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Peter Dies Like a Moron
Griffin Winter Games is an episode of Family Guy.

Synopsis

Meg joins the Winter Olympics.

Plot

TBA

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

Meg: I'm a bi...
Stewie: Knew it.
Meg: ...athlete.
Stewie: Didn't know it.

[Meg is disappointed in her family, for not knowing she's a skier]
Meg: How could you guys not know about this? I've been training for years.
[Flashback to the barfing scene from "8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter"]
Lois: Who wants chowder?
[Peter, Chris, Brian, and Stewie all barf again, and Meg enters]
Meg: Okay, I'm off to go train for the Olympics ... ew.
[Flashback to Stewie pestering Lois from "Stewie Loves Lois"]
Stewie: Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama!
Lois: WHAT!?
Stewie: Hi.
[Stewie runs away, giggling mischievously; Meg immediately enters]
Meg: Hey, Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Ma! Lois! Lois! Mama! Ma! Mom!
Lois: FOR GOD SAKES, WHAT!?
Meg: I'm gunna go train for the Olympics.
[Flashback to Stewie eating broccoli from "I Never Met the Dead Man"]
Stewie: My goal becomes clear. The broccoli must die.
[Meg enters]
Meg: [in her Lacey Chabert voice] Alright, I'm off to train for the Olympics.
[Flashback to "A Bag of Weed" from "420"]
Brian/Stewie: [singing] A bag of weed, a bag of weed, oh everything is better with a bag of weed. Oh, you don't need meth, and you don't need speed, cuz everything is better with a bag of weed!
[Meg enters during an instrumental break]
Meg: You guys know weed is legal in Alaska. I'm going there to practice my skiing for the Olympics. Wanna come with me?
[Flashback to Brian's death from "Life of Brian"]
Lois: Oh no, Brian!
Peter: He's ... He's dead.
Meg: Now he won't get to watch me at skiing practice, today!
[The family looks at her in disgust]
Meg: ... Well, he won't ...
[Flashback to the 12 people sex recreation from "12 and a Half Angry Men"]
Quagmire: Okay, Consuela, I'm going to need you to close your eyes.
[Consuela squints]
Quagmire: No. All the way. There are 11 of us, dear.
[Screen pans out, to reveal Meg]
Meg: Guys, there were 13 people in this orgy.
Quagmire: I know, but since we want people to pretend they're enjoying it, we're gunna have to leave you out.
Meg: [angered] God, I could be training for the Olympics right now.
[Flashback to You Cheeky Bastard from "PTV"]
Brian: You cheeky bastard.
[Stewie's laugh track plays and Meg enters]
Meg: Hi, I'm Meg. I have a side plot about skiing for the Olympics.
[Stewie's laugh track boos at her]
[Flashback to Lisa trying to find Meg's talent from "The Simpsons Guy"]
Meg: [screaming] I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL LIKE I'M GOOD AT NOTHING! [murmuring] except skiing.
[Flashback to Peter as Han Solo and Quagmire as Obi-Wan in "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side"]
Quagmire: You can't go out there in this weather. Your Don Don will freeze.
[Screen pans out to show the snow by them and Meg enters, riding skis and dressed as Rey]
Meg: Then, I can take you there. I spend so much time skiing, that I've built up an immunity to the cold.
Peter: Shut up, Rey. Go back to your sequel.
[Flashback to Cool Whip from "Barely Legal"]
Brian: Cool whip.
Stewie: Cool hwip.
Brian: Cool whip.
Stewie: Cool hwip.
Brian: You're eating hair!
[Stewie spits out the hair in disgust; Meg enters]
Stewie: Ew, gross!
Meg: Don't worry, Stewie, you spat it out. Not like Brian here. [whispers seductively to Brian] I'll be thinking about you, while I'm skiing.
[Flashback to Brian and Jess getting married in "Married ... With Cancer"]
Jess: We get to be together forever and ever and EVER!!!
[Cut to Meg and Lois in their seats]
Meg: Boy, am I ever glad I didn't marry Brian in that other episode. Now, I get to spend more time practicing for the Olympics.
[Flashback to a fake scene from a fake episode, where Peter joins Meg, while skiing]
Peter: Wow, skiing is fun Meg! No wonder you do it as a hobby.
Meg: I know, and just as a reminder, I do this to train for the 2018 PyeongChang Olympics.
Peter: Oh, no need to remind me. Who could forget such a recurring, commonly established character trait, that's been around, throughout the entire series?
Meg: Look out, dad!
Peter: Why?
[Peter crashes into a wooden post, with a bag of nickels tied to it, hitting himself in the testicles]
Peter: OW, NICKELS!!! I HATE THIS RUNNING GAG!
[Cut back to scene]
Meg: You don't remember any of that?
Chris: No.
Brian: Sorry.
Lois: Can't say that I do.
Peter: That was some good clam chowder, though.

Peter: Ow, my balls!

Chris: I'm the Quahog edging champion.

Lacey Chabert: You're going down, Meg!
Meg: Lacey Chabert?
Lacey Chabert: That's right. This should be my Olympics!
Meg: Shut up, Meg!
Lacey Chabert: No, you shut up, Meg!
Meg: No, you shut up, Meg!
Peter: [offscreen] Shut up, Megs!

