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Family Guy Viewer Mail 3
Season 15, Episode 24
FGVM3.png
Air date February 12th, 2016
Episode guide
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Peter's High School Reunion
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Don't Trust the D in Apartment 23

Family Guy Viewer Mail #3 is the third installment of the Family Guy Viewer Mail Franchise, following "Family Guy Viewer Mail #1" and "Family Guy Viewer Mail #2".

Synopsis

Brian and Stewie read fan mail for the third time.

Plot

Framing Device

Brian and Stewie read fan letters.

Family Gal

In a genderbent version of Family Guy, Petra Pewterschmidt gives us a parody on American Housewife.

Schoolhouse of Horror

Everyone at James Woods Regional High School becomes a monster except Meg.

Point of Stew

The audience sees the world through Stewie's eyes as Lois changes him, Meg wishes him to keep her ring (Stewie stating this is a "Red Flag"), and his friends ask him to go down the slide at the playground (doing a reference to the film National Lampoon's Vacation in the process). Later, Stewie secures a Twinkie to stuff in Brian's tail pipe on his car but ends up going for an unexpected ride with Brian where he chases a squirrel in his car and kills it. He then spots Herbert underneath a school bus. At bath time, he imagines a doll being eaten by a shark and Peter joins him. At bedtime, he makes a quick trip through time to stop Kurt Cobain from killing himself in 1994 by introducing him to Häagen-Dazs ice cream; on returning to the present he sees an obese Cobain on a 2012 album. As Lois reads a bedtime story about the town from Footloose, a drunken Peter rudely interrupts for sex as Stewie is forced to listen. In his dreams, he visualizes Peter and Lois, who are having sex in reality, as lumberjacks chopping down trees with axes, with Peter, cutting down his tree signifying the end of the sex, and Lois beginning to cut down hers with a chainsaw, representing her beginning to use a vibrator, to finish.

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

Lois: Stewie, rise and shine. Good morning, Stewie.
Stewie: Fuck you.
Lois: You ready for the day, sweetie?
Stewie: Ah, I smell you've had coffee and nothing to eat.
Lois: [SNIFFING] Oh, someone needs a diaper change.
Stewie: Are you proud of yourself, that this is what you do?
Lois: Is this a dime? Did you swallow a dime?
Stewie: Yeah, wipe it off and put it back in your purse, you white trash hen.
Lois: There we go. Who's my clean little boy? [She blowing raspberry on Stewie's body]
Stewie: [GIGGLING] Your roots are ridiculous. I'm gonna grab your hair 'cause I like grabbing stuff.
Lois: Okay. Okay, Stewie, let go. Let go, Stewie. Let go of Mommy's hair.
Stewie: When I grow up, I'm never gonna call you. I'm gonna be busy with my job and my family. You'll be nothing.

Quagmire: Hey kid, cm'ere. I wanna see if I can still smell your mom's boobs on your mouth.
Stewie: Why don't you go and hump a pile of garbage?

:Herbert: Hey there, little fella. We sure got a lovely day for it, don't we?

Stewie: Stay away from my brother's butt.

:Peter: Hey, is that my froggy butt cloth?


:Peter: [Talking to all the Robin Williams copies] O captains, my captains. [Gets their attention] I have an announcement to make: You are all free. You've been fired from the school. Vietnam is over. The hospital is closing, Will Hunting is all better. [Bearded Robin Williams characters say "It's not your fault] Shut up, seriously, shut up. Please, you are done here. Go and spread your comedy somewhere else.


Lois: "Goodnight, flour mill. Goodnight, abandoned warehouse where you dance when you're mad."
Stewie: Who was this book for?
Lois: "Goodnight, church where you slap your daughter. Goodnight, Kevin Bacon's life savings that he invested with Bernie Madoff."
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