Life of Brian is an episode of Family Guy.
After a time travel catastrophe, Stewie puts his foot down and destroys his time machine one and for all. He regrets this decision moments later, when Brian is hit and killed by a car.
Stewie and Brian flee a band of hostile Native Americans in jeeps. After they escape, Brian explains that on a trip to Jamestown in the past, they gave the Native Americans guns which were used to wipe out the whites. Stewie finds his return pad destroyed by bullets and decides to find the alternate Stewie for help. Going to the equivalent of their house, they find a time machine and pad and return to Jamestown to set things right. As soon as their original counterparts leave, they take back the guns and return to the proper time. Tired of their close calls, Stewie destroys his time machine and crushes the remains at the junkyard. While there, they find a street hockey net and take it home for exercise. Setting it up, Brian is hit and crushed by a car. At the vet's office, Brian is near death and the family says their goodbyes. Brian recovers enough to express his love for the family before dying. As Stewie blames himself, he gets the idea to rebuild his time machine to save Brian. Unfortunately, his dealer is unable to supply him with needed parts and he fears Brian is lost for good as the family and friends hold a funeral for Brian.
A month later, Lois talks the family into getting a new pet. Going to the pet store, they find a talking dog named Vinny and Peter decides he is their new pet. At home, Vinny offers to make dinner and ingratiates himself with the family. Peter introduces Vinny to his friends at The Drunken Clam and they become drinking buddies but Stewie still isn't happy with Vinny and decides to ruin him. Stewie feeds him some sad Italian news but Chris ruins it for Stewie calling him names. Later, Vinny hears Stewie crying and finds he is still upset over Brian. Vinny offers some comfort and explains he lost his last owner and felt a kinship since they had lost Brian. Stewie accepts this as they bond and at bedtime, Vinny offers to stay with Stewie.
- Brian Griffin
- Stewie Griffin
- Vinny Filipeli
- Peter Griffin
- Lois Griffin
- Chris Griffin
- Meg Griffin
- Car Driver
- Glenn Quagmire
- Joe Swanson
- Jerome Cool J
- Mayor Adam West (Cameo)
- Consuela De La Morrela (Cameo)
- Cleveland Brown (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Donna Tubbs-Brown (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Cleveland Brown Jr. (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Bonnie Swanson (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Mort Goldman (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Neil Goldman (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Carol West (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Robin West (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Herbert the Pervert (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Dr. Hartman (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Carl (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Tom Tucker (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Joyce Kinney (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Ida Davis (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Jillian Russel-Wilcox (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Principal Shepherd (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Judge Blackman (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Angela (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Carter Pewterschmidt (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Babs Pewterschmidt (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Jasper (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Ricardo (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Giant Chicken (Alluded)
- Mother Maggie (As a Toy)
- Brian: You're the one who's always saying "Never alter the past!"
- Stewie: Oh, come on. Brian, let's be honest. I frequently alter the past.
- Native American Lois: Well, there's my brave warrior. How was work at the Pawtahaya Brewery today?
- Native American Peter: It was so annoying. I was just trying to brew agave into maguey like you do, but everyone was going around with their daughters, selling girl scout corn. It made me feel so guilty I had to buy like 20 ears.
- Native American Chris: Well, at least now we have our dinner then.
- Native American Peter: No we don't. I ate them all on the way here.
- Native American Lois: [comically] Peter.
- [Everyone laughs in a stereotypical "Hoya Hoya Hoya" fashion]
- [Native American Brian enters]
- Native American Brian: Hey, uh, shot in the dark. Is anyone else in the mood to run really fast in one direction?
- [Stewie checks the internet to see if he stopped Native Americans from taking over America]
- Stewie: Let's do a quick search here. Native American role models. Zero results found. Looks like we did it, Brian.
- Stewie: So you know what I did last week? I time traveled ahead to Christmas, so I wouldn't have to wait all year for the new toys to come out.
- [Cutaway to Stewie shopping at the mall at Christmas time]
- Cashier: Wow, good timing little fella. This just came out today.
- Stewie: [chuckles] Uh, yeah. I kind of knew that already.
- Cashier: Would you like to donate an extra dollar to the Quahog food bank?
- Stewie: Oh, sure. A-And would you like to come to my house and clean my living room, while we're both doing stuff for each other?
- Stewie: Not every historical event is all it's cracked up to be.
- [Cutaway gag to Susan B. Anthony giving women the right to vote]
- Susan B. Anthony: Women, we have spent decades, fighting for out right to vote. So, when you go to those booths and cast you ballot, remember, Warren G. Harding is way the cutest! [squeals]
- [Susan B. Anthony and the other girls get into a pillow fight]
- [Peter sits next to a decapitated chicken in the emergency room]
- Peter: Um, aren't you supposed to be running around?
- Chicken: Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.
- Brian: [last words] You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all.
- Lois: Thank you so much for coming guys.
