The Griffins hire a nanny. Meanwhile, Peter buys a bunch of goats.
Peter decides that having to mow the lawn is the perfect time to acquire a herd of goats, but they wreck the house as Lois' parents arrive for a visit. Feeling that she works so hard to keep the house and raise the kids, they pay for a nanny to take care of things which allows for Lois and Peter to bond over the course of a week. When they return drunk from a night out, they find they had arranged to go away together for a weekend and decide to follow though on it. The trip leaves a lot to be desired, and they soon begin to wear on each other's nerves. Things come to a head and they angrily agree to split up when the trip is over. But when they arrive home, the sight of the children there to greet them brings them back together.
Meanwhile, after taking care of things well enough to send Peter and Lois on their trip, Natalia the nanny reveals that she is not only an assassin, but has made some enemies from her native Belarus who come for revenge. With Stewie in tow, she manages to kill most of her pursuers. Hopping aboard a small jet, she straps a parachute on Stewie and tosses him back toward his home as she flies away, leaving him to want another ride when he lands.
- Chris Griffin
- Meg Griffin
- Brian Griffin
- Carter Pewterschmidt
- Babs Pewterschmidt
- Cleveland Brown
- Donna Tubbs-Brown
- Joe Swanson
- Bonnie Swanson
- Herbert the Pervert (Cameo)
- Vinny Filipeli (Cameo)
- Cleveland Junior (Cameo)
- Phil Miller (Cameo)
- Carol Miller (Cameo)
- Melissa Shart (Cameo)
- Todd Rodriguez (Cameo)
- Erica Dundee (Cameo)
- Gail Klosterman (Cameo)
- Mike Miller (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Phil Miller 2 (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Pat Brown (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Lewis (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Jasper (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Chris Elliot (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Fred Armisen (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Cat the Cow (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Mort Goldman (Offscreen)
- Gordon Vanderkruik (Pictured)
- Thelma Griffin (Mentioned)
- TV Announcer: We now return to The Last Man on Earth, a daring new show with the bold premise of having just one character. This is Phil Miller ... and here's Carol ... and here's Melissa, Todd, Erica, Gail, and an expansive cast of recurring characters. Phil is the last man on earth. See how this one lone man and his multitude of supporting characters holds up an entire show all on his own. In tonight's episode, our lonely, lonely protagonist, and his wife and two kids and his pet dog and grandmother and deadbeat cousin who's coming by to crash in his apartment for a few days gets annoyed with his upstairs neighbors are making too much noise with their huge parties. Meanwhile, see Gail and Erica make the shocking new discovery of finding a large, bustling metropolis with a population of 80,492, which is only a fifth of the population of their own city, so you know that there's little to no people here. All on the next episode of The Last Man on Earth, plus these other 16 people, with more showing up every day.
- Peter: Aw, no way they'll pull this off. A show with just one character and an unlimited number of other characters? This show deserves critical acclaim for it's dedication to this premise.
- [Peter loudly plays a drum set]
- Peter: FYI, my mom's not picking me up for a long time, because ...
- [Peter performs a drum roll]
- Peter: She's dead!
- [Peter gets a message on his phone]
- Peter: Oh, boy. Amber alert. Stewie was last seen with a goat in a 98 Toyota Tercel, heading north on I-95.
- Carter: How do you turn those off, by the way?
- Natalia: Next book, Everybody Poops ... Blood.
- Peter: Give me two of those round balls of butter and a bread stick. You'll see where I'm heading with this. Okay, look, look, look. [makes a phallic shape with the food] Here's what you want. [Bites the bread stick in half] Here's what you got.
- Lois: Donna, have you seen this Black-ish"?
- Donna: Why you asking me that?
- Lois: I don't know, it seems like you might like it.
- [A Chinese waiter comes up]
- Lois: Oh, and waiter. Have you seen this Fresh off the Boat?
- Waiter: Why are you asking me that?
- Lois: I don't know, it seems like you might like it. [notices Mort offscreen] Oh, there's Mort. Mort! Have you seen this, The Goldbergs?
- Mort: [offscreen] Yes, I like it, cuz I'm Jewish.
- Peter: I love how you share things that were told to you in confidence.
- [Peter, acting in an independent film, receives a phone call]
- Peter: Hello? ... I see.
- [Peter hangs up]
- Lois: What is it?
- Peter: I've been assassinated.
- [Peter and Lois wake up after a night of sex]
- Lois: Wow, what a night. I guess someone's sleep number is 69.
- [Peter looks under the covers]
- Peter: Uh, yes, it was apparently also number 2.
- Peter: This is Family Guy. We only do the male side of the joke.
- Cleveland: I have dibs on whatever silliness Peter loses interest in. [Cleveland puts on a hat] Remember this? To the Clevelandcopter! [Cleveland flies a helicopter, designed to look like him] The mustache obscures my view!
- Peter: Hey, look. Cookies.
- Lois: Chocolate chip?
- Peter: Oatmeal raisin.
- Lois: FUCK!
- Peter: Oh, here's another note. [reads note] How adorable were those first two notes? I hope you read this one third.
- [Peter turns on a really loud ceiling fan]
- Peter: Can you notice that?
- Lois: Yeah.
- Peter: Can you notice anything in the world, other than that?
- [Natalia walks in on Chris and Meg, kissing]
- Natalia: No kissing on the bed!
- [Cleveland is driving and Natalia holds a gun up to him]
- Natalia: Out!
- [Cleveland gets out of the car and Natalia drives off with it]
- Cleveland: Boy, that was a close one. Up, my son was in the back seat.
- [Stewie and Natalia are in a plane and Natalia straps a parachute onto Stewie]
- Stewie: Where are we going?
- Natalia: You going home. Count to three and pull cord.
- [Natalia throws Stewie off the plane]
- Stewie: Aaaaaah! I don't know my numbers!
- Peter's phone number is given as 555-0112.
- Chris and Meg are in an incestuous relationship.
- The voice actor for the waiter at Wu's Chinese Restaurant is named Robert Wu.
- Alex Borstein won an Emmy for her voice performance of Lois, Babs, and Natalia.
- Vintage recordings of "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" and "Oh My Darling, Clementine" play in a version of Top Gun, featuring only public domain music.
- The song in the "Independent movie sex" gag is "Walking on Sunshine".
- Peter and Lois' car ride home is accompanied by "So Far Away" by Carole King.
- Natalia reads Goodnight Moon of Chernobyl and Everybody Poops Blood to Stewie, riffing on two frequently mentioned books in the show.
- Lois' past experience as a piano teacher is recalled as Peter notes that her piano is now covered in clutter.
- Lois asks Donna if she's seen Blackish and then follows that up by asking the Chinese waiter if he's seen Fresh Off the Boat and finally asks Mort Goldman if he's seen The Goldbergs, shows which drawn on racial stereotypical humor.
- The jet on which Natalia escapes is white with a red-green stripe, red and green being the colors of the Belarusian flag.
- Natalia refers to a Diff'rent Strokes episode starring Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as a substitute teacher. There are actually two; "A Tale of Two Teachers" and "Substitute Teacher".