I don't feel like a nice guy.
Christian Bale: But that don't fucking cut it when you're fucking fucking around like this on set.
Peter: Jeez, you punch your mother with that mouth?
Christian Bale: Seriously, you and me are done professionally.
Peter: Wait, just professionally-[gasp] [lovingly happy] Are you asking me out on a date?
Christian Bale: [infuriated] FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stewie: I'm editing this music video I'm making for Susie.
Brian: Oh, really. Music video? ... Working on a little video there? Little, uh, ... little music video? ... Little compilation of visual images to go with a song? ... Little formatted movie that tells the story of a-
Stewie: Yeah, that only works, when I do it.

[Brian and Stewie watch "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)"]
Brian: I'm not following the story arc, here.
Stewie: SHUT UP!

Carter: Hey, Bill. Will you help me program my Zoon? Oh, wait. I have an iPod, like the rest of the world.

[The guys try to infiltrate the vault but there's a a voice identification-protected door]
AI: Welcome to the vault. Voice identification, please.
Peter: Uh-oh.
Cleveland: I got this.
[Cleveland goes up to the microphone]
Cleveland: [in Carter's voice] It's me, Carter. I want my money.
AI: Voice print verified.
[The door opens]
Quagmire: How the hell'd you do that!?
Cleveland: I can do you guys do. [in Quagmire's voice] Hey, everybody. I'm Quagmire. Giggity!
Quagmire: Whoa.
Cleveland: [in Peter's voice] Hey, everybody. I'm Peter! [chortles]
Peter: Oh, hey Peter.
Cleveland: No, it's still me.
Peter: Oh.

Peter: Wow, look at this place. There's more dough in here than a Swedish bakery.
[Cutaway to Fjurg Van Der Ploeg in his bakery, covered in a mess of dough]
Fjurg: Look at all my doo! I'm covered in doo!
[Fjurg's son enters]
Fjurg's Son: Faiter! You're covered in doo!
Fjurg: Awww, you spoiled the surpreese. I'm making you a cock out of doo!

Brian: So, how'd Susie like your video?
Stewie: I don't care about her anymore. I'm in love with Bryan Adams.

Trivia

  • Because of the Christian Bale tirade parody, this is the first episode whose original television broadcast feature on the DVD does not include the true original airing. The Christian Bale gag was restored when past episodes of the show moved from Netflix to Hulu in 2018.
  • Dr. Hartman delivers Susie Swanson, which adds to the list of types of medicine he practices. This list already includes gynecologist, family practitioner, pediatrician, and others.
  • When Stewie throws down his guitar, it makes a "kabong!" sound like the El Kabong cartoons from Quick Draw McGraw.
  • Brian's mocking of Stewie's music video in descriptive questions of increasing pitch is a running gag from previous episodes usually performed in relation to Brian's Writing Career.
  • Scenes added following the original broadcast:
    • Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire have Mort Goldman pretend to be Joe to satisfy the real Joe's absence.
    • Meg was animated into the scene where Stewie is introduced to Susie. Peter talks to Meg about having babies.
    • At the beginning of the second act, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire are seen watching Are You Smarter Than a Hispanic Maid?
    • The Christian Bale joke was replaced by Quagmire talking about his fantasy about making movies with B+ movie stars and a not so expensive location and a cutaway showing a trailer for a movie with Jeff Bridges and Laura Linney entitled "Danger in Cincinnati" with Don LaFontaine's very last appearance on Family Guy before his death.
    • After the music video, Brian says that it's the worst video he's ever seen and that he saw Peter frozen in "sex face", which is shown.
    • Peter remarks how there's "more dough in here than a Swedish bakery" in response to the amount of money in the vault, with a gag about a Swedish bakery following that.
  • Seamus's body is made entirely of wood, leaving Peter to question as to how he can still live.
  • Quagmire and Peter distract the crowd at Carter's party by performing the Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.
  • Stewie's sexual ambiguity is raised again in this episode. Stewie falls in love with newborn Susie Swanson which inspires him to write a song for her, then later compiles a music video for her based on Bryan Adams' song, "(Everything I Do), Do It For You." When Brian asks Stewie what Susie thought of his video, Stewie declares "I don't care about her anymore. I'm in love with Bryan Adams."
  • The songs that Brian lists that are named after girls are
    • "Rosanna" by Toto
    • "Roxanne" by The Police
    • "Michelle" by The Beatles
    • "Allison" by Elvis Costello
    • "Sara" by Starship
    • "Angie" by The Rolling Stones
    • "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" by Looking Glass
    • "Mandy" by Barry Manilow
    • "Gloria" by Umberto Tozzi
    • "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel
    • "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart
    • "Jessica" by The Allman Brothers Band
    • "Nancy (With the Laughing Face)" by Frank Sinatra
    • "Barbara Ann" by The Beach Boys
    • "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson
    • "Layla" by Derek and the Dominoes
    • "Lola" by The Kinks
    • "Polly" by Nirvana
    • "Helena" by The Misfits
    • "Jenny from the Block" by Jennifer Lopez
    • "Sherry" by The Four Seasons
    • "Laura (What's He Got That I Ain't Got)" by Kenny Rogers
    • "Wendy" by The Beach Boys
    • "Maria" by Blondie
    • "Peggy Sue" by Buddy Holly
    • "Minnie the Moocher" by Cab Calloway and His Orchestra
    • "Tracy" by Mogwai
    • "Jean" by Oliver
    • "Jane" by Barenaked Ladies
    • "Mary Ann" by Black Lace
    • "Eleanor Rigby" by The Beatles
  • Peter says he has never watched a woman give birth, yet in "Emission Impossible" Peter delivers Carol Pewterschmidt's child and watched when Lois gave birth to Stewie in "Chitty Chitty Death Bang".

Cultural References

  • The title is reference to the Ocean's series of films, Ocean's 11, 12, and 13
  • The scene of the audio recording of Christian Bale yelling at Peter that was shown in the episode's first airing is in reference to the viral recording on YouTube of Christian Bale yelling at director of photography Shane Hurlbut while filming on the set of Terminator Salvation. The recording was taken in February 2009 after Hurlbut supposedly walked into the eyeline of Bale during filming of the most emotional scene of the film and is also laden with profanities.
  • Stewie references Hannity and Colmes, a political debate television show that used to air on the FOX News Channel until January 9th, 2009. The scene refers to how Sean Hannity often demeaned Alan Colmes on the show and also to Colmes' more passive personality and candor. In the scene, the popular MGM cartoon character Droopy fills in for Colmes.
  • Brian's reference to "Beethoven near the end" is about composer Ludwig van Beethoven's deteriorating hearing over the course of his life and how he was completely deaf at the end of his life.

Deleted Scenes

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