- Joe: No problem, Lois. You know, I usually don't come to funerals. Since I'm a cop, I always wind up getting hit by a black woman with a purse.
- [A black woman beats Brian with a purse]
- Joe: Okay.
- Adam West: None of you people came to my funeral!
- [Adam West walks away and fades into a ghost]
- Quagmire: Dammit Ortiz, stop swinging at junk!
- Meg: Can we at least get rid of the doggy door so Chris doesn't keep getting stuck in it?
- [Chris is shown, stuck in the doggy door]
- Chris: Every day, I get a little further in.
- Lois: Alright guys, time to get a new family dog.
- Meg: Does it have to be another dog? How about a cat?
- Chris: I wanna get a ferret!
- Stewie: Yeah, you would like that, wouldn't you? Creep.
- Vinny: Hey you. Green pants. I hear you're looking for a dog or something.
- Peter: Oh, finally, someone who sounds like they went to college. Hi, I'm Peter.
- Vinny: Hey, Peter. I'm Vinny.
- Peter: Oh, Vinny. Like the Pooh.
- Vinny: I'm just a regular guy. You throw a stick, maybe I'd bring it back. Maybe I'd bring back an I-phone that fell off a truck.
- Peter: What breed are you?
- Vinny: I'm a pussyhound.
- Peter: What the Hell?
- Vinny: That just means I'm 1/16th cat.
- Peter: Oh.
- Vinny: What's your name?
- Chris: Chris.
- Vinny: How 'bout I call you "Hat Boy".
- Chris: Hell yeah!
- Lois: Watch your language, Chris.
- Chris: [to Lois] IT'S HAT BOY, BITCH!
- [Chris bitch slaps Lois]
- Peter: Aw, boy. Vinny, hanging out with you has been the best. Would you like another beer?
- Vinny: No ... I'd love one!
- Peter: [laughing his head off] WHA? WHAT? THE FIRST THING YOU SAID WA ... HA HA HA! OH MY GOD! YOU'RE LI-YOU'RE LIKE ON ANOTHER LEVEL, VINNY!
- Stewie: Congratulations. You won over a complete imbecile.
- Vinny: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Did you just speak that way about the man who busts his tail, providing for you?
- Stewie: Provides for me? He spent my college fund on puppet clothes.
- Vinny: Don't get fresh with me, Estudio.
- Stewie: That's not my name. That-That's not even an Italian version of my name.
- Stewie: Chris! What are you doing? You ruined my plan!
- Chris: CALL ME A CREEP, YOU PIECE OF CRAP!?
- [Chris punches Stewie out cold]
- Vinny: [reads the newspaper] Hey, Doonesbury! How 'bout a joke that ain't for fancy millionaires!
- Monster: Hey, you guys know which room is Peter's? I'm thinkin' I wanna kill him.
- Stewie: Across the hall.
- Monster: Ah, it's too bright in there. Nevermind.
- Brian Griffin dies in this episode, and his replacement, Vinny, is introduced.
- A number of jokes that take place in the pet store are recycled from Seth MacFarlane's scrapped Cartoon Network pilot, Larry & Steve.
- Vinny asking people in the pet store to adopt him, saying he can do their taxes.
- Peter saying he had a Jack Russel Terrier that spoke Dutch.
- Peter misunderstanding the term "euthanasia".
- Brian is killed in the same way that his human counterpart was in "Road to the Multiverse". Being struck by a car.
- The title parodies Monty Python's Life of Brian.
- "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper plays during the 1920s cutaway.
- Stewie dismissing his crying as paying too much for his muffler is a reference to a long-running ad campaign for Meineke Car Care.
- This season premiere directly continues the events of last season's finale, "Yug Ylimaf", by having Stewie destroy his time machine on account of how close to death he grazed in his last time travel adventure.
- The episode contains a callback to the Ipecac gag from "8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter" when Vinny remarks on the vomit smell in the carpet.
- A number of ancillary scenes from the Native American universe.
- Stewie having a pathological need to be liked.
- Stewie asking Brian what he's looking for specifically.
- The Native Americans talking normal.
- Stewie says he's gunna sell the guns to some messed up kid.
- Stewie dismantling his time machine instead of just getting it destroyed in the dump.
- Stewie says that if you own a twin mattress, you're a failure as a human being.
- Stewie says he was using his legs for something else.
- Stewie thinking he can rebuild the time machine.
- Peter says he's going to do a sad yank.
- Mort gets a hockey net out of the trash.
- Stewie asking Yousief for help rebuilding the time machine.
- Peter suggesting that the family starts acting like the Ghostbusters.
- PBS documentary on Albino kids.
- Lois pretending to eat Stewie's Play-Doh pasta.
- Cutaway gag about crucifying jars of pickles.
- Joe taking the McDonald's mascot, Grimace on a police car ride along.
- Stewie ruins a magicians act, by saying that he drives a Saturn car.
- Stewie saying that he has his stories on DVD but not by season.