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HttPete
HttPete is an episode of Family Guy.

Synopsis

Peter's new superior at the Pawtucket Brewery is an SJW millennial.

Plot

To help promote the brewery to millennials, a millennial hipster is hired to teach the staff. Peter catches on quickly and adopts the millennial lifestyle after walking through a cloud of vape smoke, but when the expert is killed by a bus while texting on a hoverboard, the brewery makes Peter in charge of their program. He enlists the guys to help him create a video program for social media, which after a few misfires, soon attracts the attention of a high-powered Silicon Valley executive.

But on a tour of the building where the entire internet is housed, Peter mistakes a server room for a restroom and shorts out the entire internet, leaving the world in chaos. After making their way back home, Peter tries to substitute as the entire internet, complete with pop-up ads, looping videos and viruses. When Meg and Chris both note that they had previous luck in recovering their cell phones with rice, they try it with the server and it works. Dining out at a fancy restaurant, all of the patrons and staff are so engrossed in their smartphones that they fail to notice the restaurant going up in flames around them, as Rod Serling closes out the episode comparing the events around the diners to the FOX Tuesday night lineup.

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

Hammer: Peter you're doing great as a millennial. Next thing is you gotta be on Fleek.
Peter: "On fleek"? People still say "on fleek"?
Hammer: No Peter, that's not what I meant. I want you on Fleek. This is Fleek.
Peter: Aww, can I ride him?
Hammer: Sure, Peter. Get on Fleek.
Peter: Yay!
[Peter and Fleek ride past a collection of various images]
Peter: Our country's involved in six different wars, but millennials think about this stuff!

Hammer: Remember, Peter. Never walk anywhere when you can ride something weird instead.
Peter: What's that? Sorry, I was too busy taking a selfie while shooting a Snapchat while periscoping that Snapchat while Instagramming latte art while Shazaming the Weeknd while streaming Master of None while retweeting George Takei while saying, "This wins the Internet!" while still being #sooobored. Hammer? Hammer? Come on, man. Don't make me look up from my phone.

Hammer: [Having been hit by a bus] Peter, it's too late. Listen. I've got this idea for a business, and I want you to have it. It's artisanal ... artisanal ...
Peter: Artisanal what? Is it pretzels? Is it artisanal pretzels? Has that been done? Does anyone know if artisanal pretzels is a thing? It seems so obvious, yet I don't think I've ever seen them. I better do millennial CPR! One! Ugh, whatever. Two! Ugh, whatever. Three! Ugh, I'm gonna let my parents take care of this.

Quagmire: It's just so sad that young people can't pay attention to something longer than six sec-[Cut to a live-action clip of a man losing his grip of a trapeze bar. Camera zooms out to reveal Peter, Joe and Cleveland watching the clip on a phone]
Quagmire: What the hell, you guys? I was talking! You know, there's more to life than just what's on your phone!
[Camera zooms out to reveal God watching the guys on his phone]
God: Wrong, idiot.
["Emergency alert from Africa" appears on God's phone]
God: Anyone know how to turn these things off?

Peter: I'm Peter Griffin, and this is The Six Second Talk Show. My guest tonight is Joe Biden, and that's all the time we have. Thanks for watching, goodnight. How was that?
Quagmire: Eh, kinda dragged.

Cleveland: It's The Six Second Talk Show, and now, your host. Heeeeeeeeere-

Peter: Where's your nearest bathroom?
Parker Stanton: Gender fluid?
Peter: Yes, there will be a lot of that.

Driver: I have no idea how to drive without texting!

Brian: There's a taxi stand.
Peter: Dead. Dead. Dead. Barely alive! To the airport!

Peter: We can play charades.
Chris: Oh, you mean like your marriage?
Peter: Chris, I told you that in confidence.

Peter: If you wanna tweet something, you do it the old fashioned way: write it on a piece of paper, staple it to a bird, and throw it out the door. [Demonstrates]
Cat #1: Hey, do you follow Peter Griffin on Twitter?
Cat #2: No, why? Is he funny?
Cat #1: No, he just throws dead birds on his lawn, and it's awesome.

