Chris and Stewie Up to Vaping
Dead Dog Walking is an episode of Family Guy.


Brian gets so sick of being married to Jess, he's willing to fake his own death, just to get out of it. Meanwhile, Chris and Stewie get addicted to vaping.




Major Roles

Minor Roles


Lois: Oh, Meg. You have to babysit for Stewie, Saturday.
Meg: Nope.
Lois: Okay. Chris, you have to do it.
Chris: What? That's not fair. I have a party to go to.
Lois: Sorry, Meg found pictures on your father's computer and she's blackmailing us. She can do what she wants until we get some dirt on her.
Peter: I didn't know it was supposed to be hard before I took the picture.

Stewie: You have a pager?
Chris: Yeah.
Stewie: You get paged?
Chris: Yeah, that's how a pager works.
Stewie: Why don't you just get a phone?
Chris: Um, you mean one of your government tracking devices? No thanks, I'm using a pager. Oh, you're looking at your steps? No, the government's watching where you're going. It's not nap time, Stewie. Wake up.

Government Official #1: Okay, Stewie's going to the party.
Government Official #2: Yeah, but where's Chris going?
Government Official #1: I have no idea. He's completely off the grid!
Government Official #2: Dammit! He can't hide forever!
[The government officials look at a screen, which tracks everybody except for Chris]
Government Official #2: Where are you?

Stewie: I see we're smoking.
Teenager: We're not smoking, we're vaping.
Stewie: What's the difference?
Teenager: Smoking is for losers. Vaping is for douchebags.

Brian: I'm a dog. I can hear everything. By the way, the Stranger Things monster just farted.
[Cutaway to Hal the Demogorgon in The Upside Down]
Hal: Whoo! Must have been that fat chick I ate.

Chris: You're smoking the vape pen?!
Lois: No, I'm smoking a real cigarette like mothers are supposed to do.
Chris: You're such a hypocrite! At least vaping is healthy!
Lois: Don't be an idiot! Vaping is just as bad and you look like a douchebag!
Chris: No, I don't! I look cool.
Lois: [hands Chris the vape pen] Go ahead. Hold it to your mouth.
[She takes a picture, then shows him the picture of him vaping with a stupid grin]
Chris: Oh, my God! I'm a douchebag!

[Brian gets put in a cage at the pound]
Brian: Jess is having me put down!? Oh my God! This can't be happening!
[A rabid Clifford the Big Red Dog, is shown in the cage next to him]
Clifford: Did you also eat a kid?

Brian: I'm warning you, if you kill me the internet's gonna freak out.

Peter: When is Brian coming back?
Jess: Oh, never. I'm having him euthanized.
Peter: Euthanized!? Oh my God!
[Peter hurries to his car and speeds down the road]
Peter: Come on, come on!
[Peter rushes into a library and looks through a dictionary]
Peter: Euthanize ... Euthanize ... Euthanize.

Lois: Well, Brian, I'm sorry that Jess died during the commercial break.

Meg: [to Lois] You're such a bitch.
Peter: She's a bitch? Meg, you said you wouldn't tell Stewie's secret!
Chris: Stewie, you told dad?
Stewie: I had to get it off my chest. I didn't think he'd understand me.
Peter: I understand pieces now and then.



Cultural References

  • The title is a pun on "Dead Man Walking".
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