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Full Metal Jackass

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Full Metal Jackass
Season 4, Episode 21
Full Metal Jackass
Air date February 8, 2004
List of Episodes
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Mother Tucker

Full Metal Jackass is the twenty-first episode of the fourth season of Family Guy. It is the eighty-third episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

Kevin Swanson signs up for the draft and is quickly accepted to fight in the Iraq War. Meg sees this as her final chance to ask him out before she leaves. Peter Griffin bites off more than he can chew when he joins the military too. Meanwhile, Brian tries to help Chris do all the activities on his middle school list before he graduates.

Plot[]

With the Iraq War going on, the army is allowing for adults to sign up for a draft. With him being now 18 and a legal adult, Kevin decides to sign up for the draft and is quickly accepted. Kevin gets huge amounts of attention and as he goes around to say his goodbyes to the neighbors, his favorite teachers and his friends, Meg sees this as her final chance to confess her love to him before she leaves. With him asking Kevin to hang out with her for one more time on the final day before he leaves at the boardwalk, to which Kevin agrees. As the sun sets on the boardwalk bench the two sit on, Meg prepares to confess her love, but instead, decides to thank him for being her friend and helping her with everything. Saying that she was graced to have crossed paths with Kevin during their lives, and could truly take something away from having him around. As Kevin was more than a love interest to her. He was a friend. A truly loyally friend that and decided that, boyfriend or not, it's better to end if off that way. Though she does hit on him one more time, to get his usual blindness. But happily, sighs and says "I'm gonna miss this when you're gone, Kevin."

While this is happening, Peter is jealous of the attention Kevin's getting and signs up to join the military too to get recantation. Unfortunately, he did it to get attention, and not really cared about being in the military. Which surprises him when he actually needs to go. During boot camp, he screws up so poorly that the general asks to make Peter a human shield in war. And when he gets a chance to leave, he immediately jams out.

Meanwhile, Brian discovers that Chris has a Middle School bucket list of all the things he wanted to do before he graduated Middle School that he never completed. And with Brian getting flashbacks of his own bucket list, he decides to help out Chris before he graduates in a few days

Fargus helps Brian cross off the final items on the bucket list, with him helping in the last item, being cause a huge school food fight. Though after this, the school fully saw Fargus was breaking their deal and was fired from his job as a teacher for good.

Around the end, Meg bids Kevin a final farewell, but not before he kisses her, revealing he had feelings for her as well, but was shy to admit them the same way Meg was to him. And as Kevin leaves, Meg feels both a feeling of not feeling bad for not speaking up and why she didn't do it first.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Quotes[]

Kevin: Dad, I've decided to join the fight in the Iraq War.
Joe: Alright, remember to pack a warm coat.
Kevin: I thought this would be a bigger father-son moment.
Bonnie: Are you sure you want to join the war, Kevin? There are a lot of other hobbies you could take up.
Kevin: Like what?
Bonnie: You could get way into craft beer. It's not original or interesting, but at least people will hate you for it.
Peter: Shame on you, Chris. Not wanting to join the army.
Meg: How brave were you when you joined the military?
Peter: Shut up, Meg.
Peter: You know, Kevin signing up for the Iraq war makes me wonder if Chris is competent enough to go to war
[Just then, Chris breaks through the ceiling and a small piece of paper falls down next to him]
Chris: I picked a booger from my butt!
Peter: Chris, you're not army material.
Direct supervisor: All right, you all know your orders. When you see the Taliban come over the horizon, you open fire immediately.
Peter: Okay. So when I see Pat Tillman come over the horizon, I shoot him.
Direct supervisor: Oh, no, no. When you see the enemy come over the horizon, you shoot the enemy.
'Peter: Okay.
Direct supervisor: Good. Now repeat it back to me.
Peter: Okay. I shoot Pat Tillman and then I run over the horizon.
Direct supervisor: No! He's on our side! You charge the enemy.
Peter: Right. And shoot Pat Tillman.
Direct supervisor: No, don't shoot Pat!"
Peter: Well, you know what? You're gonna have to explain it to me again, 'cause it sounds to me like I'm repeating back to you exactly what you're telling me and obviously, you're hearing something different, so just one more time.
Direct supervisor: [sighs loud] Okay, when you see the Taliban come over the horizon, you shoot them.
Peter: All right, so I shoot Pat Tillman and then run when the Talibans show up.
Direct supervisor: NO! YOU SHOOT THE TALIBAN! NOT PAT TILLMAN! GOT IT?!
Peter: Got it.
Direct supervisor: Sure?
Peter: Yep.
Direct supervisor: All right.
[Beat]
Peter: Hey, you know where I can find Pat Tillman?
[The direct supervisor covers his face in his hands as he screams his anger into them at Peter's stupidity]
[As Kevin acts blind to Meg's hits on him]
Meg: [sighes] I'm gonna miss this when you're gone, Kevin
Principal Sloan: Mr. Fargus, what is the meaning of this?!
Brian/Chris: Uh oh.
Fargus: Lemme handle him. [to Sloan] Hey, buddy. What's up?
Principal Sloan: Oh, don't you buddy me, Fargus. I turn around and you start a food fight?! Did you stop taking your meds again?
Fargus: Heh, heh, well funny thing, uh, I never did take them.
Principal Sloan: WHAT?! For how long?
Fargus: Uh, since I got my job back.
Principal Sloan: Randall Fargus, I can accept this food fight, but out of all the most reckless, irresponsible things you've done in your almost forty year time here, this is the worst! Not only did you lie to the school board about taking your prescribed meds, which could not only get you but the entire school in danger, you've dragged the children into this. And you've been lying about this for at least a year.
Fargus: Mr. Sloan, I-.
Principal Sloan: Randall, I don't wanna hear it. You can forget this job because YOU'RE FIRED!! Clean yourself up, get your stuff and get out of here! You're out! History!
[As Sloan leaves, Fargus bows his head sadly]
[A while later, around evening, Fargus walks out of the school with a box of his stuff. He looks behind to the school that he taught in since his youth, with him being interupted by a car horn that's revealed to be Brian and Chris in their car.]
Brian: You wanna ride home, Fargs?
Chris: Hey Dad?
Peter: Yeah Chris?
Chris: Are you disappointed in me for getting Mr. Fargus fired?
Peter: Chris, I'm not disappointed at you. I'm disappointed in how the way things turned out.
Brian: Look Peter, I know and I wanna say I'm sorry. I just wanted to help Chris with something I myself couldn't do.
Chris: What are you talking about, Brian?
Brian: Well, when I was your age, I too had a Middle School bucket list that I never completed. So I wanted to help give you the bucket list experience I never had.
Chris: Hey, Brian... thanks.
Brian: Anytime, Chris.
Peter: And Chris, you don't need to worry about disapointing me. You'll never disappoint me as much as Meg.
[As Kevin leaves the bus to go fight in Iraq, Meg runs after it]
Meg: Goodbye, Kevin! I will never forget you!
Kevin: I'll do the same for you!
Meg: Kick ass and come back a winner!

Song[]

Trivia[]

  • The title of this episode is a play on the movie, "Full Metal Jacket".
  • The is the finale episode where:
    • Chris is a middle schooler as he graduates.
    • Randall Fargus is a teacher at Buddy Cianci Junior High School, as he gets fired for the second and final time.
    • Kevin in seen, as he leaves to fight the Iraq war, officially writing him off the show for the next five seasons, before his character returns in the episode "Thanksgiving With The Griffins"

Continuity[]

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