| Brian the Closer | |
|---|---|
| Season 12, Episode 2 | |
| |
| Air date | July 28, 2013 |
| List of Episodes | |
| Previous Candy Quahog Marshmallow! |
Next The Book of Joe |
Brian the Closer is the second episode of the twelfth season of Family Guy. It is the 274th episode overall.
Synopsis[]
Brian becomes depressed after getting his teeth knocked out in an accident, and Quagmire takes pity on him and helps pay for Brian to get new teeth. With his new winning smile, Brian gets a job as a real estate agent, and teams up with Quagmire to get back at the Griffins by tricking them into buying a rundown condo.
Plot[]
When Peter finds Brian's old rope toy, his determination to take it away from Brian results in Brian losing his teeth. Unable to cope without his teeth, he wants Lois to take him to the dentist but she refuses to spend the money on him. Having a drink at the Drunken Clam, he runs into Quagmire. Who takes pity on Brian's condition and gives him the number to his dentist where he has an account.
When Brian returns, the family finds that the dentist has given him a prominent smile. Apprehensive about his appearance, the family offers support, which Brian calls them out on the fact that they didn't even bother to help him and the fact of them complimenting him seems hypocritical. While out for a walk, he is mistaken for a real estate agent. When the actual agent shows up, he gives Brian a job offers to join the agency called Quahog Realty. He finds himself selling many properties, including one to Bonnie near a cliff and one to Jason Voorhees that overlooks a camp. The owner sees how good Brian is at selling good property, so talk him to tackling a terrible condo and soon overhears that Peter has just received a bonus. Brian pays Quagmire back for the dental work and asks him to do him a favor to help him get back the family.
The next day, Brian and Quagmire shows the Griffins a prospective video to sell them into buying the property by convincing them it is a great investment. Lois is hesitant until Brian convinces them a hated rival pilot is after it. After the purchase, Quagmire accompanies the Griffins to the property to find it is a rundown dump and was completely misrepresented. Through digging, Lois finds that there is an escape clause good for 72 hours after purchase, but when they arrive at Quahog Realty, he is not around and it is revealed that he has ducked out to hide for the 72 hours. Taking refuge at a motel, he finds Peter already waiting for him. Peter chews Brian out for basically scamming his family and how he should be ashamed. Brian then apologizes to Peter, saying that he may be his only friend for being the only person in Quahog to call him out on his wrongs, but it is revealed to only be a ruse to outlast the 72 hours. An enraged Peter knocks Brian's teeth out with a lamp. Returning to normal life, Quagmire consoles Brian while the Griffins mope in their crappy condo until Meg sides with Brian doing what he did, only for Peter to shut her up. Meaning that he learned nothing from the scam
Characters[]
Major Roles[]
Minor Roles[]
- Stewie Griffin
- Chris Griffin
- Meg Griffin
- Cleveland Brown
- Joe Swanson
- Bonnie Swanson
- Rupert
- Dumb Beaver
- Jerome Cool J
- Tommy Sullivan
- Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan
- Randall
- Mittens
- André the Giant
- Wallace Shawn
- Ice-T
- Adam Sandler
- Jason Voorhees
- Johnny 5
- Seth Rogen
- Leslie Mann
Quotes[]
- Man: Today's feature presentation of Glory will not be seen.
- Peter: What? Aw, I love that movie. Aw man, that's gonna leave a big hole in their line-up. What's gonna fill the Glory-hole?
- Man: In place of Glory, we will be showing Shaft starring Richard Roundtree.
- Peter: What? You can't just shove Shaft in the Glory-hole.
- Peter: Just gimme the rope! Nobody has to get hurt, Brian. [crashes into a bicyclist] Only one person has to get hurt.
- Brian: [injured because of Peter's greed] Dammit Peter, what were you thinking? This has to be the stupidest thing you've ever done!
- Peter: No Brian, the stupidest thing I ever did was turn the bubbles off in a hot tub. [cut to said incident] Yeah, party! [shuts off the bubbles] Eww, baths with friends.
- Brian: Oh, who am I kidding? You got to take me to the dentist to get my mouth fixed.
- Lois: Brian, we can try to make you feel a little less repulsive, [chuckles] but we're not spending human money on a deformed animal.
- Brian: What? But I'm your dog!
- Lois: Well, to be honest, I don't feel like spending money on you.
- Brian: Then what am I supposed to do?
- Peter: Stop whining and suck it up, you baby. [hands Brian back the rope] Here, to make you feel better you can have this back. It's boring. It doesn't do anything.
- Brian: I don't believe it. You all took me to be your family dog and you won't pay to care for me. Well, you know what? Fuck you, Peter! You're an awful friend! And you all can go to Hell!
- Chris: This is the craziest meal I've had since I had lunch at Tommy Sullivan's house. [cut to said incident] Very good macaroni and cheese, Mrs. Sullivan.
