61 (as of FOX-y Lady)
Gleonard "Glenn" Quagmire (formerly Quagglecheck) (born March 25, 1948) is the sex-crazed, perverted next door neighbor of The Griffin Family. Quagmire is a former ensign of the U.S. Navy, where he met his best friend, Peter Griffin. He currently works as an airline pilot at The Quahog Airport. He is voiced by Seth MacFarlane. He likes to piss in people's mouths.
Years ago, Quagmire used to go out with Cheryl Tiegs, whom he loved. Unfortunately, he lost her, and has tried to fill the hole she left (Giggity) by having sex with women.
He was also briefly married to a maniac named Joan. She died after clutching onto Death's arm. Quagmire is currently a widower, although this is no problem for him, as he can now get it on with more girls, without having to worry about cheating.
In "420", Quagmire gets a new pet cat named James. Tragically, when Quagmire went to Vermont to buy a present for James, Peter, Cleveland, and Brian, go over to Quagmire's to shave James as a prank, which backfired when Peter accidentally stabs James. Peter reveals this when Quagmire offers an award for knowing where James is simply to take the award.
In his spare time, he likes to flirt with 15 year olds on Discord.
He has a sister who gets beaten by her boyfriend and a deaf brother.
He also has a son named Lucas who lives in Madrid, Spain who greatly resembles Quagmire, but with a snappy moustache and a ponytail, as seen in "Peter's Got Woods" despite claiming never to have had sex with a Spanish woman. However, it is possible he does not know the difference since he was with Tricia Takanawa when he made the claim. He also seems to have several illegitimate children in Quahog, some of whom go to Martin Mull Elementary School, as seen in "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing". Of all his known illegitimate children, the only one with whom he has attempted to develop a relationship and take care of is Anna Lee Quagmire, who is dropped off at his doorstep in "Quagmire's Baby". He ends up giving her to adoption to give her a better life than he could ever provide.
In No Giggity No Doubt, Glenn goes to prom and attempts to hook up a girl who turns out be his daughter Courtney Quagmire.
Even though Quagmire was the first person Cleveland informed about the spin-off, after Cleveland moved away, Quagmire has shown nothing but envy toward Cleveland, to the point of convincing himself that he was getting a spin-off and after delivering Loretta's dead body, calling Cleveland "Joey". This envy has not ceased, as in the first season finale of The Cleveland Show, he and Peter attend Cleveland's parents wedding, and Quagmire asks Peter if he can have his own show, but Peter says he can't because he's a rapist.
Glenn Quagmire is a Caucasian adult male with short 50's-style-combed raven hair. He has a big chin with a deep cleft and a long nose. He wears a red Hawaiian shirt, blue jeans, and brown shoes.
Quagmire is often seen saying "All right!" while rocking his head back and forwards in an amusing way.
Quagmire has been shown to be extremely affectionate towards animals, specifically a cat he named James in "420". Quagmire came across as obsessive about his new pet, making his friends sign a birthday card for his cat.
Although Quagmire gets along very well with most people, it's revealed in "Jerome Is the New Black" that he dislikes Brian for the following reasons:
- He constantly hits on Lois, even when Peter pays for his food and saved him from certain death.
- He poops all over the yard as well. According to Quagmire, it adds additional insult to Peter; alongside hitting on his wife.
- He is not trustworthy and never pays for anything, including debts and taxes; when asked to pay, he always remarks that he'll "get you later," but "later" never comes.
- He pretends to be a deep guy who loves women for their souls when, in reality, he only dates bimbos while admitting that he does the same thing but the difference is that he is at least honest about his goals.
- He's a terrible writer who he thinks he's great when all he does is plagiarize things off the internet.
- He's done nothing to help despite his liberal beliefs.
- He thinks that he's so great just because drives he a Prius. In which Quagmire says "driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ!"
- He doesn't believe in religion and thinks it's for idiots.
- He acts like an intellectual despite the fact that he has failed college twice.
- He's a failure as a father and never sees his son.
- He's a big, sad, alcoholic bore.
