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John Herbert

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John Herbert
Johnathan Herbert.png
Herbert the Pervert
Full name

Jonathan Oppenheimer Herbert

Age

109

Job(s)

World War II soldier (retired)

Relatives

Sandy Herbert (grandniece)
Jesse (pet dog)

Voiced by

Mike Henry

Jonathan "John" Oppenheimer Herbert, (Also Known As Herbert the Pervert) (Febuary 11, 1911) is a creepy old pedophile, who lives down the street from The Griffins. He is mostly sexually attracted to Chris Griffin, but has the hots for preadolescent and other adolescent boys between the ages of 8 and 19 as well. He never is sexual towards 20+ year olds. He first appeared in "Neighbor Pains", when he moved into Spooner Street.

Biography 

John Herbert was born on Febuary 11, 1911 at 10:00 AM. 

During his childhood, he was mentally abused by his dad. Herbert used to live in Massachusetts until 1929 where he got in a lot of trouble for being proven guilty of child molestation, child abduction, child pornography, and a bunch of other crimes that begin with the word "child". Before he could get arrested, Herbert fled the state and moved to Rhode Island, where he managed to escape the radar and start anew in his new state. He was also a Wolrd War 2 soldier who fought against the Germans.

John Herbert first moved to Spooner Street, along with his pet dog, Jesse. This is when he first met and fell in love with Chris Griffin. He had made several passes in an attempt to rape him. Everyone on Spooner Street was comically oblivious to all of Herbert's obvious signs of being a pedophile. As such, Herbert was allowed to get up close in person with Chris, hire Chris to do chores for him, and even come to his house to babysit him. The only person, who was aware of Herbert being a pedophile was Stewie Griffin, but nobody could understand him.

In "Pubic Indecency", Herbert the Pervert was aroused by Chris, going through puberty and kept hitting on him some more. Herbert tried to get Chris into bed with him, but failed.

In "To Love and Die in Dixie", Chris got hired as the paperboy and delivered a newspaper to Herbert's house. Herbert tried to persuade Chris into his house for some food, but Chris turned him down. The Griffin Family went to live in Dixie for about a week, and by the time they came back, their answering machine was chock full of 113 messages, all from Herbert, pestering them, about when the paperboy was coming back.

In "Lethal Weapons", Herbert was attacked by New Yorkers.

In "The Sandloss", Chris overthrew his dad's baseball into Herbert the Pervert's backyard, while playing catch with friends. Herbert got the ball and suggestively called the boys to "come and get it", a call of which they all resisted. Chris and his friends were afraid to get it back out, with the fear of running into his dog, Jesse. When Herbert caught Chris, Chris admitted that he didn't want Herbert to watch his baseball game because he was so creepy. Hebert said that he'd give Chris his ball back and not attend his game under one condition: He had to go in disguise as a girl and go to the local elementary school's girl swim team and pretend he was his grandpa so he could be allowed in and watch the underage girls swimming.

In "And the Wiener Is ...", Herbert was interested in Chris' big penis.

In "Model Misbehavior", he saw the nudist boy, Jeff Campbell at the mall and said "Holy moly! Today must be my birthday!", super sexed up an interested in that naked boy.

In "North by North Quahog", he disguises himself as a teenage boy and goes to Buddy Cianci Jr. High School on prom night and asks two boys to dance. Brian observes the scene, chaperoning the party and comments "That is one ugly eighth grader."

In "Brian the Bachelor", he watched Chris dancing around in his bathroom shirtless, from a ladder, propped up against the house. The ladder fell over and Herbert crashed into the streets, where he got run over by a car.

In "Petarded", Herbert was singing the song "Peter is Slow", while driving in a car, with tons of little girls in the trunk, singing backup.

In "The Perfect Castaway", he buys an ice cream truck from Brian. This ice cream truck would go on to make many appearances, later in the series, as Herbert's primary method of transportation.

In "Mo' Jobs", Herbert drives his ice cream truck around and abducts kids. Not knowing what the business is really about, Peter applies for a job, working as an ice cream man on his truck. He gets fired on his first day for eating all the ice cream.

In "420", he sneaks up behind a boy and a girl playing in the sandbox, with a net, during the song "A Bag of Weed", and a bag of weed lands in his net. Distracting him from the abduction, as now he can he happy that he can get high. Two more bags of weed land in the hands of the kids and they're happy to smoke also.

In "Road to the Multiverse", an alternate version of Herbert appears in a dimension, where everything is drawn by Disney. Here, he is portrayed as the witch from Snow White. He offers to put an apple in the pie, Disney Lois is making, to which everyone replies with "NO!", throwing a bunch of pies in his face and slamming the door on him.

In "Go, Stewie, Go!", he watched in shock, as "Karina Sunflower" came out as "Desmond Sunflower".

In "And Then There Were Fewer", Herbert drives his ice cream truck to James Woods' mansion. James Woods betrayed Herbert the Pervert by replacing his old man pills with hyper energy pills.