[The family, except for Stewie, burns their mouths on hot chocolate]
Stewie: Mine has whipped cream, so I didn't get it on the first sip.

Meg: I'm not really good at public speaking, so I'll just say ... farple shlup mucklebluck.

Cleveland: Yeah, mon. It be cold.

[Stewie sees about Tara Lipinski]
Stewie: Isn't she amazing? I feel like she's my soul mate.
Brian: How is she your soul mate?
Stewie: She looks like a baby, and she's best friends with a gay guy. Her life is my life.
Brian: I'm not gay.
Stewie: [chuckles nervously] Well, it's not me.

Johnny Weir: Can I just say, the shape of your head is stunning.
Stewie: Really? I get a lot of grief for it. Some people say it looks like a football.
Johnny Weir: Okay, I don't know what this is.

Johnny Weir: Nothing normal looks good.

Stewie: You two are the best thing to happen to sports, since The New York Knicks finally changed their name.
[Cutaway to a New York Knicks game]
Basketball Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your 2018 New York pieces of dog shit.

[Stewie sees Tara Lipinski coming]
Stewie: Oh, God. Here she comes. Act like I said something funny.
Brian: I don't know, Stewie. I think The Special Olympics serve an important purpose.

Korean Train Condutor: This illegal! I want you off train!
Peter: Ah, what are you gonna do about it? You're just a train conductor... [notices the conductor's foot] ...who was a huge kicking foot?
[Peter gets kicked out of the train by a the conductor's comically over sized foot]
Peter: Where the hell am I?
[Peter notices he has landed in North Korea]
Peter: Oh no! I'm in Iran Korea!

Chris: Well, at least I have a side, you neutral Swiss cowards!

[At the start of her race, Meg sees some empty seats where her family should be sitting and flips the empty seats off. A random guy, sitting near the seats, thinks it was directed at him.]
Guy: Me? Aw.
Announcer: Racers, take your mark.
[The race begins and the audience cheers, except for the one guy]
Guy: Go, everyone, but her!

Lois: What do you say, guys? Should we go home?
Peter: I don't know. I'm thinking maybe we can hang out a little longer. See what else Korea has to offer. [notices the train conductor, running up] Uh oh.
Korean Train Conductor: No! You leave Korea! Now!

Trivia

  • In this episode, it is revealed that Meg is a professional skier.
  • Meg apparently also has her driver's license, and owns a Jeep.
  • Mayor Adam West appears, but does not speak, on account of his voice actor, being busy with death while this episode was produced.
  • Lacey Chabert comes back as a guest star to voice act for herself and to reprise her role as Meg Griffin for a flashback to a Season 1 episode.

Continuity

Cultural References

  • One of Meg's skiing flashbacks, included the scene from "The Simpsons Guy", where Lisa Simpson tries to see if she's good at voice volume control. This technically counts as a reference to The Simpsons, as Lisa make a stock cameo here.
  • In the flashback to "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side", Meg plays the role of Rey, using her skiing skills, to help get Peter, playing Han Solo, get across the snowy plains of Hoth. It's important to note, that this would have been an impossible gag, since Rey was not an established character either in this Star Wars episode, nor had she even been fathomed, when this Family Guy episode aired.

Deleted Scenes

  • More of the "Who Wants Clam Chowder?" scene is shown, as opposed to Lois walking in and asking who wants clam chowder, as soon as the flashback starts.
  • An alternate take on the "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" flashback.
  • Peter takes tons of random things out of his pockets. One of which is a yarmulke from Muriel's funeral.
  • Chris goes to the car to edge, while a series of different narrators narrate the scene.
  • Lois says she threw a plate of cheese during the town hall meeting.
  • Lois makes Meg record a commercial and says that John Kruk has traveler's diarrhea.
  • A few shots and lines of dialogue, from when Stewie first saw Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir.
  • A scene, where Meg practices her shooting and sings "Cantaloop", followed by an extensive fourth wall joke, references to how kids who are too young to be watching Family Guy, still watch the show.
  • Cutaway joke about Gandalf and Oksana Baiul.
  • Cutaway to Stewie helping speed skaters get their tights over their thighs.
  • Cutaway-within-a-cutaway, about Stewie projecting Garth Brooks' pants onto his legs.
  • Peter meets Ryan Lochte, and a narration talks about it, again referencing to the multiple narrators gag, from earlier.
  • Stewie saying he bit his tongue and swallowed a piece, after his fall, and later desperately trying to crawl back to Tara Lipinski.
  • Peter breaking the fourth wall, after getting hit in the nuts by a North Korean bird.
  • Cutaway to Chris working with Gloria Waldman.
  • Chris explaining that Johnny Weir is about to beat him up, before he actually does that.
  • Meg and Peter escaping the North Korean prison in the style of the GoldenEye video game.
  • Alternate version of Peter getting kicked by the North Korean Train Conductor, where he lands in the North Korean Prison again, and the narrator gag happens once more, explaining that he got out of prison, when Kim Jong Un beat Dennis Rodman at basketball.
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