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John Herbert

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John Herbert
Johnathan Herbert.png
Herbert the Pervert
Name

Jonathan Oppenheimer Herbert

Age

110

Job(s)

World War II soldier (retired)

Relatives

Mary Herbert (mother)
Scott Herbert (father)
Jim Herbert (brother)
Jane Herbert (sister)
Sandy Herbert (grandniece)
Jesse (pet dog)

Voice

Mike Henry (Season 2 - Season 19)
Terrence McNally (Season 20 - Present)

Jonathan "John" Oppenheimer Herbert, (Also Known As Herbert the Pervert) is a creepy old pedophile and hebephile, who lives down the street from The Griffins. He is mostly sexually attracted to Chris Griffin, but has the hots for preadolescent and other adolescent boys between the ages of 8 and 19 as well. He never is sexual towards 20+ year olds. He first appeared in "Neighbor Pains", when he moved into Spooner Street. He used to be voiced by Mike Henry before being replaced by Terrence McNally.

Biography

John Herbert was born on Febuary 11, 1911 at 10:00 AM in Concord, New Hampshire, to Mary Herbert and Scott Herbert. John was the youngest kid in the family, having a brother named Jim Herbert, who was the oldest, and a sister named Jane Herbert, who was the middle child.

During his childhood, John acted very effeminate and indulged more in his sister's girly activities than he did with his brother. He enjoyed playing with dollies, having tea parties, and playing dress up with Jane, as opposed to playing football, playing cowboys and indians, and playing with dinosaur toys with Jim. Mary took notice of this and was concerned that her son might be a homosexual but Scott told her that even if he was gay, there was nothing to worry about. This caused a lot of arguing between the two parents, with Mary saying that John needed to be reprogrammed and Scott saying that there was nothing wrong with him being gay.

One day, John came home from school, saying that he had a crush on a male student. Mary was horrified to see that her worst nightmare had come true and kept punishing him and scolding him for his sexuality, while Scott demanded that she leave him alone and let him be who he truly is. Eventually, Mary had John sent to a homosexual reprogramming camp, hoping to beat the gay out of him. However, all that happened there was John fell in love with another gay boy there and the two became boyfriends.

Mary and Scott would continue to fight and spend endless nights screaming into each other's faces about John being gay. During one of their fights, Scott finally let it slip that he too was a homosexual and that he never even wanted to marry Mary in the first place. He explained that he always knew he was gay but knew society would never let him marry a man, so he married her instead. Scott's one and only hope was that if he let his son be proudly gay, then maybe sometime in the future, society would be more accepting of homosexuals and he could live the normal life he never got to live. Mary was mortified and stunned in absolute terror to hear this and came to the conclusion that John got his homosexuality from his dad. She then demanded a divorce, which Scott happily agreed to.

Mary and Scott filed for a divorce and Mary got full custody of Jim and Jane, while John was left with Scott full-time. Mary knew that Jim and Jane were okay to keep as they both had crushes of the opposite sex, so she knew they didn't pick up their dad's homosexuality. From then on, Mary and her family went their separate ways, while the homosexuals were left to live by themselves.

Scott had gotten his wish of leaving his pitiful ex-wife but was still stuck in a world, where he could never get to be with a man. He felt that his only choice from then on, would be to have sex with his son. John, who was only 8 years old at the time, felt as though he had no choice either and consented to having sex with his own father. This sexual relationship would continue on for all of John's childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, making him grow up, feeling as though this was completely normal.

Outside of home, John would go to school, get into sports, and go to parties with friends. Life for him was more or less completely normal, even though inside the house, things were totally fucked up. Even inside the house, his life was mostly normal. John's sexual activity with his dad wasn't even a major part of either of their lives. It was really just as "major" as a sexual relationship between any regular old husband and wife. In mean, yeah, it happened but, you know. It's not like it affects the other things you do. It's not like you go around talking about it all the time. It's just ... something completely normal. It was around this time, John's life started to get better too. His mom was no longer around to abuse him and repress his sexuality and he was free to live a normal life. This only made the idea of sex with his father seem even more "right". So, this relationship went on and the world was none the wiser.

