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Jerome is the New Black

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Jerome is the New Black
Season 7, Episode 2
Air date September 14, 2008
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Jerome is the New Black is the second episode of the seventh season of Family Guy. It is the one hundred and fourth-fourth episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

With Cleveland absent from the Beer Bar Buddies friend circle, the guys try to find a new token black friend as a replacement, with them settling on a new guy named Jerome Cool J. However, Peter turns to jealousy when he finds out Jerome used to date Lois. Meanwhile, Brian discovers that Quagmire hates him and tries to bury the hatchet with him.

Plot[]

Upset that Cleveland left the group of friends to move to Stoolbend, Virginia, Peter, Quagmire and Joe decide to interview potential friends to fill the vacancy, and are approached by a fellow bar patron named Jerome. After impressing the group with his dart skills, they decide to let Jerome join as their new fourth member. Later, when Peter introduces Jerome to Lois, she reveals that they used to date. Peter grows jealous and, in a fit of rage, throws a bottle through the window of Jerome's home, inadvertently causing a fire and burning down the house. The next morning, Peter discovers that Lois has invited Jerome to live with them. As time goes on, Peter cannot contain his jealousy and eventually kicks Jerome out. Lois soon reveals that Jerome had bought Peter a gift, and Peter goes and apologizes to Jerome. In the end, Jerome accepts the apology, then tells Peter he had sex with Meg, but Peter doesn't care.

Meanwhile, Brian discovers that Quagmire hates him. After attempting to rectify the situation outside Quagmire's house, Brian ends up making things worse by mistaking Quagmire's sister for one of his dates and tricking Quagmire into thinking Cheryl Tiegs is inviting Quagmire to dinner. At dinner, Brian tries to make small talk, but Quagmire doesn't soften up. Finally, Brian asks Quagmire why he hates him. Quagmire then goes into a long rant listing the many reasons he hates Brian, then storms off, leaving Brian alone and speechless.

In the end, Brian returns home having been crying. Stewie cheers him up saying that he only needs to like himself, professes his own admiration for Brian, and lets him spend the night in his room. Once they start to sleep, however, Brian farts, much to Stewie's chagrin.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Quotes[]

