He's Bla-ack! is an episode of Family Guy.
Cleveland and his family return to Quahog. Now, Cleveland has to find a new job, Donna has to fix up the house, Junior has to adjust to being bullied at James Woods High, Roberta has to become popular and stay that way, and Rallo has to adjust to Stewie being cooler than him.
Cleveland comes back to Quahog and his bar buddies are rather indifferent to his return. They all shun him for how bad his show was.
Now that Cleveland's back, he has to find a new job, but that's not easy for a black man. To be honest, he doesn't even have the motivation, because he misses Stoolbend so much. The bar buddies make him feel more at home by dressing crap up like Stoolbend and being annoying. This makes Cleveland realize how ridiculous his wishes are. Eventually, he gets a job at a post office.
Junior's new school is James Woods High, but the kids there are super mean. They bully him and make fun of his weight. Roberta on the other hand, becomes instantly popular, fitting in with Connie's clique. However, they constantly bully kids, and she has to join them. It's taken a step too far, when they bully Junior. Roberta makes a deal with the clique, saying that they can't bully members of their own family.
Rallo is so used to being large and in charge, but at his new school, Stewie has that title.
At the end of the episode, Cleveland trash talks Family Guy, and to be honest, he's right.
- [Cleveland enters]
- Cleveland: Wassup fellas?! ["The Cleveland Show" theme music plays as Cleveland strikes a pose. There is an unsatisfying pause of silence from the guys]
- Peter: ... Oh hey, Cleveland.
- Joe: Yeah hey, Cleveland.
- Quagmire: Hey, don't you have a show that you-Ohohoho that's right.
- Cleveland: Yep, in case you haven't heard. I've been cancelled.
- Peter: Ohoho! Yes it was, Cleveland! And now it's time to roast your ass! [calling out to the offscreen] Jerome!
- [Cut to Jerome]
- Jerome: I gotchya.
- [Jerome dims the lights and some spotlight shine on the bar buddies, and a giant sign that says "Roast of The Cleveland Show" appears above them. Music plays, and the guys rip their clothes off, revealing fancy suits and ties underneath.]
- Peter: Welcome all to the roast of The Cleveland Show. And our guest of honor is none other than, Cleveland Brown himself.
- [Jerome picks up Cleveland and throws him into an armchair, preparing him for the roast]
- Cleveland: Alright, alright, I knew this was comin', everybody gimme your best shot.
- Peter: Alright, who's up first?
- Quagmire: [to Peter] I'll go.
- Peter: [offscreen] Alright.
- Quagmire: [to Cleveland] [clears throat] Okay, um ... wow, are you serious? Where do I even begin? Y'know, it's not a good sign that this is the first time a lot of people are realizing you had a show!
- Peter: Your show was basically a waste bin for jokes and storylines that were either too unfunny or too stupid for us. Too unfunny and stupid for Family Guy!
- Joe: Your logo was stupid. It looked like a big purple penis and your ratings blew.
- Cleveland: We did about the same as Bob's Burgers.
- Quagmire: That's your bar?!
- Joe: Oh my God!
- Peter: Which, by the way, is doing better than you.
- Cleveland: Ugh, okay. This is good. This is constructive criticism.
- Peter: Oh, Waaaaay to late for constructive criticism, my friend.
- Vinny: I oughtta tell everyone I never even knew your show and had nothing to do with it, because like that other dog, it is dead.
- [The guys laugh]
- Peter: Ho ho! Nice one Vinny!
- Quagmire: Very good analogy.
- Joe: Classic V-dog.
- Cleveland: Alright, I'm sorry, hold on, who the hell is this guy? I don't remember him.
- Peter: This, Cleveland, is Vinny Santiago Fillipeli. A.K.A., a likable character.
- Cleveland: MAH SHOW HAD LIKABLE CHURRICTERS TOO!
- Vinny: Oh, yeah, a hillbilly, a gynecologist, a gross midget dude, and a giant bear. Yeah, I can kinda see myself in a few of them.
- Quagmire: And you know, the talking bear was so bad, Seth MacFarlane quit voicing him after Season 2.
- Cleveland: It's hard to make a talkin' bear funny.
- Quagmire: [laughs] It worked out okay in movie form.
- Joe: What was supposed to be the show's audience anyway? Who did you make it for? Like, some black guy who's never met another black guy?
- Vinny: You being the first black lead in adult animation is an insult to the African-American community. This coming from a racist.
- Cleveland: [Sigh] ... You're right. You're all right. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!! MY SHOW'S BEEN CANCELLED!!! AHOO HOO HOO! OOOOOH, IT HURTS SO BAAAAAAD!
- Peter: Calm down, Cleveland. We've still got some more insults.
- Cleveland: OH, MY! PLEASE MAKE 'EM STOP!
- Joe: Alright, I think we should give this guy a break.
- Vinny: Ol' puss has had enough.
- Peter: Alright, Cleveland. You see how bad your show is, now?
- Cleveland: Yeah. [sniff] I do.
- Peter: Good, cuz you're not going anywhere now. From now on, you're back here with us.
- Cleveland: Okay. So, now that I'm back, what are we gunna do?
