He's Quagmire.jpg

He's Quagmire is a recurring song in Family Guy, that was first sung in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do". The song is a theme song jingle for Glenn Quagmire, that will often play after he makes a sexual pun. Once the theme song plays, a short skit happens, showing Quagmire doing something perverted. Afterwards, the closing theme ends it all off.


In "Breaking Out is Hard to Do", Quagmire showed up in a women's prison, much to the confusion of Peter. When asked why he was there, he said he was visiting some prisoners because "[he loves] doing a woman in the can." This cued the theme song, followed by a skit of Quagmire ruining a fancy dinner party by stripping down to his undies and dancing around on the table.

In "I Take Thee Quagmire",

In "Brian the Bachelor",

In "Mo' Jobs", Peter looks for work at a farm and the farmer says that they have an opening for a "chicken sexer". Peter gets grossed out but the farmer tells him that it's not what it sounds like. Quagmire appears and says "Trust me. I applied for the same job. It's not what you think." The farmer then goes on to explain that it's just checking the gender of all the chickens and Quagmire confirms this, saying he checked all the genders. There were 61% females and 39% males. The farmer jokingly asked if he had sex with any of them and Quagmire says "Not with the 39%, I didn't." The farmer gasps and Quagmire says "What? You knew this was coming when you brought this cock into the hen house." The theme song plays.

In "Full Metal Jackass",

In "The Father, The Son, and The Holy Fonz", Quagmire came into Peter's confessional booth to confess to his son of having premarital sex. Confused at Quagmire's abruptly uncharacteristic behavior, Peter asked why he showed such shame in something he's never felt a shred of guilt of before. Quagmire just said that he wasn't confessing. He was proud and he was just going around, telling everyone. The song played.

In "You May Now Kiss the Uh ... Guy Who Receives",

In "Airport '07", Quagmire had sex with a woman at the airport and talked to her like an airline pilot afterwards, saying things like "Thank you for choosing Glenn Quagmire sexlines. Please exercise caution when standing up, as the contents of your vagina may have shifted during coitus."

In "April in Quahog", the alleged apocalypse was among Quahog and Quagmire begged Joe permission to have sex with Bonnie. He claimed that he had never actually had sex before and all his previous stories were false. Joe allowed it and Quagmire had sex with Bonnie. Afterwards, Quagmire boastfully admitted that he actually did have sex and he just wanted to trick Joe. In response, Joe casually shrugged his shoulders and asked "Who else but Quagmire?" cueing the song. This is the first time a character in the scene said "Who else but Quagmire?" rather than he Who Else But Quagmire? Guy.

In "A Woman Walks Into a Bar",

In "Baby, You Knock Me Out",

In "Peter Gets Served",

In "Forget-Me-Not",

In "A Fistful of Meg",

In "Hot Pocket-Dial",

In "American Gigg-olo",



Who Else But Quagmire Guy: Who else but Quagmire?
Chorus: He's Quagmire.
You never really know what he's gunna do next.
He's Quagmire.
Quagmire: Giggity! Giggity! Giggity! Giggity!
Let's have sex!


Chorus: He's Quagmire.
Quagmire: Giggity! Giggity! Goo!

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