In "Chris Cross", Chris Griffin goes to live with Herbert the Pervert.

In "Game Guy Advance", Herbert's avatar is shown in the Virtual Reality world. His avatar shows him as a little boy talking to other little boys and asking if they'd like to come over to his house and play.

In "The Dating Game", he was one of the people on Tinder, looking for a 18-20 year old boy.

In "The Quagmire Housefire", Quagmire rebuilds his house after it was burned down. However, Quagmire had a lot of sex-related technology installed in the walls of his house, such as a hold-down-o-tron for his bed, trap doors to a sex dungeon, video cameras in the walls, etc. and it would be impossible for him to get his hands on that stuff again. Fortunately, Herbert just so happened to have all the same stuff in his own house and he lent some of it to him. Quagmire commented, "I didn't know he was such a sex maniac too, and at his age, wow, good for him.", not knowing the kinds of people he uses these on. He noticed how a few of the machines were too small for adults and came to the conclusion that old women were frail enough to be handled with this kind of stuff.

Appearance

John Herbert the Pervert is a wrinkly, old creepy man with a weird shaped head. His head is bald and only has gray hair on the sides, with a few inconsistent strands coming out from the scalp. He has three old man circles in his scalp, just above some eyebrow wrinkles above his eyes. His eyebrows are gray and bushy and his nose is droopy. He has weird, crooked, inconsistent teeth, scattered about his big mouth and he has a slightly butt-shaped chin. His neck is very flabby and has a bunch of loose skin rolls on it. He wears a light blue bath robe and a white undershirt. He also wears white pants in the same color as his shirt. He has brown slippers. He also walks with a gray walker. He has a very soft, high pitched voice, that whistles whenever he makes the "S" sound.

Personality

John Herbert the Pervert is a creepy, perverted old man, who lives alone in a house. He does absolutely nothing with his life, because he has no job. The only thing he's ever done with his life that we're aware of is that he used to be a war veteran. So, he basically spends his entire life, thinking about little and teenage boys. He never gets caught for what he does, because he's very sneaky and shifty, and knows how to get around the rules. In fact the police seem to understand that Mr. Herbert is too old to get arrested. He also seems to get around the rules without care, because he doesn't see the police as any conflict at all. He seems to be a generally happy and blissful guy, who is totally happy with his entire life, revolving around being a creepy old molester who tries in vain to rapes kids and teens.

Relationships

Chris Griffin

Herbert is in love with Chris and constantly stalks him, in attempt to have sex with him. Chris is totally oblivious to this and considers him to be his best friend. Herbert has Chris come over to his house and do chores for him, such as raking leaves and mowing the lawn. Herbert rewards Chris, by giving him snacks, such as cyanide popsicles, melatonin cookies, and spiked drinks. Due to Chris' massive girth and low metabolism, these rape drugs never work on him. As such, Chris is one of the few kids Herbert has never managed to rape, but that's not going to stop him from courting his number one prize.

Jesse

Jesse is Herbert's pet dog. The two of them are just as creepy as each other. Like how Herbert molests kids, Jesse molests puppies and they bond over this interest. They both share "Mmmm"s, whenever Herbert pervs out over a little boy.

Cleveland Jr.

Junior is a common victim of Herbert too. This has mostly been shown in The Cleveland Show. In the episode "Cleveland Moves In", Herbert was sad that Junior was leaving the neighborhood. In "It's the Great Pancake, Junior Brown", Junior cutaway to a Halloween in Quahog, where Herbert tricked him into touching his d---. In "Murray Christmas", Herbet came out of Junior's suitcase.

Episode Appearances

Trivia

  • In early production, Herbert was originally written to be Chris' school bus driver.
  • Mike Henry claims that Herbert's voice was inspired by a friendly old man, who used to work with him, when he was a teenager bagging groceries at Publix.
  • Although Herbert is a mostly-male leaning, there have been very few minor occasions, where he's proven to be interested in female children as well, making Herbert a male-leaning bisexual pedo/ephebiophile.
    • In "Neighbor Pains", Herbert's closet was filled with pictures of children, both male and female. Chris assumed these were just pictures of his many grandkids. Later in the episode, he had a sex doll resembling a little girl, which Chris assumed was a toy he was planning on giving one of his granddaughters.
    • In "The Sandloss", Herbert went to a local elementary school to watch the girl's swim team, pretending to be one of their grandparents.
    • In "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air", Herbert's "wife" was a little girl in bondage named Susie Lou.
    • In "Hannah Banana", Herbert was a fan of the Disney Channel sitcom, Hannah Montana, most likely due to his attraction the titular character, played by a then-underage Miley Cyrus.
    • In "German Guy", a couple of Herbert's pictures in his wallet were of girls. Like before, these were mistaken for pictures of his grandchildren.
    • In "Yug Ylimaf", both male and female kids escaped from Herbert's Ice Cream Truck.
  • Herbert is a fan of the controversial Netflix Original, Big Mouth, as seen in "Con Heiress" and "Disney's the Reboot".
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