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Coronavirus Podcast
The Coronavirus Podcast is a 2020 Family Guy short, that was voice acted entirely by Seth MacFarlane and had nothing but a still image of Stewie and Brian in medical masks. It was made as a way of helping tide people over, while FOX was in quarantine and therefore, unable to air new Family Guy episodes for the time being.

Synopsis

Due to the coronavirus, Brian and Stewie are in quarantine, so in order to pass the time, they do a podcast.

Plot

TBA

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

Stewie: Okay, we have played Trivial Pursuit until we've memorized every clue. We have created every possible combination in Cards Against Humanity. We just finished our sixty-seventh round of The Game of Life and we'll most likely be playing it until we die. We have played Monopoly, we have played Candy Land, we have played Mouse Trap, we have played Scrabble, we have played Sorry, we have played Chinese Checkers, we have played Connect Four, we have played Jenga, we have played Kerplunk, we have played Hungry Hungry Hippos, we have played Apples to Apples, we have played Snakes and Ladders, we have played Risk, we have played Uno, we have played Trouble, we have played Operation, we have played Boggle, we have played Qwirkle ... That's how bored we are. We played Qwirkle.

Brian: Our goal is to help remind everyone that we can get through this with cooperation and togetherness and on that note, [singing] Imagine there's no Heaven-
Stewie: Nope.
Brian: [singing] It's easy-
Stewie: Nope. Nope.
Brian: [singing] No Hell below us.
Stewie: Unwelcome even in a global pandemic.

Stewie: Now, obviously, many of our favorite television shows are down at the moment, including our own, but do you know if The Masked Singer is still up and running?

Stewie: If you own a tie, you have toilet paper.

Brian: You're getting emails from Sephora?
Stewie: Hey. You think this face is an accident?

Brian: Stay six feet apart at all times from Stanley tape measures. Now, now see that-
Stewie: That's eh-That's good branding.
Brian: That's good branding, right there.

[Brian and Stewie call Peter]
Brian: Peter, you there?
Peter: Yeah, hey Brian. How's it going?
Brian: How-How you holding up out there?
Peter: Good good. Uh, lot of diarrhea but they said as long as that goes on, they're not charging us.
Brian: Oh. Okay.
Peter: So, it's like, why the hell would I tell them when it stops, right?
Brian: Yeah.
Peter: You know what I'm saying?
Brian: Yup.
Peter: Yeah, sure.

Peter: Oh, crap. Brian, Just a sec. One of the managers is coming here.
Brian: Uh, okay?
Peter: [makes loud pooping noise] AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGH!!!! OH, GOD! OOOOOOHHHHHH!!! [makes more pooping noises] OH, IT'S ALL JUST COMING OUT IN HUGE CLUMPS!!! [makes another pooping noise] OOOOOOOHHHH, GOD! IT'S LIKE A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN, FUELED BY THE GEOTHERMAL POWER OF OLD FAITHFUL DOWN THERE!!! OOOOH!!! [makes another loud pooping noise] OOOOF! Certainly, don't charge us, oooh, and I'll have room service bring us another free Margherita pizza with extra cheese and a side fried lobster roll with bacon dressing and two vesper martinis. [makes one last poop noise] Ooooohhhh.
Brian: ... Wow, conning the company out of their service, huh?
Peter: Yep.
Brian: [chuckles good naturedly] Gunna leave them a big tip, I bet.
Peter: What part of "free" don't you get?

Quagmire: So, like, when they talk about only leaving the house for essential services, does that include Thai massage parlors?
Brian: Uh, no.
Quagmire: But like, would that be, ... like a-like a maybe, ... or?
Brian: I-I would say, probably not.
Quagmire: Kind of a wait and see?
Brian: No, I-I would say-
Quagmire: What if you're already there?
Brian: I would go home, Glenn.
Quagmire: Oh, we're [chuckles] we're pretty far along here.

Brian: Just a reminder to please familiarize yourself with the proper guidelines by visiting the website for The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention or The World Health Organization.
Stewie: Who?
Brian: Yes.
Stewie: No, who's website?
Brian: That's correct.
Stewie: Yeah, who?
Brian: Yes.
Stewie: Okay, I go to the website.
Brian: Yes.
Stewie: Whos' website?
Brian: That's right.
Stewie: Brian, we're in a crisis here. I don't think it's the time to be dicking around. Who gives the guidelines?
Brian: Yes, WHO gives the guidelines.
Stewie: THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING! GOD, I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW!!!

Brian: [coughs]
Stewie: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!

Stewie: Do you want to play Qwirkle?

Songs

Trivia

  • This short was made in lieu of coronavirus as a way of helping tide the world over, while it was quarantined, bored out of their minds, and woefully deprived of Family Guy episodes.
  • This short was created entirely by Seth MacFarlane, as he drew the only picture to show up on screen. did all the voice acting, thought of all the dialogue and jokes, and uploaded it to his Instagram account.

Cultural References

  • This entire episode was all about the Coronavirus.
  • Brian and Stewie play Trivial Pursuit, Cards Against Humanity, The Game of Life, Monopoly, Candy Land, Mouse Trap, Scrabble, Sorry, Chinese Checkers, Connect Four, Jenga, Kerplunk, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Apples to Apples, Snakes and Ladders, Risk, Uno, Trouble, Operation, Boggle, and Qwirkle.
  • Aside from Coronavirus, Brian and Stewie talk about other current events such as Katy Perry being pregnant and Tom Brady moving into Derek Jeter's old mansion in Florida.
  • Brian sings John Lennon's song, Imagine.
  • Stewie jokes that The Masked Singer is still on the air.
  • Brian suggests that people wipe their asses with catalogs for L.L. Bean and Stewie mentions how he keeps getting spammed with emails from them.
  • Other companies that spam their emails are Lee, Drakkar Noir, Sephora, and Stanley.
  • Brian reminds audiences to visit the websites for The Centers for Disease Control and The World Health Organization.
  • Stewie and Brian's back and forth about The World Health Organization or (WHO) is a reference to the famous Abbott and Costello bit, "Who's on First Base?".
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