| Quagmire's Mom | |
|---|---|
| Season 12, Episode 26 | |
| |
| Air date | January 12, 2014 |
| List of Episodes | |
| Previous Brokeback Swanson |
Next Scammed Yankees |
Quagmire's Mom is the 26th episode of the twelfth season of Family Guy. It is the 298th episode, overall.
Synopsis[]
Quagmire faces a statutory rape charge when he has sex with a 15 year old girl that's revealed to be Kimi's younger sister by three years.
Plot[]
When Meg needs a check for a field trip, Peter finds that his checks are fake so he insists on opening his own checking account. At Quahog Savings and Loans, Peter and Lois find that his birth certificate gives his real first name as "Justin" with his full name being "Justin Peter Griffin". Although Lois says it make no difference, Peter immediately decides to change his persona to what he believes a "Justin" should be: young and wild. "Justin" decides to throw a party, where Quagmire meets a girl named Kira. Lois returns and orders everyone to leave, then plans to take "Justin" to City Hall to change his name back to Peter.
The next day, after having a a three way with his wife Kimi and Kira, Quagmire learns that Kira is not 23 years old as she claimed, and she is under the age of legal consent in Rhode Island. And even worse, Kimi's her older sister by three years. Joe arrives at Quagmire's house with some police officers stating that he has received an anonymous tip that Quagmire was having sex with an underage girls. Quagmire confesses due to his pride in having had sex with her, alongside his wife Kimi being underage, and he is arrested by the police for statutory rape and grossly age-gapped marriage. He is put on trial and his only chance for leniency is for character witnesses, since he is legally guilty once the proof of Kira and Kimi's ages is revealed.
At the courthouse, Peter, Cleveland, and Joe try to claim Quagmire's innocence against Kira and Kimi's parents, which proves difficult due to them being under oath. This causes Quagmire to take the stand himself and explain about his childhood, in particular his promiscuous mother and how his mother's deviancy deeply affected him.. Despite this, the judge finds Quagmire guilty and sentences him to 20 years in prison. Just then, his mother Crystal arrives in the courtroom; Mayor Adam West is surprised that every male in the courtroom knows her name. After fighting off a comment from Kira's mother, Crystal admits her past then claims to be a born-again Christian and asks for leniency. The judge rejects her request and gives Quagmire 24 hours to get his affairs in order.
At home, Crystal tries to get Quagmire to find God to enter the afterlife and he lashes out at her. She tries to reason with him, but he rejects her advice. Brian makes fun of Quagmire and tells him to have fun in prison. Quagmire tells Crystal he will not listen to her and leaves the house to avoid her. As Quagmire walks out, Stewie asks Crystal if she knows that her ex-husband Dan had a sex change.
Outside the prison, Quagmire starts to say his goodbyes to his neighbors while Brian drives away ecstatic that Quagmire is going to prison. Quagmire prepares to enter the prison as Peter shouts to the prison guards to take care of him. Just then, the judge arrives with Crystal to tell Quagmire that his sentence has been commuted after "new DNA evidence was produced" and Kimi could be his wife again. He is surprised that despite her religious views she would have sex outside of marriage with the judge and Kimi's father, but she responds that it was the most Christian thing to do to protect her son. The episode ends with Peter remarking how Quagmire got away with his crime and learned nothing.
Characters[]
Major Roles[]
- Peter Griffin
- Glenn Quagmire
- Crystal Quagmire
- Ida Davis
- Kimi Quagmire
- Kira LaFontaine
- Roland LaFontaine
- Natalie LaFontaine
- Judge Blackman
Minor Roles[]
- Lois Griffin
- Meg Griffin
- Chris Griffin
- Stewie Griffin
- Brian Griffin
- Adrianne Beaky
- Joe Swanson
- Bonnie Swanson
- Susie Swanson
- Cleveland Brown
- Donna Tubbs-Brown
- Carl
- Mort Goldman
- Elmer Hartman
- Mayor Adam West
- Ronnie
- Max & The Wild Things
- Santa Claus
- Mrs. Claus
- Dirty Harry
- Angelina Jolie
- Brad Pitt
- Al Jarreau
- Guster
- Herbert the Pervert (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Dylan Flannigan (Mentioned)
Quotes[]
- Meg: Mom, I need a check for the school field trip.
- Peter: Jeez, Meg, didn't I just take you on a field trip?
- [Cutaway begins where Peter's walking Meg to a field, who has a blindfold on]
- Peter: (throws off the blindfold) Ok, here's the field! Goodbye forever! [he enters into the car and tries to drive off, but ends up swerving out of control and crashes all as Meg watches] Aaahh! Meg, I'm injured! Please help me! I smell gas! [The car explodes] Meg, I'm still alive but I'm badly burned! Come save my life and nurse me back to health! [Meg ignores him and walks away to hitchhike home] Oh, God, why do bad things happen to good people?
- [After having sex with Quagmire, Keira reveals she's underage]
- Quagmire: You said you were 23!
- Keira: Yeah, and you said you love me.
- Quagmire: Well, I guess you got me there.
- Peter: I'm carrying three handguns, and the metal detectors picked up nothing.
- Judge: Now, Mr. Griffin, I understand you're here to speak on Mr. Quagmire's behalf.
- Peter: That's right, Your Honor. And as we know, according to Game of Thrones, if the girl has had her blood, she is good to go. Has the girl had her blood? Answer the question!
- Judge: Mr. Griffin, she was underage.
- Peter: Yes, however, Mr. Quagmire was born on February 29th. Ergo, he's only 12. Ergo, the girl raped him. Argo, Ben Affleck.
- Stewie: [whispering to Brian] Dairy Queen closes in ten minutes.
- Judge: I have no choice but to sentence you to twenty years in prison!
- [Judge bangs his gavel, everyone gasps]
- Female Voice: Oh no you don't!
- [Everyone looks to the courtroom to discover an elderly woman at the door]
- Quagmire: Mom?
- All the men in the courtroom: Crystal?
- [On Quagmire's jail sentence for statutory rape]
- Peter: Don't think of it as twenty years, think of it as two ten-year-olds ya sick freak.
- Crystal: I know this jail sentence seems long, but salvation can last all eternity.
- Peter: You know what else lasts an eternity? This conversation.
- Stewie: Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He had a, uh, procedure.
- Quagmire: Why are you, of all people, defending a religious nut? Aren't you an Atheist?
- Brian: [chuckling] Yeah, it's crazy. You can think about that while you're in jail.
- Lois: [After hugging Quagmire] You better get rid of that before you get in there.
- [Quagmire's sentence is commuted]
- Peter: Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing. That's great.
Songs[]
- Baba O'Riley
- The Alphabet Song
- Happy Birthday
- Al Jarreau Jazeera
- General Car Insurance Jingle
Trivia[]
- The title follows the same vein as the previous episodes "Quagmire's Baby" and "Quagmire's Dad".
- Jolly Farm Revue is on the TV during Peter's party.
- Peter's birth certificate in reveals that he was born in Quahog, located in Newport County.
- The episode reveals that Quagmire's wife Kimi is actually an underage teenager who looks like an adult.
- Peter mentions that Quagmire's birthday is February 29.
Cultural References[]
- Peter's car insurance commercial is a reference to a series for The General Auto insurance Company.[1]
- Peter's defense of Quagmire involving letters for Santa Claus is a reference to the film Miracle on 34th Street.
- Peter's idea that Quagmire should move to Europe to make movies after becoming a sex offender is a reference to director Roman Polanski, who moved to Europe after being arrested for statutory rape.