Family Guy Lite is an episode of Family Guy.
Peter gets some exercise. Meanwhile, Lois and the girls write romantic stories and Brian and Stewie suspect, these stories are inspired by a non-Peter man, she's in love with.
When Peter decides to take the stairs at work to avoid an uncomfortable situation with a co-worker, he finds he is unable to complete the journey. When even Joe can't help him, he pulls the fire alarm which floods the brewery. Realizing he has a weight problem, he gets the guys to agree to help him get healthy. But when Peter cannot keep to his work out and diet, Quagmire takes drastic measures by locking him in his basement which finally results in Peter losing a lot of weight.
Meanwhile Lois' creative writing group with the wives fails to impress Donna and Bonnie with her romance novel. But when Brian finds her manuscript, he interprets this to mean this is something she's looking for in a lover. An attempt to impress with a horse fails, but a trip to the grocery store to find wine reveals that not only is it the location of her novel, but a clerk named Horatio is the person described in it. When Lois announces that she's is going to the grocery store and won't be home until late, Brian and Stewie follow where they find Lois taking Horatio for a ride to a stable. Confronting her and begging her not to have an affair, Brian reveals that not only did he read her manuscript but tried to use it to take advantage of her. Highly upset with Brian, Lois reveals that she met Horatio at a group home where he has learning disabilities and she takes him to the stables so he can be with the horses. As Brian tries to spin an apology, Stewie arranges for a horse to give him a good kick.
- Peter Griffin
- Lois Griffin
- Chris Griffin
- Meg Griffin
- Stewie Griffin
- Brian Griffin
- Glenn Quagmire
- Cleveland Brown
- Joe Swanson
- Bonnie Swanson
- Donna Tubbs-Brown
- Kimi Quagmire
- The Pawtucket Patriot (Pictured)
- Peter: [referring to Stewie's lyric in the Theme Song] I swear, he says the F word.
- Slinky: Don't forget to turn in your time card, Peter. What are you, allergic to money?
- Peter: [annoyed and exhausted] Ha ha. No. I wanna get paid. Just forgot.
- [Chris walks through Lois' writing club, naked, dripping wet, and wearing a towel]
- Chris: Ladies.
- Lois: Okay, Donna. You wanna read yours?
- Donna: Oh, I didn't do mine.
- Lois: Wha!? Well, then you can't have anymore snacks. You just can't!
- Donna: Damn, that's steamy, Lois!
- Lois: Really?
- [A talking fogged up window is shown]
- Window: Uh, yeah, really. Phew, anyone mind if I open me? [opens self] Ahhhh, see you in the shower, ladies.
- Joe: Stairs. Why'd it have to be stairs?
- Peter: I started using these pills called "Stiff for Hours" from the gas station.
- Brian: A Stable Affair, by Lois Griffin. [secretly pissed off] Okay, another writer in the house.
- Quagmire: Alright, we'll help you, Peter but we're doing it, Quagsberry rules.
- Peter: What's that?
- Quagmire: A woman, or in this case, a man, has to do anything I say. No questions asked.
- Stewie: Never walk behind a horse! You would have to hate horses not to know that!
- Brian: [imitating Daffy Duck] You're despicable!
- [Peter begs his friends to let him out of the dungeon]
- Peter: I'm so hungry! Let me out! I'll tell you what. First guy that lets me out gets his own spin-off. Not you, Cleveland.
- Lois: [to Brian] Wait, let me get this straight. You, without asking, read something I wrote? Then, thinking I was revealing all my most intimate wants and desires, you thought that you could exploit what you read to seduce me? But, when you thought I might be cheating with someone other than yourself, you found that, and only that morally objectionable? And you bring Stewie here, who doesn't understand any of this?
- Stewie: I predict in the finale, everyone can understand me. That would make a good finale, right?
- Lois: I never thought a dog could be such a genuine piece of human garbage.
- [Stewie puts a horse behind Brian and takes out a shotgun]
- Stewie: Hey, Bri.
- [Stewie fires the shotgun, scaring the horse, and causing it to kick Brian across the room]
- Stewie: [feeding the horse] There's a good girl.
- Stewie: You know what I think we missed in all of this is that Lois wrote a beginning, middle, and end to something. What have you written lately, Brian?
- Brian: Well, nothing, but, I ... I think every writer knows how hard it is to be staring at that blank page.
- Stewie: Heh. Sounds like you did write something. Your career's obituary.