Joe: Hey, Peter, who are these guys?
Peter: Oh, this is just my looping GIF of black teens reacting to a very mild burn.
Joe: Huh, sounds kinda pointless.
Peter: Oh, you mean like your feet?
Black Teens: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Chris: You know what I miss about the internet? The memes.
Peter: Great idea, Chris. Let's do some real-life internet memes, that utilize some good old fashioned boomer humor.
[The next scene shows Peter and Chris animated in the "Boomer Humor" style]
Chris: Say, pop. I think this book is broken.
Peter: What makes you say that, son?
Chris: I keep on swiping it, but it's just not moving.
Peter: Boy, you millennials really can't live without the internet, can you?
Meg: No, dad, we can't and neither can you! Now none of us get to use it because you destroyed the Wi-fi.
Peter: Meg, I still have Wi-fi, she's my "Wi-fi" hate.
[Lois enters]
Lois: I hate you too Peter! Also my boobs are sagging down to the ground and now I look like a quadruped!
Peter: Nobody cares, bitch.
Lois: Of course you wouldn't care. Fat and lazy men like you don't understand!
Peter: Did you just assume my gender?
Meg: I'm getting sick of this. Can we do some millennial humor now?
[A Peter-Lois-Stewie hybrid and a Chris-Meg-Brian hybrid show up]
Peter/Lois/Stewie: Keep calm and love yeet!
Chris/Meg/Brain: England is my city.
[Chris/Meg/Brian dabs]
Peter/Lois/Stewie: I am clinically depressed and want to kill myself.
Chris/Meg/Brian: When people say "PC is better than Mac".
[Live-action footage of a black guy laughing]
Black Guy: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! NO NO NO NO NO!

Peter: Look. We're getting a signal! I think we fixed the Internet! Something's coming through!
Worker: It looks like an ad.
Peter: Smithwork's artisanal pretzels. Son of a bitch!

Lois: Well I'm glad you got the Internet-hold on ... I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Peter: Yeah, sounds good. [Takes picture of genitals] And send. Take that, Delta Airlines.

[A distracted chef starts a fire]
Rod Sterling: Submitted for your approval. A restaurant full of people so distracted by their phones, they're unaware that they're all about to go up in smoke, just like the FOX Tuesday night lineup.
Black Teens: OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!

Trivia

  • This episode received a lot of controversy from millennials and SJWs.
  • Hammer's dying wish is to have his body chopped up and served as street tacos.

Cultural References

  • This episode's title is a reference to the application hypertext transfer protocol, known as "http."
  • Peter references Ellen DeGeneres group selfie at the 2014 Oscars.
  • Bill Cosby refers to Matt Damon who made a speech defending some sexual predators and men in general in Hollywood.
  • Peter and Chris simultaneously ask Parker Stanton about Mr. Skin, referring to the website that tracks and rates images of nude celebrities.
  • The Oscar Pistorius as Peter's roommate gag refers to the Former Olympic and Paralympic star accusation of eventual conviction for killing his girlfriend by firing four bullets through the locked door of a bathroom in his house and later claimed that he believed an intruder had broken into his home.
  • According to the training video, Millennials count taking selfies at Auschwitz as an "authentic experience."
  • Also according to the video, loving sriracha or Austin, Texas counts as a personality.
  • When Peter becomes a millennial, Hammer has him be on fleek by riding Falkor.
  • Mayor West reads from the book of Just Jared at Hammer's funeral.
  • Peter's "Looping GIF of black teens reacting to a very mild burn" is based on the YouTube series, Supa Hot Fire with a scene turned into a gif.

Continuity

  • This episode's plot is similar to the plot of "I Never Met the Dead Man", wherein Peter destroyed television for everyone in Quahog and had to compensate by making TV in real life.
  • Meg had previously mentioned to Chris using rice to dry cell phones in "An App a Day".
  • Joe is placed in the corner after bringing up Leeroy Jenkins, which was previously used in "Veteran Guy".

Deleted Scenes

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