Ironically, Quagmire has hit on Lois as well but claims to be honest about dating women for their bodies. Though what makes Brian and Quagmire's desires towards Lois different, is that while Quagmire is only interested in sex. Brian, as shown in "Play It Again, Brian", believes that Lois is more deserving of him due to Peter often neglecting his wife for other interests and that they have more things in common. The conflict between him and Brian continues in "Quagmire's Dad" when furious Quagmire attacking Brian for dating his sex-changed father, despite the fact that Brian wasn't aware of this until Stewie told him just before Quagmire confronted. Brian gets the final word, however, when he says to Quagmire, "I fucked your dad." Since then, the running gag has been whenever the two interact, Quagmire has been upset to Brian, despite Brian's attempts to be polite. It usually ends where Quagmire quicker points or Brian inadvertently causes a situation that makes Quagmire dislike him such as what happened with his 5-year old niece Abby. It should be noted, however, that before the writers rewrote Quagmire's personality to be nastier towards Brian, Quagmire was actually friendlier with Brian in earlier seasons. Also, over the seasons he has gone from a sex-crazed friendly guy and a depressed lover of necrophilia, start less aggressive and perverted.
If Quagmire could be summed up in just one word, it would be pervert. According to the Las Vegas CD, Quagmire has had sex with at least 600 women.
He has a foot fetish. In the episode "Baby Not On Board", Quagmire gets an erection from watching the DirecTV help video. When Cleveland asks if there is anything that does not turn Quagmire on, we find out that the answer is "people who say the word 'rubbish' when they mean 'garbage'."
He also occasionally visits the local prison so he can have sex with the female prisoners.
In "Emission Impossible", when Peter and Lois asked Quagmire to watch their kids, he agreed but began to say, "In accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you that..." before cutting himself off and accepting the children anyway. This suggests that Quagmire is a registered sex offender.
During a stint on The Bachelorette, Quagmire brought Brooke to his mother's, where he wanted a three-way with them. This hint at an incestuous relationship with his mother could answer several questions about Quagmire's sexual obsessions (though raising many more).
Quagmire also seems to have an affinity with rape because in "Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?", when Stewie pretends to be a cheerleader he encounters a gagged cheerleader in the male toilets and appears ready to have sex with her. In "Fore Father", during his attempt to rape a woman from the postal service outside his house, it is revealed that Quagmire's body has built up an immunity to Mace due to it being used on him so many times. Quagmire is also not above date rape, as shown how while being on the Bachelorette in "Brian the Bachelor", where he drugged Brooke's drink, only to run off with one of her shoes, after realizing their date was being filmed. Also in "Stuck Together, Torn Apart", a waiter at a restaurant asked Quagmire if he wanted the usual drink with a roofie, a known date rape drug to his female companion, something that Quagmire denies when he is with Lois, but later orders when he hooked up with Peter's date Jennifer Love Hewitt. Also, in "Baby, You Knock Me Out" he can be seen dragging away the unconscious female boxer that Lois had just fought.
He also does not seem to care exactly what he has sex with as long as it's a girl and he's happy as in "Barely Legal" in which a giraffe starts to lick him before he realized what was happening and he then chased it away because it wasn't the same giraffe from the previous night. However, in "The Thin White Line", Brian detects that he recently had sex with two women and a man. In various episodes such as "It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One", Quagmire has been known to rig furniture to subdue and forcibly remove a person's clothes; When Peter sat on a chair, the chair was set up to use sleeping gas on him and then remove his clothes.
It is also shown that Quagmire also engages in necrophilia; this is shown in such situations as when Death killed Joan in "I Take Thee Quagmire", he asked if he could leave the body with him for 5 minutes, and he is shown jumping out of a coffin half-naked in a DVD-only scene in "Airport '07."
He once said that if he could be with any woman in the world, he would choose Taylor Hanson, not realizing that Taylor Hanson is actually a guy.
Surprisingly, it wasn't until "Family Goy" that he discovered internet porn. Two days later, it is revealed that he masturbates with his left hand.
He imagined himself as a condom in Extra Large Medium, but didn't realize the condom was for 2 gay guys.
Quagmire has his own theme song called "He's Quagmire", which was first seen in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do". It usually starts off with an announcer saying "Who else but Quagmire?", and then it goes into an opening sequence featuring his face against a background of changing colors, while studio singers sing the theme song, with Quagmire singing the last line;
- He's Quagmire, Quagmire
- You never really know what he's gonna do next
- He's Quagmire, Quagmire
- Giggity giggity giggity-giggity, let's have sex!
The sequence then cuts to a setting that is supposed to be entirely serious, such as a wedding, a funeral, or a fancy dinner. Quagmire will then perform an outrageous sexual act, much to the surprise of the bystanders.
The presumed "closing credits" sequence is almost identical to the opening sequence, except the theme song is performed thusly;
- He's Quagmire, Quagmire
- Giggity giggity goo!
Quagmire's sexual promiscuity and hindering of condoms has led him to give birth to many bastard children that he doesn't want to take care of. A semi-running gag is for these kids to show up in certain episodes of the series, whether it be for a one-off gag or for a full-fledged episode-long plot.