- Chris: Hi, this is Chris Griffin. Boy, Lois had some amorous adventures this week. But you know what really turns me on? Reading. Why don't you get yourself down to the library and open up a book? Here's a few of my favorite books. J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini, and of course, The Dirt, by Motley Crue. Seriously, read The Dirt. They snort a roll of live ants like cocaine. Remember kids, a library card is free, but knowledge is priceless. Get that dirt book.
- Peter had a gay experience with a co-worker.
- Lois writes a romantic story, called "A Stable Affair", featuring an obvious self-insert main character, named "Louise". She also includes a characters based off on Bonnie, Donna, Kimi, and Peter, called Blondie, Lana, Kimby, and Paulter, respectively.
- This is similar to Brian, writing a story about a guy named Byron.
- Peter needs to take erectile dysfunction pills called "Stiff for Hours".
- When Peter turned 40, his urination became harder.
- Stewie finds amusement in watching Brian hit on Lois, while pretending to be a Fabio-style horseback rider. When he does, he says "Ha ha, what!?" This is reminiscent of running gag, where a joke would happen, leading to a cutaway, with Mayor Adam West, laughing that same way, and making that exact quote.
- Peter's favorite food is pizza.
- Peter willingly eats at McBurgertown, despite previously having a stroke there in "McStroke".
- Quagmire's house has a voice automated trap door, that traps people in it, whenever someone says "Quagmire, I'm not going to have sex with you." He also has a robot arm, that throws people out, when people say "Quagmire, can I stay for the night?" and "Uh, Glenn, can we go somewhere and just talk for a minute?". This is supposed to be for girls only, but anyone can activate it, by saying the trigger phrases.
- Stewie breaks the fourth wall to say that he predicts the series finale will feature everyone being able to understand him.
- Brian's douchey behavior reaches an all time low, when he tries to seduce Lois, into having sex with him, despite knowing that this would mean she'd be cheating on Peter. However, when he was under the false impression that she was cheating on Peter with someone else, who wasn't him, he stepped right into action to stop them, only then, paying to the ethics of the situation.
- Lois volunteered at The Special Needs Living Facility to help Horatio. Once a week, she takes him to the stables, because he likes horses. She has fantasies about him "dominating" her with his "idiot strength", but she never acts on it. Rather, she writes about it in her story.
- Peter loses his weight and becomes skinny again. The first time he did this was in "He's Too Sexy For His Fat". The first time was due to liposuction and this time, it was because of forced starvation.
- Peter admits that he's totally up for having sex with Sheila. He previously expressed a sexual attraction for her in "Pawtucket Pete".
- Stewie once again chastises Brian for not writing a single page of his book.
- Meg has no lines in this episode, and she only appears on screen for like one second.
- Peter sings his own show's Theme Song, while climbing the stairs. When he does, he adds "I swear he said the F word." This is a reference to an outrage that happened, over the theme song, regarding Stewie's lyric "Laugh and cry", and how some people thought he said "Effing cry".
- Peter wonders if Labyrinth was a good movie or not, but leans toward thinking it's bad, when realizing that watching it again would be a "chore".
- Peter refers to James Franco's character in 127 Hours.
- Joe says "Stairs, why'd it have to be stairs." This was a reference to Indiana Jones' famous quote "Snakes, why'd it have to be snakes." from the Indiana Jones movies.
- The song "Faith", by George Michael is featured.
- "Quagsberry Rules" are a pun on Queensberry Rules, which refer to rules in boxing.
- Peter becomes a Union soldier in the Civil War.
- Peter hides Skittles in his penis.
- Lois and Brian talk about the play Equus, and how it had Harry Potter's penis in it.
- Brian gets kicked in the dog snout, which causes it to comically spin around, making a whee sound effect, and eventually land on the back of his head. Angered, Brian cranks his snout back to the front of his head and says "You're despicable!" in a cartoon voice and with a lisp. This is a reference to Daffy Duck from "Looney Tunes", and this same joke being used, only he gets shot in the face and it's with his beak.
- Peter promises that whoever gets him out of the dungeon, will get their own spin-off, but then adds that this rule will not apply to Cleveland, referring to his previously cancelled spin-off series, The Cleveland Show.
- Peter meets up with Rancor from Star Wars at the bottom of Quagmire's sex dungeon.
- Horatio wears a Darth Vader cape.
- Chris lists some of his favorite books as The Catcher in the Rye, The Kite Runner, and The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band.