| Joseph Glittersparkle Swanson | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Joe Swanson | |
| Name | Joseph Glittersparkle Swanson |
| Age | 56 |
| Job(s) | Police Officer |
| Relatives | Bud Swanson (father) Kim Swanson (mother; deceased) Lisa Swanson (sister) Janine Bananas (adoptive sister) Denise Robertson (sister-in-law) Wendell Robertson (brother-in-law) Bonnie Swanson (wife) Barnaby Bananas (adoptive nephew) Kevin Swanson (son) Susie Swanson (youngest daughter) Abigail Swanson (older sister) unnamed oldest daughter |
| Voice | Patrick Warburton (good attitude: normal) Bill Fagerbakke (bad attitude: tantrums) |
Joseph "Joe" Glittersparkle Swanson (born April 27, 1968) is one of the main characters of Family Guy. He is a 6’3” European-American police officer, who works at the Quahog Police Station. He is the husband of Bonnie and the father of Kevin and later, Susie Swanson. He first debuted in "A Hero Sits Next Door", when he moved into the house next door to The Griffins on Spooner Street. He is voiced by Patrick Warburton.
Biography[]
Early Childhood[]
Joe was born to Bud Swanson and Joe's Mom. While not much is known about his childhood. In "Bird Reich". It was revealed that, when he was in high school, he went on an exchange trip in Germany, but his parents did not pay for his return ticket. Which lead to Joe becoming fluent in German, a detail that was foreshadowed in "Swindler's List", when he talked to Henry Hindenburg in German when Henry switched his language to not get caught talking about his plans, but Joe told him in German he heard all of it.
Becoming a Cop and Meeting Bonnie[]
Joe ends up becoming a cop. During on of his missions, as seen in "Internal Affairs", Joe first met Bonnie when Joe and numerous other cops burst into a stripclub to arrest various strippers for possession of illegal drugs. When Joe and Bonnie locked eyes they fell in love. Bonnie gave Joe a lap dance and later joined her on stage, while the song "Africa" by the band Toto was playing which since became "their song".
Bonnie admired Joe's athletic abilities and grizzled-cop attitude, which is what made her see him as "the one". After a few years of dating, they officially got married. After 5 years of marriage they had their first child who they named Kevin. 16 years later, they had another child, who they named Susie.
Paralyzation[]
Joe first explains that he became paralyzed on Christmas eve of 1998. He was investigating a robbery at an orphanage in "A Hero Sits Next Door", and during a faceoff with the perpetrator, The Grinch, slid off the roof after tripping on a roller skate, falling to the ground and injuring his spine, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. He later admitted in that his previous story about fighting the Grinch on Christmas eve was a lie and that the real way he got paralyzed was when he was shot by Bobby Briggs when undercover at Bobby's heroin lab, when Joe's cover was blown. He regained movement of his legs for a brief time in "A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas", but his son Kevin accidentally ran into him, re-paralyzing him. In "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air", he got surgery to walk again and starts to hang with new friends. However after becoming very arrogant and controlling Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire tries to recribble Joe, weich results in the three getting beat up viciously. Joe's wife Bonnie then attempts to shoot Joe, but misses numerous times, resulting in Joe telling Bonnie to give him the gun so he can do it himself. Joe then shoots himself in the spine, re-paralyzing him.
Moving to Quahog[]
In 1999, a year after his paralyzation before the birth of Susie, Joe and his family moved into the house next to the Griffin's house on Spooner Street in Quahog, Rhode Island. There, Joe met when when Peter's the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory, needed a final member for their company baseball team after Peter injured Gulliermo with a wild pitch during softball practice. While Peter knew that Joe had won many awards for playing baseball in the past; he did not know that Joe was paralyzed below the waist. However, Joe proved that this wasn't enough to stop him and he led the team to victory.
In Season 2's "Neighbor Pains", Joe officially became the new fourth member of the Beer Bar Buddies. after winning the role from Mort.
The Black Revolution of Quahog(2021)[]
After Cleveland Brown renamed himself Cleveland X and became a black nationalist revolutionary with staunchly anti-police & and anti-white beliefs, he and his fellow black pumas attacked the police station. In the resulting shootout, Joe Swanson went into the SWAT Armory and found prosthetic legs, making him able to walk again. This healing of his disability was short lived however as Joe Swanson was killed in the shootout as Cleveland threw a molotov at him, burning him alive alongside the rest of Quahog's police station.
Personality[]
Joe Swanson is known for his severe anger issues, but has also shown to be understanding. This experience of him becoming paralyzed changed him, but only in a physical sense. Joe makes sure he still can do his job as a cop and support his family. He knows how much of a toll his paralysis has taken on his marriage, and never sees him dying as a bad thing.
In later seasons of the show, it became more and more common for Joe's friends to make fun of him for being handicapped. Overtime, this gradually led to him losing much of his confidence. He became a lot quieter and prone to swallowing his sadness. When he is abused, he never fights back, knowing that he has very little to lose. This wasn't just reserved for his friends, as his wife, Bonnie, also started to appreciate him even less. Although Bonnie was a devoted wife at first and didn't let Joe's handicap ruin their marriage, later seasons showed her openly admitting her frustration with Joe, cheating on him, and even making numerous murder attempts on Joe. All of which, Joe is completely aware off and dosen't mind.
As an enforcer of the law, Joe is the groups voice of reason, He constantly makes sure none of his friends do anything illegal, although he is know to let things go under the radar from time to time. Occasionally he does illegal activities with his friends, which gets him less respect at work, but earns him more respect from his friends.