In "Do and Die", an ex-girlfriend of Quagmire's dropped an unnamed baby off in his arms, claiming it was his now.
In "Peter's Got Woods", a cutaway gag reveals that Quagmire has a 21-year-old son who lives in Madrid, who only speaks Spanish. He also uses the multilingual word, "Giggity" in his sentences, just like his father.
In "Quagmire's Baby", an unnamed and unseen ex left a baby girl named Anna Lee on his doorstep. The episode centered around Quagmire trying to change his dirty and disgusting ways and become a kind and caring father to his daughter. However, at the end of the episode, he caved into the pressure put the baby up for adoption. He later regretted his decision and tried to break into the home of Anne Lee's foster family, only to see that she was happy with her new family. As Quagmire left, Anna Lee saw him and happily grabbed her hands goodbye to him, proving that even if he won't be around, Anna Lee still loves her biological dad.
In "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing", there were three kids going to third grade, that were clearly the sons of Quagmire. The first one was a regular student in a random class, the second was a retarded kid in a special needs class, and the third was a half-Mexican kid who was in Spanish class.
In "Tea Peter", there were some half-human half-giraffe hybrids at the zoo with Quagmire's heads that said "Giraffity", proving that Quagmire must have been intimate with a giraffe.
In "Joe's Revenge", The Beer Bar Buddies went to the Atlantic City Gentleman's Club, where Quagmire claimed he hadn't been to in 18 years. When they got there, two stripper girls with Quagmire's heads were giving a guy a lap dance. Despite knowing that these were his twin daughters, Quagmire still paid for sex with them.
In "Bri, Robot", it was revealed that Quagmire had sex with a woman, who gave birth to triplets and put them all of for adoption. These three kids were named Duncan, Isadora, and one unnamed kid who died in a house fire. This story matches the lore of the show, A Series of Unfortunate Events, where there was a trio of orphan triplets (minus one unnamed dead kid) named Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, who were born to an unseen, unnamed mother and father. It is far less than likely this is canon to the latter series.
In "No Giggity, No Doubt", Quagmire went to a school dance at Adam West High School and had sex with an 18-year-old girl named Courtney, only to find out that this was his biological daughter, which was a disgustingly shocking revelation for both of them. The two of them sat silently for a while before getting into the meat of the situation. Courtney said that she did not know her biological mother. With all the women Quagmire was with, he didn't know either but didn't want to disappoint her, so he passed off Kimi as her mom. Courtney revealed that as a kid with no parents, she lives in her friend's garage. Quagmire and Kimi saw this as unacceptable and let her live with them. The three of them became a fully functional family until the end of the episode, when Courtney started hanging off of a helicopter rope ladder for fun and was decapitated by a highway bridge.
Quagmire has had many cats throughout his life, and it's a running gag for them all to die.
- Quagmire is 5'8" tall and 61 years old, according to his driver's license in "FOX-y Lady". He explains that he makes himself look younger by consuming carrots. Glenn currently resides at 29 Spooner Street, Quahog, Rhode Island.
- His catchphrase "Giggity" has been used many times in popular culture since the beginning of the show in 1999, such as in a in Progressive automobile insurance advertisement and the January 4, 2011 episode of Around the Horn.
- Quagmire has expressed interest in having sex with many of the women Cleveland has been romantically involved with. In "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire" he has sex with Loretta, then in "Love, Blactually" he has sex with Carolyn and in The Cleveland Show episode "Beer Walk" he asks Cleveland if he can do his wife Donna.
- Quagmire drives a red 1957 Chevrolet Bel-Air.
- Quagmire stalks Lois at times, sometimes in the living room when Peter and Lois or a family member talk and a sexual comment is made to Lois you can hear Quagmire say "OH YA!!", "OH!!" or "Giggity" without him being in the conversation.
- He has a foot fetish.
- in "Emission Impossible" he is building a sex doll reminiscent of Lois.
- Quagmire possesses every disease known to man in "Halloween on Spooner Street".
- He owns a monoplane and a biplane, as seen in "Mother Tucker" and "Hannah Banana" respectively.
- In "Family Goy" he discovered online porn late in life.
- Interestingly, Quagmire used to get along with Brian, but after The Cleveland Show started, Quagmire didn't like Brian, however, he may see Brian as the reason Cleveland moved away as he appeared to have no ill will towards Brian prior to Cleveland moving.
- In "Tiegs for Two", it's revealed that Quagmire is half-Polish and his original name was Glenn Quagglechek. He was also obese as a child.
- He has pictures of Lois in his house, including on the inside of his closet door.
- It is known what happened to Glenn.