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Meet the Quagmires

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Meet the Quagmires
Season 6, Episode 6
Air date October 21, 2007
Episode Guide
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The Man With Two Brians

Meet the Quagmires is the sixth episode of the sixth season of Family Guy. It is the one hundred and eighteenth episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

Randall Fargus grants Peter's wish of going back in time to be 18 again just for one night so that he can sow his wild oats. In 1984, he bails on a date with Lois to go to a bar and make out with a movie actress, but when he returns to the present, he discovers that he is now married to the former starlet and Lois is with Quagmire. Meanwhile, Stewie, Chris and Meg have all inherited Quagmire's charming characteristics.

Plot[]

After hearing Quagmire brag about his sexual exploits, Peter feels that he has missed out on enjoying the single lifestyle. After heading to Randall Fargus, he decides to grant Peter's wish by sending them, along with Brian, back to 1984 for one night with his time machine - as he was already planning to use it to meet his wife Eliza earlier in life. He notices his friend Cleveland, in his '80s look, who high-fives him around the pool. He then sees 18-year-old Lois walking around the country club pool, taking her high-heeled shoes off and jumping off the diving board into the pool with "Mr. Night" playing in the background. Appearing to others as his 18-year-old self, Peter cancels his scheduled movie date with Lois, instead accepting an invitation from Cleveland to go and party at a bar. Peter enjoys the evening and ends up making out with actress Molly Ringwald before Fargus appears with Brian for the three to return to the present.

Back in the present day, Peter discovers that his past actions have had drastic effects on the world: he and Molly have been married for 20 years; Judd Nelson crashes at their house once or twice a week; Lois is married to Quagmire; Al Gore is now the President of the United States; Chris, Meg, and Stewie have Quagmire's chin, nose, and mannerisms; and Chevy Chase is the host of The Tonight Show. Brian explains to Peter that by missing out on his date with Lois and making out with Molly, he altered the course of history. Brian also believes that they may have also caused a butterfly effect, as shown with the additional changes to their timeline. Despite Brian's objections about leaving his idea of a "perfect" world (in which there are flying cars that run on vegetable oil and Gore has killed Osama bin Laden by strangling him with his bare hands), Peter wants to go back to the past so he can undo his mistake. After catching up with Fargus, and in a nick of time as he was close to destroying it, he allows him to use it.

Back in the past, Peter is determined to accept Lois' invitation but repeatedly blows his opportunity and ends up repeatedly asking Fargus for a do-over. When Peter finally gets it right, he forgets a few hours later and parties with Cleveland instead of keeping the date. He asks Mr. Fargus for another chance but Fargus, for once getting fed up with Peter's continued blunders, snaps and tells him that he can't keep using it and wasting both his time and his energy. And he'll have to fix the problem on his own.

When Peter tries to apologize the next day, Lois is still upset with him for missing their date and has decided to go to the country club dance with Quagmire. Later that night, Peter and Brian sneak into the dance to prevent the kiss that caused Lois to fall in love with Quagmire. They get in by crawling through the air vent, but crash through and accidentally injure one of the guys playing in the band on the stage, so Brian has to play guitar and sing. Peter tries to convince Lois that they belong together but she stubbornly informs Peter that he had his chance and blew it, and therefore she loves Quagmire now. Peter almost gives up. Brian notices Chris, Stewie, and Meg disappearing from a group photo, indicating that they have fallen off the plane of existence. At a distance, but out of earshot, Brian urges Peter to do something that proves to Lois that he loves her. Peter gets up his nerve, punching Quagmire and kissing Lois. He asks her to marry him and she accepts. In honor of this success, Brian and the band play "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. The episode ends with things seemingly back to normal, with the exception of Roger from American Dad! apparently living with the family.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Quotes[]