Peter: Wow, you're cooler than a York peppermint patty.
[Cut to a man in his house, holding a York peppermint patty]
Man: When I bite into a York peppermint patty, I get the sensation...
[He bites into the patty. Cut to him standing on a mountain]
Man: OF BEING ON A FROZEN MOUNTAINTOP!
[Cut to the man, still on the mountain, writing in a diary]
Man: It has been two months since I made the tragic choice to bite into a York peppermint patty, and still I have made no progress in finding my way out of the mountains. The only food I have is the rest of this York peppermint patty, which, unfortunately, keeps bringing me back to the top of the mountain. If anyone finds this, tell my family I love them.
[Another man appears, holding a York peppermint patty]
Man #2: OF BEING ON A FROZEN MOUNTAINTOP!
Quagmire: Look, Peter, Jerome's the coolest guy we've met since Cleveland left.
Joe: Yeah, don't do anything to ruin this, Peter. You know, the way you ruined my parrot.
[Cut to Joe's house]
Joe: I just bought it yesterday. Isn't it beautiful?
Peter: [leaning toward the parrot] Cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple, cripple!
Joe's Parrot: Cripple!
Joe: FUCK!
Peter: Well, you dating that guy? It's just a lot to take in.
Lois: [laughs] Oh, you're telling me.
Peter: Oh, come on! Those kinds of jokes aren't helping!
Lois: Well what do you want me to say? Your being silly. I mean, me and Jerome dated 12 inches ago.
Lois: [laughs] I said inches!
Peter: [angrily] WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!
[Brian waits by Quagmire's mailbox and Quagmire comes out to get his mail]
Brian: He-hey, Quagmire. What a coincidence. You and me just running into each other. Ho-How you doing?
Quagmire: [uninterested] Fine.
[A worn-out looking woman, (Brenda), steps out of the house]
Brenda: Glenn, can you come back inside, please? I need your help.
Brian: Ah, taking a break, huh? She's a hot piece of ass and from the looks of it, she likes it rough.
Quagmire: [disgusted] That's my sister.
Brian: Wha?
Quagmire: That's my sister, Brian. She's hiding out here cuz her asshole boyfriend has been beating her mercilessly. The last thing she'd want right now is to be objectified.
Brian: Oh, God I'm ... I'm really sorry.
Quagmire: I've got a deaf brother. You wanna make fun of him too?
Brenda: Oh no! I see Jeff's car in the distance!
[Quagmire rushes back into the house and takes Brenda]
Quagmire: [worried] Okay, hold on, Brenda! Don't go outside, stay inside!
Brenda: [scared] Oh, God.
[Quagmire opens the door to the garage]
Quagmire: Just hide in the garage. He won't know you're there.
[Quagmire closes Brenda in the garage; Outside, Jeffrey parks his car and barges on into the house with a baseball bat]
Jeffery: [infuriated] WHERE IS SHE!?
Quagmire: [angry but also reasonable] SHE'S NOT HERE, JEFF!
Jeffery: YES SHE IS! WHERE IS SHE!?
[Some crashing noises are heard]
Quagmire: SHE'S NOT HERE! STOP BREAKING MY FURNITURE YOU BASTARD!
Jeffery: I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING HER AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!
Jeffery: IS SHE IN THE CLOSET!?
[A door slam is heard]
Quagmire: JEFF, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Jeffery: [threatening] TELL ME OR I'M TEARING THIS WHOLE PLACE APART!
Quagmire: [maintaining his sanity but still mad] GO FUCK YOURSELF JEFF! IF YOU DON'T GET OUT, I'M CALLING THE POLICE!
[Another smashing sound is heard; Brian takes it upon himself to go into the house and defuse the situation]
Jeffery: IS SHE IN THE BATHROOM LIKE THE PIECE OF CRAP SHE IS!?
Quagmire: [asserting dominance] I'VE GOT 9-1-1 ON SPEED DIAL SO-[distracted]... Brian, get out of here!
Brian: [pompous] Excuse me, um, Jeffery is it? I'd like a word with you.
Quagmire: [offput] Brian!
Jeffery: [to Brian] What the hell do you want?
Brian: [sanctimonious] Yes, I would just like to ask, who the hell do you think you are? How could you treat your girlfriend this way?
Jeffery: MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!
Quagmire: [irritated] Brian, stay out of this, jus-just go home!
Brian: No, no, I will not mind my own business. I would just like to point out that on behalf of women all over the world, you are being terribly misogynistic right now, hurting your girlfriend like this.
Quagmire: Brian, what the hell are you doing?
Brian: You should be ashamed of yourself. That is my dear friend's sister you're abusing.
Jeffery: [offended] ABUSING!? MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BRENDA IS VERY HEALTHY!
Brian: Jeffery, she's literally hiding from you in the garage. I'd hardly call that-
Quagmire: [pissed off] BRIAN, WHAT THE FUCK!?
[Jeffery goes over to the garage]
Brian: [stupid] What?
Quagmire: What the hell, Brian!?
Brian: [realizing his mistake] Oh ...
[Jeffery kicks open the door]
Jeffery: [infuriated] BRENDA!
Brenda: [screams]
Brian: Oops.
Jeffery: GET OVER HERE, RIGHT NOW!
Brenda: GET OUT, JEFF! JUST GET OUT OF HERE!
Jeffery: OH, I'LL GET OUT, WHEN I'M FINISHED!
[Punching and slamming noises are heard]
Quagmire: [pissed off; sarcastic] Oh, thank you! Thank you, Brian! THANKS FOR THAT!
Brian: Quagmire, I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to, I-