- Mrs. Sullivan: Thank you, Chris.
- [cut back to the present]
- Peter: That was just awful, Chris.
- Lois: Terrible!
- Peter: He is not ready for flashbacks.
- Lois: No, he is not.
- Peter: [about Dumb Beaver] We use him just the right amount.
- [Brian is reluctantly showing Bonnie a house]
- Brian: Bonnie, I still don't get why you want to see this house. The foundation is totally out of whack. I mean, the whole house is slanting down to that cliff over there.
- Bonnie: Uh, huh. Can you open the sliding door?
- [Brian complies as Bonnie releases a wheelchair with a large bag of potatoes acting as weight. The wheelchair rolls easily through the door and smashes on the rocks below the cliff]
- Bonnie: I'll take it.
- Lois: [with gargantuan breasts] I don't know what happened. I told the doctor C cups.
- Peter: I told him something else.
- Dumb Beaver: I think he did a "dam" good job.
- Peter: Okay, now we've used him too much.
- Peter: [about Prescott Towers] The ceiling is a pool! The ceiling is a pool! Lois, we gotta get this!
- [Quagmire finds Brian hiding from the Griffins in his closet]
- Quagmire: Brian, what are you doing in my house?
- Brian: Okay, okay, I know I'm not allowed here, but I'm hiding from the family for a few more hours. After that, they won't be able to pull out of that deal.
- Quagmire: I mean, if anyone knows how to pull out, it's Lois! Giggity giggity...oh. Sorry.
- Peter: [shoving scissors up his nose at a meeting] Hey guys? I gotta leave. I got a nosebleed and, uh, I don't work here.
- Peter: Never judge a book by its cover. Or a movie. [cut to him punching a movie titled "Funny People"] No!
- [The Griffins are coming in their flat and they look surprised noticing what this place actually is]
- Stewie: It's probably nothing but there is a stain on the rug with the shape of a little kid.
- Meg: I don't know if you want this now but I bought you a mini-cactus.
- Lois: What the hell?! THIS IS A DUMP!!!
- Peter: Well, maybe it still got a nice ocean view? [opens the window only to see a sick old man next door]
- Old man: [dry voice] The harbor is poisoned...
- [Peter closes the window]
- PETER: DAMMIT, BRIAN SCREWED US!
- Peter: You are such a scumbag. You know, when you were poor, you were always a douche, but at least you came by it honestly. But now? Screwin' over the people who helped you?! I don't know how you sleep at night.
- Brian: [sighs] My God. You're right! I'm a jerk. I'm a selfish and pretentious jerk, and you're the only guy in town who's ever called me out on my crap. You know, I used to hate you for it, but now I think you're the only person who is trying to be my friend.
- Peter: No, I think you're misunderstanding me.
- Brian: No, I'm serious. Even though I know you never liked me, you still helped me when I really needed it. That says a lot about your character. I'm ashamed of myself because I am none of the things you are. You're honest and direct and compassionate and... [his phone chimes] that is 72 hours! Enjoy your craphole, dumbass!
- Peter: You son of a bitch!
- Quagmire: I guess that's it for you and real estate, huh Brian?
- Brian: Yeah. It was a lot tougher than I thought.
- Quagmire: Oh yeah, it's real hard bein' a real estate agent. I mean, you gotta be able to count bathrooms. And I once beat a real estate agent in a game of chess. Me! A well-known sex maniac!
- Brian: But the important thing is, I got back at Peter for smashing my old teeth and, and I still have money to repair these teeth. So for once, the Bri-man came out on top!
- [The family, minus Brian, sit in their new rundown condo]
- Peter: Aw, this sucks. Our own dog sold us a rundown condo and now we can't get our money back!
- Lois: That dog is such an ungrateful bastard!
- Meg: Oh, give Brian a break, guys. He obviously did this to teach us something about using him. The only reason he scammed us is because we were too selfish to not pay for his teeth repairs, something that was Dad's fault to begin with.
- Peter: Shut up, Meg. You're just talking out of your ass!
Songs[]
- Italian Clown
Trivia[]
- Peter becomes a Hobbit / Lord of the Rings Gollum-version of himself as well as Johnny 5 from the film Short Circuit.
- This is the second time Bonnie is shown with a desire to kill Joe, after "The Most Interesting Man in the World".
- Frank Sinatra's version of "When You're Smiling" is heard during Brian's montage.
- "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate plays when Brian parks his car.
- The "nice cat" is being nice by giving its owner a way to miscarry. Pregnant women are to avoid cleaning cat litter, as they may receive an infection that can cause them to miscarry.
Cultural References[]
- When Brian selects Peter to be his "sucker," a model arrives and turns his teeth in the style of Wheel of Fortune.
- Stewie's game with Rupert is an allusion to the film The Silence of the Lambs.
- The family watches the film My Dinner With André the Giant on television. This is a parody of My Dinner with André.