Quagmire: Come 'ere baby. Let's head upstairs and play "Hide and go anal".
[George hands Jane one unit of currency. Jane grabs the entire wallet, but George yanks it back]
George Jetson: Hey! Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no, no, no! I took this one out for you. You take this one, I keep this. You are not taking my whole wallet just so you can go shopping!
Jane Jetson: I was just going to buy some groceries.
George: Bullshit.
Brian: Face it, Peter, you not marrying Lois was the best thing that will ever happen in the world.
Peter: I don't care! We've got to find a way to get back to the past, and quick!
Peter: [tearful] Here you go, Lieutenant Shiny Sides. It's okay, you don't have to eat it now. You're just sleeping. You'll eat it later. [crying] You'll eat it later, Lieutenant Shiny Sides!
[when Brian is in the middle of playing Never Gonna Give You Up, the lead singer, Marvin, goes backstage to phone his cousin]
Marvin: [on the phone] Hey Rick, it's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Astley? You know that mediocre generic sound you been looking for? Well, listen to this!
[Peter is recounting his experience to the Griffin family in the apparently repaired timeline]
Lois: Wow, Peter, that's an amazing story. And I'm touched that you went through so much trouble just to be with me. Obviously I made the right choice when I married you.
Peter: Me too, Lois. And hey, let's just all be grateful that things are completely back to normal again. [Roger from "American Dad!" enters the living room]
Roger: Who ate all the Pecan Sandies?
Peter: I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt! And I won't let Quagmire, or any man, she-male, robot, or sentient robot, curious about its own existence keep us apart!
Lois: Meg, stop staring at Mr. Griffin. I'm sorry, Peter, I'm afraid she has her father's libido.
Quagmire: What can I say? I'm a Vagittarius. Oh!
Chris, Meg, and Stewie: [all laugh] Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity.
Peter: Mr. Fargus, oh thank God you're here! Listen, you gotta send me back in time again, so I can marry Lois!
Fargus: Man, it's been a busy day. Dick Cheney, the chairman of Haliburton, shot Supreme Court Justice Scalia in a hunting accident, and the bullet went right through him and killed Karl Rove and Tucker Carlson.
Brian: Oh my God, Peter, you can't marry Lois!
Peter: I don't know who any of those people are.
Brian: Peter, what the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be with Lois.
Peter: Aw, crap! Fargus!
Fargus: You know what? I'm not doing it again. You're wasting my time and energy that I could use for better things right now.
Peter: But Fargus I need-
Fargus: No. Screw this, Peter. No more mulligans! You want to fix this? You're on your own. (hands Peter a remote with a red button) When you're ready, push this and you'll go home. I'm done!
[Fargus warps back to the present]
Peter: Oh, damn it!
Molly Ringwald: Hey, did you guys hear on the news about President Gore hunting down and killing Osama Bin Laden with his bare hands?
Lois: I know! Who would have thought Bin Laden was hiding out in the cast of MADtv?
Quagmire: Man, the perfect hiding spot. The one place no one would look.
[Peter turns the television on]
TV Announcer: Tonight on The Tonight Show, movie star George Clooney.
Peter: Oh, he's good.
TV Announcer: Comedian Dave Chappelle.
Brian: He's funny, like him.
TV Announcer: And musician Harry Connick Jr.
Peter: Wow, what a show.
TV Announcer: And now, ladies and gentleman, heeeeeeeeeere's Chevy!
Peter: Oh God, Brian, we messed up bad! We messed up real bad!
Peter: Fargus, that was totally worth it! It was even better than the time I stumbled into that fat, lonely women's club.
[cutaway to Peter walking into the place he described. He holding a map, and announces for help]
Peter: Uh, 'scuse me, can I have directions to the Providence Civic Center?
Fat Ladies: Ooooooh!
[one of the ladies walks up to Peter]
Fat Lady: Do you like cake?
Peter: Yes.
Fat Lady: Do you like my ass?
Peter: Yes.
Fat Lady: You wanna eat cake off my ass?
Peter: What kind of cake?
Fat Lady: Angel Food Cake.
[Peter pulls out a fork]
Peter: Well, Rusty, it looks like we're gonna eat our way out of another jam.
Ms. Pac-Man: What? What?
Blinky: Jeez.
Clyde: Nothing.
Pinky: Bitch.