[Jeffery carries Brenda out of the garage and back to the car]
Brenda: [crying] PUT ME DOWN, JEFF! PLEASE!
Jeffery: [shaking her] THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE LEFT ME THIS WEEK! YOU'RE THE ONE ABUSING ME!
Brenda: [sobbing louder] I'M SORRY, JEFF! I'm sorry.
[Jeffery exits the house with Brenda and more hitting noises are heard]
Quagmire: [to Brian] You feel good about your sex joke, earlier, Brian? He's savagely beating her again! You hear that!?
Brian: [annoyed with himself] Yeah, I'm not deaf.
Quagmire: Oh, oh-what, like my brother!? Boy you have no class!
[Jeffery and Brenda are shown in the car together]
Jeffery: [to Brian] Yeah, that's the guy's brother, man!
Brenda: [agreeing] Yeah!
Jeffery: Shut up, bitch!
[Jeffery punches Brenda]
Lois: Peter, is everything all right?
Peter: Yeah. Yeah, Lois, everything's fine. You guys, uh, having a little breakfast?
Lois: Yes. And Jerome made scones. Oh, they're delicious.
[Lois picks up a scone and takes a bite out of it]
Lois: [muffled] I thought, maybe later today, we could all...
[Lois starts choking on the scone]
Meg: Oh my God, Mom's choking!
[Jerome runs behind Lois]
Jerome: Outta the way. I'm an E.M.T.
[Jerome starts thrusting Lois's stomach towards him, making it look like he's humping her, doggy-style]
Jerome: Her air wave's jammed. Come on, now. Just like that.
[Jerome starts thrusting Lois again, this time, while pushing her head down]
Jerome: I need some gravitational help.
[Jerome turns Lois upside down, continuing to thrust her]
Jerome: Oh no. Her clothes are restricting. As are mine.
[Jerome puts Lois down and takes her shirt off and takes his shirt off. Jerome then thrusts Lois, making it look like a standing sex position. Lois spits out the scone]
Lois: Ugh... Thank you, Jerome. You saved my life.
Stewie: Um, I'll have what she's having. Says the funniest person in the room.
Brian: I'm trying to establish a friendship with you. All I've done is try to be nice to you, and you still don't like me. How can you not like me?
Quagmire: Ok, I'll tell ya. You're one of the biggest fucking assholes I know. Your best friend pays for your food and rescued you from certain death and how do you repay him? By constantly hitting on his wife. And to add insult to injury, you shit all over his yard. (getting angrier) And you're such a sponge. You pay for nothing. You're always like. "Ooh, I'll get you later," but later never comes! And what really bothers me is you pretend that you're this deep complex guy that loves women for their souls, but all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies, but at least I'm honest about it! I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield is some profound, intellectual. He wasn't! He was a SPOILED BRAT! And that's why you like him so much: he's YOU! GOD, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some intelligent writer even though you're just another dumbass who just so happens to own a damn laptop! You know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would have known there's no "a" in the word "definite." And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should "legalize pot, man", how big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well, what have you done to help? You've saw in-person that I work down at the soup kitchen, Brian. But I've never seen you down there! Or hell, even at any homeless shelter! You wanna help? Grab a fucking ladle! Oh, and by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ! Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ or any religion for that matter, because "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the FUCK are you to talk down to anyone?! Who are you, to offer advice to people, while disregarding everybody else's as you think you're on a higher plane of intelligence, when we all know by now, that you dropped out of college and when you finally did the test after so many years, you failed! And that still isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father! Hey, Bri? How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if it wasn't for your attitude! That's the worst of it, Brian. I know I'm a nasty piece of work, but I don't ever pretend to have the moral high ground compared to you. Because I know without it, you're just a big, sad, alcoholic BORE! [sighs] Well, see ya, Brian! Thanks for the fucking steak.
[After Peter apologizes to Jerome]:
Jerome: We cool, Peter. We cool.
[They shake hands]
Jerome: But listen. There is something I gotta fess up to. While I was living with y'all, I had a lot of nasty-ass sex with Meg.
Peter: I don't care about that.
[after Brian told Stewie about dinner with Quagmire]
Stewie: You know something? That's okay. You don't need Quagmire to like you. You only need one person to like you. And that person is you. And I'll tell you something else: I like you.
Brian: Thanks.
Stewie: You wanna sleep in my room?
Brian: Yeah. That'd be nice.
[Brian closes the door and rests on the floor]
Stewie: Good night, Brian.
Brian: Good night, Stewie.
[Stewie turns off the lights in his room. A few seconds later, Brian farts]
Stewie: Oh, come on, man.