In 1929, John graduated high school and immediately after turning 18, he moved out of the house to go live on his own. He moved into a nice neighborhood that had lots of children around and he would look upon these children and notice that he had lots of sexual feelings for them, similar to the feelings his father had for him. Herbert made friends with the other parents in the neighborhood and got trusted to look after their children as a babysitter. During these times babysitting them, he would have sex with them and tell them to keep this a secret from their parents, saying that if they told on him, they would be the ones getting in trouble. John's primary job was a gym teacher at the local middle school, which only gave him more opportunities to prey on little boys. John also got other little jobs around the neighborhood as an ice cream man, a birthday entertainer, and a swimming instructor, all of which made him even more appealing to his victims.

In 1941, a now 30-year-old John, signed up for the draft in lieu of WWII and joined the air force to fight the Nazis over in Berlin. When he was stationed in the barracks, there were already three other "Johns" there, so his general and his army buddies just addressed him by his last name, "Herbert". This would eventually be John's main name from then on. Herbert was an excellent fighter pilot and he went off to fight several fights with Nazis and do a pretty good job at it, too. Herbert was one of the greatest members of his force and won lots of purple hearts. His friends all gave him the nickname, "Silverbird" and he was hailed as a very highly respected member of his team.

In 1944, Herbert was kicked out of the military after another crew mate discovered a bunch of child pornography in his suitcase. Herbert was outed as a homosexual pedophile and his general kicked him out of the group and removed his picture from the wall of fame. Herbert had been shunned by his people and the cops had been called on him too. However, Herbert had evaded arrest by fleeing town before the cops could arrive and starting a new life somewhere else.

Herbert would move to the suburbs of Cortland, New York and live his life there with a blank slate. Just like before, Herbert lived in a neighborhood with children and would "babysit" them, just like he did in his home state. He worked as a boy scout troop leader and unsurprisingly, would do the exact same things to them as all boy scouts troop leaders ever do to boy scouts.

Herbert lived in Cortland until 1999 where he got in a lot of trouble once again. He was taken to court and proven guilty of child molestation, child abduction, child pornography, and a bunch of other crimes that begin with the word "child". Before he could get arrested, Herbert fled the state and moved to Quahog, Rhode Island, where he managed to escape the radar and start anew in his new state, just like before.

John Herbert first moved to Spooner Street, along with his pet dog, Jesse in the episode "Neighbor Pains", which is when we were first introduced to him. This is when he first met and fell in love with Chris Griffin. He had made several passes in an attempt to rape him. Everyone on Spooner Street was comically oblivious to all of Herbert's obvious signs of being a pedophile. As such, Herbert was allowed to get up close in person with Chris, hire Chris to do chores for him, and even come to his house to babysit him. The only person, who was aware of Herbert being a pedophile was Stewie Griffin, but nobody could understand him.

In "Pubic Indecency", Herbert the Pervert was aroused by Chris, going through puberty and kept hitting on him some more. Herbert tried to get Chris into bed with him, but failed.

In "To Love and Die in Dixie", Chris got hired as the paperboy and delivered a newspaper to Herbert's house. Herbert tried to persuade Chris into his house for some food, but Chris turned him down. The Griffin Family went to live in Dixie for about a week, and by the time they came back, their answering machine was chock full of 113 messages, all from Herbert, pestering them, about when the paperboy was coming back.

In "Lethal Weapons", Herbert was attacked by New Yorkers.

In "The Sandloss", Chris overthrew his dad's baseball into Herbert the Pervert's backyard, while playing catch with friends. Herbert got the ball and suggestively called the boys to "come and get it", a call of which they all resisted. Chris and his friends were afraid to get it back out, with the fear of running into his dog, Jesse. When Herbert caught Chris, Chris admitted that he didn't want Herbert to watch his baseball game because he was so creepy. Hebert said that he'd give Chris his ball back and not attend his game under one condition: He had to go in disguise as a girl and go to the local elementary school's girl swim team and pretend he was his grandpa so he could be allowed in and watch the underage girls swimming.