Songs[]

  • Earth Angel
  • Never Gonna Give You Up

Trivia[]

  • Meg Griffin has no lines in this episode. Meg Quagmire, the daughter of the alternate reality marriage between Glen and Lois Quagmire, is seen saying "giggity, giggity", with her brothers, Chris Quagmire and Stewie Quagmire.
  • Randall Fargus changes how he and Eliza met, with them now meeting in 1984 instead of 2000 like first seen in "Good Ol' Fargy Love".
  • Ernie the Giant Chicken appears in this episode at the dance in 1984. Peter accidentally punches him in the face while dancing. This angers the chicken and suggests the origin of their later hostility. In "Da Boom" and other earlier episodes, the reason for Ernie's feud with Peter was an invalid coupon.
  • Death mocks one of the bar patrons by calling him Noah Wyle. Wyle played a doctor on the TV show E.R..
  • The song during the pool scene as Lois walks by is "Mr. Night" by Kenny Loggins.
  • Peter dances to the tune of "Axel F" by Harold Faltermeyer from Beverly Hills Cop in the St. Elmo's Clam.
  • The singer of the first song "Earth Angel" is seen talking to his cousin, Rick Astley, who is the actual performer of the song, "Never Gonna Give You Up". Brian provides inspiration to Rick Astley for the song of "Never Gonna Give You Up", creating a time paradox.
  • While Brian is singing "Never Gonna Give You Up", you can see characters that resemble Michael Jackson and 2 gang leaders dancing from his "Beat It" video.
  • Cleveland in the 80's is wearing a Michael Jackson "Thriller"-type jacket.
  • This episode spoofs the title sequence of The Jetsons, copying it exactly up to the point where Jane tries to leave with George's wallet. Unlike the previous Jetsons spoof in “Brian in Love”, which featured Family Guy versions of the Jetson characters, this spoof features them in their original designs.
  • When Cleveland invites Peter to party at St. Elmo's Clam, Peter says that they will raise more Hell than Hellraiser, before cutting away to Pinhead, who is on a date, and unscrews the top of a salt shaker, which causes salt to spill onto his girlfriend's food, to his own amusement.
  • In the altered present, Lois comments that Osama bin Laden had been hiding out in the cast of MADtv, leading Quagmire to remark, "The one place no one would look!" This is a teasing reference to the program, on which Alex Borstein formerly starred.
  • In the altered present, Peter watches the opening intro to The Tonight Show, with Chevy Chase as host and Ed McMahon as announcer, and the special guest stars being George Clooney, Dave Chappelle, and Harry Connick, Jr..
  • Peter claims to be responsible for Joe Piscopo's obsession with bodybuilding.
  • As Peter and Brian crawl through the vent, Peter remarks, "Now I know what a TV dinner feels like." He then admits that it was a quote from the film Die Hard.
  • Brian propositions Lois by using the band names Wham!, Oingo Boingo and Velvet Underground.
  • On the pool scene in the uncensored version Brian says, "Can I Wham my Oingo Boingo into your Velvet Underground?" In the censored version he says "I would eat your poop."
  • On the censored version, when Brian is hitting on the 1980s woman and her boyfriend confronts him, the scene then cuts to Peter making out with Molly Ringwald in a booth at the bar. In the uncensored version, there is an additional scene where the 1980s man tells Brian he'll kick his ass anytime, anywhere, and Brian challenges the man to meet him on top of the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001, at 8:00 in the morning.
  • In the censored version, during the Jetsons opening spoof, George says "Bull crap" instead of "bull shit".
  • In the censored version, Quagmire claims the object poking Lois to be his "wang" instead of "penis".
  • When the young Lois meets Peter, she says she is excited about seeing Zapped! in a theater in 1984 despite the movie being released in 1982. It may have been possible the movie was shown at a film festival, which often re-releases prior movies.
  • When Brian sees Lois after they time-traveled, he says "18 year old Lois..." according to "Let's All Go to the Hop" she is reportedly 2 years younger than Peter which would make her 16, although only Brian's exclamation that she is 18 supports this. The two year separation is later confirmed in "Baby, You Knock Me Out" when Peter is confirmed to be at least 43 in "The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou" and possibly turns 44 during a birthday party in "Baby, You Knock Me Out".
  • Brian calls "Never Gonna Give You Up" "a song by a gay guy." In actuality, Astley is married to Lene Bausager.
  • After Lois and Peter kiss during "Earth Angel", Brian looks at the photo of the kids. In the photo, Chris appears first, then Meg. If they were following the order from Back to the Future, Meg was born first, therefore Meg should appear first on the photo instead of Chris.
  • Horace's TV is on the left of The Drunken Clam, but in "Lethal Weapons", it is on the right.
  • Seth MacFarlane was absent from the DVD commentary for this episode.

Continuity[]

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