Songs[]

  • Bigoted Songs Medley
    • Drunk Old In-Jun
    • Out, Whitey, Out
    • Jewish Nose
    • Chinaman's Chance
    • Pew, Stinky Frenchman
    • The Brit Among Us
    • Stupta Gupta
    • Hey There, Fruity

Trivia[]

  • This is the first episode to air alongside The Cleveland Show spin-off. With it being aired after two back-to-back episode of the show.
  • Brian discovers that Quagmire hates him, apparently.
  • It's revealed that the love of Quagmire's life is Cheryl Tiegs.
  • This episode reveals that Quagmire has a sister named Brenda Quagmire, whose boyfriend beats her.
    • Also, this episode reveals that Quagmire has a deaf brother.
  • Brian uses the phrase "Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?" in its original variation.
  • Chris and Meg have only one line each in this episode.

Cultural References[]

  • Prior to the second break, an animation of the Macintosh "working" cursor appears mid-sentence, with Peter stating they'll have to wait for it to go away before he can finish the sentence.
  • When Stewie is talking to Brian about Chris Farley, they are talking about the film Tommy Boy. However, Stewie mentions tapping on the glass causing him to fall down the hill, which happens in the film Black Sheep, a movie that also stars David Spade and Chris Farley.
  • Statler is featured in this episode saying how without Waldorf The Muppet Show is pretty good. A reference to their constant put-down of the show.
  • Peter refers to The D.C. sniper attacks that took place in 2002. The mastermind, John Allen Muhammad was executed on November 10th 2009, 12 days before the episode aired.
  • While interviewing Cleveland replacements, Quagmire makes a deal with Kevin Connolly that he be in the group if Quagmire can have some of his Kevin Connolly Charms cereal. He responds to the deal with "Oh No! They're after me Kevin Connolly Charms!", promptly running off with Quagmire behind, chasing him. This is an obvious reference to the advertising campaign of the cereal Lucky Charms, where Lucky the Leprechaun, the owner of the cereal, is constantly chased by children who want his Lucky Charms, saying a phrase very similar to what Connolly said. The box art on the Kevin Connolly Charms cereal box is even similar to the box art on the Lucky Charms cereal box.
  • Jerome and Quagmire quote jive from the film Airplane!.
  • Jerome uses Gary Coleman's catch phrase from Diff'rent Strokes "What 'chou talking about?", prompting a laugh from Peter who recognizes the reference.

Continuity[]

  • The episode takes place after "Cleveland Moves In", since Cleveland has moved to Virginia.
  • This is the second time the Beer Bar Buddies looked for a new member. The first being in Season 2's "Neighbor Pains"
  • All of Quagmire's complaints about Brian are previous history about his life: Failing college twice ("Brian Goes Back to College") but still acts pretentious, hits on Peter's wife (almost every episode), defecates on the lawn ("Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey"), rescues him from death ("Brian Griffin: Portrait of a Dog"), never pays anyone back ("Patriot Games"), made a weed campaign ("420"), and is an atheist (shown in "Love, Blactually" and "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven"), dates dumb chicks (Jillian) but says he likes women for their minds, hates big businesses crushing the underclass ("Hell Comes to Quahog") but doesn't do anything about it, his novel (Faster Than the Speed of Love) which Quagmire says is terrible, and has a son he never sees (Dylan from "The Former Life of Brian").
  • We learn more about Quagmire's love for Cheryl Teigs in "And Then There Were Fewer" and even moreso in "Tiegs for Two".
  • Jerome refers to Lois as 'Loose Lois', the same nickname Gene Simmons used in "Road to Europe".
  • Quagmire previously tolerated Brian sitting with him at the Clam in such episodes as "Meet the Quagmires" and "The Former Life of Brian". He even went as far as to allow Brian to move in with him during the New Brian debacle in "The Man with Two Brians".
  • Quagmire criticizes Brian for not being involved in Dylan's life. However, Quagmire has at least four children who he knows of, all of whom he willingly abandoned (even seen in "Peter's in Charge" when a woman delivered him a baby from their night together and Quagmire just gave the baby up at an adoption center. Also, although Quagmire says that Brian never takes action despite his liberal beliefs, Brian did start a campaign to legalize pot in "420", and held Mayor West hostage to legalize gay marriage in "You May Now Kiss the Uh ... Guy Who Receives". Also, Quagmire states that Brian always hits on Lois. However, Quagmire hits on Lois as well. This makes Quagmire seem very hypocritical.

Errors[]

  • Quagmire tells Brian to learn about the economy on the internet, even though he wouldn't have discovered the internet until "Family Goy".
  • Quagmire mentions that he has a girl tied up in his basement, yet in "420" he mentions that he found James under his house, indicating that he has no basement.
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