In "And the Wiener Is ...", Herbert was interested in Chris' big penis.

In "Model Misbehavior", he saw the nudist boy, Jeff Campbell at the mall and said "Holy moly! Today must be my birthday!", super sexed up an interested in that naked boy.

In "North by North Quahog", he disguises himself as a teenage boy and goes to Buddy Cianci Jr. High School on prom night and asks two boys to dance. Brian observes the scene, chaperoning the party and comments "That is one ugly eighth grader."

In "Brian the Bachelor", he watched Chris dancing around in his bathroom shirtless, from a ladder, propped up against the house. The ladder fell over and Herbert crashed into the streets, where he got run over by a car.

In "Petarded", Herbert was singing the song "Peter is Slow", while driving in a car, with tons of little girls in the trunk, singing backup.

In "The Perfect Castaway", he buys an ice cream truck from Brian. This ice cream truck would go on to make many appearances, later in the series, as Herbert's primary method of transportation.

In "Mo' Jobs", Herbert drives his ice cream truck around and abducts kids. Not knowing what the business is really about, Peter applies for a job, working as an ice cream man on his truck. He gets fired on his first day for eating all the ice cream.

In "420", he sneaks up behind a boy and a girl playing in the sandbox, with a net, during the song "A Bag of Weed", and a bag of weed lands in his net. Distracting him from the abduction, as now he can he happy that he can get high. Two more bags of weed land in the hands of the kids and they're happy to smoke also.

In "Road to the Multiverse", an alternate version of Herbert appears in a dimension, where everything is drawn by Disney. Here, he is portrayed as the witch from Snow White. He offers to put an apple in the pie, Disney Lois is making, to which everyone replies with "NO!", throwing a bunch of pies in his face and slamming the door on him.

In "Go, Stewie, Go!", he watched in shock, as "Karina Sunflower" came out as "Desmond Sunflower".

In "And Then There Were Fewer", Herbert drives his ice cream truck to James Woods' mansion. James Woods betrayed Herbert the Pervert by replacing his old man pills with hyper energy pills.

In "Chris Cross", Chris Griffin goes to live with Herbert the Pervert. When he did, they slept in different beds and Herbert edged closer to Chris' bed closer and closer, as he explained to him that life was all about trying new things. Chris farted and drove Herbert away, ruining the sexy moment. Herbert would enjoy being with Chris at first but eventually, Herbert got sick of living with Chris because Chris kept misplacing all his pornographic movies, making a mess all over the living room, and spending all his time playing TV games. Herbert eventually kicked Chris out of the house and Chris told him that he faked all his light-headedness, when he took his roofie Kool-Aid. Herbert went down to a dinner date with a friend of his (a priest) and his husband, (an altar boy), down in a log cabin and sadly told them that he and Chris broke up.

In "Game Guy Advance", Herbert's avatar is shown in the Virtual Reality world. His avatar shows him as a little boy talking to other little boys and asking if they'd like to come over to his house and play.

In "The Dating Game", he was one of the people on Tinder, looking for a 18-20 year old boy.

In "The Quagmire Housefire", Quagmire rebuilds his house after it was burned down. However, Quagmire had a lot of sex-related technology installed in the walls of his house, such as a hold-down-o-tron for his bed, trap doors to a sex dungeon, video cameras in the walls, etc. and it would be impossible for him to get his hands on that stuff again. Fortunately, Herbert just so happened to have all the same stuff in his own house and he lent some of it to him. Quagmire commented, "I didn't know he was such a sex maniac too, and at his age, wow, good for him.", not knowing the kinds of people he uses these on. He noticed how a few of the machines were too small for adults and came to the conclusion that old women were frail enough to be handled with this kind of stuff.

In "Switch the Flip", Herbert switched bodies with Tom Tucker and used his job as a news reporter to tell little boys to come to his basement. He later switched bodies with Peter Griffin and had sex with Lois, which neither of them enjoyed.