- Peter: Yeah, here's four seasons worth of DVDs of what we've been up to. Y'know, just so you're back up to speed. And I'll warn ya ahead of time, these have jokes in 'em.
- Cleveland: I ... [Cleveland sniffs and his lips start to quiver] [about to cry] I don't have a DVD player. [bursting into tears, crying]
- [Rallo meets Stewie]
- Rallo: What's up, man?
- Stewie: Yeah, yeah, 'sup. Keep walking ya Boondocks ripoff.
- Lois: [outside the bathroom] Peter, what are you doing in there?
- Peter: [as "Slow Ride" by Foghat begins playing] Nothing. [repeatedly flushes the toilet as the song plays]
- Lois: Peter, you're wasting tons of water!
- Peter: It's not a waste, and we need a faster toilet!
- Chris: So, you're saying that Goofy and Pluto are both dogs of the same species?
- Junior: Well, what I'm saying is, Goofy is a dog that can walk and talk like a human, right?
- Chris: Yeah?
- Junior: But then Pluto is also a dog, but he can't walk and talk. He just acts like a regular dog.
- Chris: Oh, yeah.
- Junior: Now what is up with that?
- Chris: Eh, you know. Lazy writers, leaving inconsistencies in their show.
- [Brian and Rock Hudson enter]
- Brian: So, who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
- Rock Hudson: [bark] [bark]!
- Brian: Uh, excuse me?
- Rock Hudson: [ruff]!
- Brian: I uh, ... I don't follow.
- Rock Hudson: [bark] [bark] [bark]!
- Brian: Riiiight ... Well, I guess I'll be on my way. See you later, ... inarticulate person.
- Rock Hudson: [ruff] [ruff] [ruff]!
- Quagmire: He don't have the guts to say anything back.
- Cleveland: [angry] Actually, you know what? Yes I do! Boy I'm glad to be back in good ol' cracker-ass Quahog! You know, my show actually offered a joke every now and then. We weren't helplessly reliant on shock value and cutaway gags. You may not have been enticed with the show, because it didn't include any of that. Sorry, we didn't have time, because of the damn plot! Oh, and we also used a certain element, not sure if you know, called continuity. It kept the show fresh, without us needing to kill off a main character, and introduce a Taco Bell-lookin' dumbass to the home. Also, did you know character development is supposed to make people better? Not more misogynistic and prone to rape? The only reason people prefer you over me is because you've been on longer. You have history. You're marketable. If you guys were cancelled like 5 years ago, like you should have been, we wouldn't have been overshadowed by you and we'd probably make a full series. But who gives a damn about us? Let's watch Peter abuse his family and make 500 rape jokes about random celebrities, to distract people from the show's complete lack of substance. Hooray! My God, you were doing so well before I left. Interesting. It's like the creativity of Family Guy left and went over to my show. Well maybe, just maybe. Me, and a few of my writers can pump just a bit of life into this show, now that I've returned. So, yeah. I guess I'm doing you guys a favor. Great to be back, you fucking dickheads.
- [Cleveland leaves and there's a long pause]
- Quagmire: See, if I had the spin-off-
- Peter: Shut up, Quagmire.
- This episode marks the official return of Cleveland Brown, coming back to Quahog, following the cancellation of his spin-off The Cleveland Show.
- This episode was aired immediately after the The Cleveland Show series finale, "Cleveland Moves Out" and directly continues it's events.
- From this episode onwards, Cleveland replaces Mort Goldman in the opening.
- The title is a pun on the phrase "He's Back!"
- This episode was originally going to have a sideplot about Lois and Donna getting into a fight, but due to time constraints, this story was cut and recycled into it's own episode, "The White for the Coloreds".
- When Cleveland returns, the trumpet notes to the beginning of The Cleveland Show theme song are heard.
- During Cleveland's defense of Tim not being funny, Quagmire's comments about Seth MacFarlane making a talking bear funny in the movies is a reference to Ted.
- Peter flushes the toilet to Foghat's song "Slow Ride" when bored. The Evil Monkey listened to the same song when the family left to go visit Lois' parents in "Model Misbehavior".
- Cleveland says that his spin-off did the same as Bob's Burgers in terms of ratings and reception.
- Stewie calls Rallo Tubbs a rip-off of The Boondocks, another adult animated series starring a main cast of African-American characters, many of which have big afros.
- A lot of the stuff being shipped into the house as well as the junk in Cleveland's garage are Easter Eggs, making callbacks to episodes of The Cleveland Show.
- Peter moves in Cleveland's box of ceramic glass giraffes, which the latter won as a second place prize in a coolness contest from the episode, "Back to Cool".
- Terry's comical baseball cap from "Terry Unmarried".
- Joe finds a telephone cord in a box, which Cleveland says he uses as a dog leash. He was previously shown, using a telephone cord as a dog leash for Rock Hudson in "To the Mex".
- Joe bragging about Bonnie painting his toenails, leading to Peter, Vinny, and Quagmire to criticize the size of his crippled foot.
- Lois says it's good that Cleveland moves back in, and Stewie tells her that she's only saying that, because she thinks it sounds good.
- Cutaway of Cleveland's house being rented out to singing orphans.