Joe has severe anger issues which often manifest in explosively violent outbursts at random times throughout the series. An example of this is beating his son Kevin in a blind rage to the point Kevin had to live with a foster family for a few weeks in "And the Wiener Is ...", and shooting the leftovers of his 16oz steak then turning the gun on his friends after being mocked for not being able to finish it in "The Fat Guy Strangler".
Joe is arguably the best hand to hand fighter in the entire show. Despite his condition, it has been seen on numerous occasions that he is able to completely overpower other characters who are accomplished fighters in their own right such as Lois Griffin - who became a Black Belt in Tae-Jitsu in "Lethal Weapons" - and Peter - who is known for long violent battles with Ernie the Giant Chicken. Joe has also shown the ability to take on multiple enemies at once, such as his encounter a large number of armed midgets in "The Thin White Line" aswell as Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland in "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air". In "Da Boom" it is shown that despite the lower part of his body being melted into his driveway, Joe is perfectly able to fight and defeat a giant mutated rat. However, Joe is not unbeatable. While controlling the Crippletron in "No Meals on Wheels", he was taken down by Stewie Griffin in part due to Stewies small size and agility. In "Joe's Revenge, he lost the upper hand in a fight to Bobby Briggs, and only managed to recover through quick thinking on his part.
Relationships[]
Family[]
Friends[]
Others[]
Quotes[]
- "Let's do it!"
- "Bring it on!"
- "Bring on the pain!"
- "This is stupid, I WANNA TALK ABOUT VAGINAS!"
- "Rock 'n' Roll!
- "GET SOME! GET SOME!"
- "THE SEXUAL THRILL!"
- "You're getting SLACKS!"
- “Sarah Are you alright!"
- ”YES SHE DID PETER! I JUST SAW IT!”
- "Oh my god, Quagmire lost his penis!"
- "I would like to have the large black cock with peas on the side"
- "SPAGHETTI NOODLE AND SKADDODLE"
- "SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS"
Trivia[]
- In "A Hero Sits Next Door", Joe reveales that the reason he was crippled was because he fell off an orphanage building in a fight with The Grinch.
- However, in "Joe's Revenge", Joe reveals that the real reason he became paralyzed was because of, Bobby Briggs, who Joe refers to as "The only criminal who's ever gotten away" shot Joe multiple times in his legs, paralyzing him. Joe eventually Joe gets revenge on Bobby by killing him.
- Originally, the friend circle was just Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland. Joe didn't join the circle until somewhere in the second season, having needed to get on the guys' good side first.
- Joe refers to himself as "Police Lieutenant" in his debut episode. This implies he holds a decent amount of authority within the Quahog Police Department. However, it is unknown if he retains this rank or not, as he is later seen reporting to Lieutenant Nibbles.
- Under his clothes, Joe wears a colostomy bag, or as he and Bonnie call it, a "poop sack" at all times. Whenever it gets full, Bonnie has to change it, like she's changing a baby's diaper.
- This was referenced in many episodes. In "Brian the Bachelor", Joe yelled "Doodie!" and Bonnie called out to him "Hold on, Joe, I'm doing the dishes. I'll change you in a minute". In "Back to the Woods", Peter told James Woods to take off all his clothes and awaited for his removal of the poop sack. To his surprise, James Woods didn't wear poop sacks and he yelled to Bonnie "Dammit, Bonnie! You lied about the poop sack!", implying that Bonnie had told Joe he's normal and everyone wears poop sacks. In "Dial Meg for Murder", he attacked the runaway convict, Lucas and then laughed at him because he apparently shit his pants in fear, Lucas assured him he didn't and Joe came to the realization that the shitty sensation was just his own poop sack leaking on him.
- Joe has received many phone calls from Peter insulting him about his disability, though he cannot figure out who it is, no matter how unwittingly obvious Peter makes it.
- "Love Your Trophy" reveals he is the only person on Spooner Street who actually pays for his family's cable and Wi-Fi. Every other house on Spooner Street uses his wifi.
- In "Peter's Progress", Joe is said to have been an octopus in a past life, and that the octopus had its legs eaten off by a shark. Fortunately for the Octopus-Joe, the severed legs of an octopus can grow back, another reference to his legs.
- The only immediate Griffins Joe has not arrested yet are Brian, Stewie and Chris. In "Lois Kills Stewie", he pursues Stewie for attempted murder, however this too was only a simulation. He has in fact arrested Meg twice, in "Untitled Griffin Family History" and "Dial Meg for Murder". In "Burning Down the Bayit" he arrests Peter on charges of arson and arrested Lois for shoplifting in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do". Brian has been arrested for pot possession in "420", and although Joe was not the arresting officer, he did have to submit Brian to a random urine test.
- In each part of Laugh It Up Fuzzball: The Family Guy Trilogy, he plays a different character. In Blue Harvest, he played Biggs Darklighter, a member of the Rebel Alliance. In Something, Something, Something, Dark Side, he played an Imperial Probe Droid. In It's A Trap!, he played Jabba the Hutt, as they share immobility without aid from other sources.
- When Peter shoots out Joe's eye in "Powerball Fever", Joe later replaces it with a glass eye. Which he comments on again in "Road House"
- To escape Peter and Evelyn at the Drunken Clam in "Mom's the Word", Joe announces that he was saving the very last time he could walk for Susie's wedding day but uses it to leave them instead.
- Joe hates rats, as seen in "Da Boom".