Appearance

John Herbert the Pervert is a wrinkly, old creepy man with a weird shaped head. His head is bald and only has gray hair on the sides, with a few inconsistent strands coming out from the scalp. He has three old man circles in his scalp, just above some eyebrow wrinkles above his eyes. His eyebrows are gray and bushy and his nose is droopy. He has weird, crooked, inconsistent teeth, scattered about his big mouth and he has a slightly butt-shaped chin. His neck is very flabby and has a bunch of loose skin rolls on it. He wears a light blue bath robe and a white undershirt. He also wears white pants in the same color as his shirt. He has brown slippers. He also walks with a gray walker. He has a very soft, high pitched voice, that whistles whenever he makes the "S" sound.

Personality

John Herbert the Pervert is a creepy, perverted old man, who lives alone in a house. He does absolutely nothing with his life, because he has no job. The only thing he's ever done with his life that we're aware of is that he used to be a war veteran. So, he basically spends his entire life, thinking about little and teenage boys. He never gets caught for what he does, because he's very sneaky and shifty, and knows how to get around the rules. In fact the police seem to understand that Mr. Herbert is too old to get arrested. He also seems to get around the rules without care, because he doesn't see the police as any conflict at all. He seems to be a generally happy and blissful guy, who is totally happy with his entire life, revolving around being a creepy old molester who tries in vain to rapes kids and teens.

Relationships

Chris Griffin

Herbert is in love with Chris and constantly stalks him, in attempt to have sex with him. Chris is totally oblivious to this and considers him to be his best friend. Herbert has Chris come over to his house and do chores for him, such as raking leaves and mowing the lawn. Herbert rewards Chris, by giving him snacks, such as cyanide popsicles, melatonin cookies, and spiked drinks. Due to Chris' massive girth and low metabolism, these rape drugs never work on him. As such, Chris is one of the few kids Herbert has never managed to rape, but that's not going to stop him from courting his number one prize.

Jesse

Jesse is Herbert's pet dog. The two of them are just as creepy as each other. Like how Herbert molests kids, Jesse molests puppies and they bond over this interest. They both share "Mmmm"s, whenever Herbert pervs out over a little boy.

Cleveland Jr.

Junior is a common victim of Herbert too. This has mostly been shown in The Cleveland Show. In the episode "Cleveland Moves In", Herbert was sad that Junior was leaving the neighborhood. In "It's the Great Pancake, Junior Brown", Junior cutaway to a Halloween in Quahog, where Herbert tricked him into touching his d---. In "Murray Christmas", Herbet came out of Junior's suitcase.

Episode Appearances

Trivia

  • In early production, Herbert was originally written to be Chris' school bus driver.
  • Mike Henry claims that Herbert's voice was inspired by a friendly old man, who used to work with him, when he was a teenager bagging groceries at Publix.
  • Although Herbert is a mostly-male leaning, there have been very few minor occasions, where he's proven to be interested in female children as well, making Herbert a male-leaning bisexual pedo/ephebiophile.
    • In "Neighbor Pains", Herbert's closet was filled with pictures of children, both male and female. Chris assumed these were just pictures of his many grandkids. Later in the episode, he had a sex doll resembling a little girl, which Chris assumed was a toy he was planning on giving one of his granddaughters.
    • In "The Sandloss", Herbert went to a local elementary school to watch the girl's swim team, pretending to be one of their grandparents.
    • In "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air", Herbert's "wife" was a little girl in bondage named Susie Lou.
    • In "Hannah Banana", Herbert was a fan of the Disney Channel sitcom, Hannah Montana, most likely due to his attraction the titular character, played by a then-underage Miley Cyrus.
    • In "German Guy", a couple of Herbert's pictures in his wallet were of girls. Like before, these were mistaken for pictures of his grandchildren.
    • In "Yug Ylimaf", both male and female kids escaped from Herbert's Ice Cream Truck.
  • Herbert is a fan of the controversial Netflix Original, Big Mouth, as seen in "Con Heiress" and "Disney's the Reboot".
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