BlueKraid's Fanon is a list of canon characters and how they interact in my Fanon.
A neglectful and abusive father. He teases and humiliates his daughter Meg "Megatron" Griffin on a regular basis. He isn't afraid to speak his mind that he dislikes his daughter for being ugly and acts hypocritical calling her out on similar behaviour to his own. Ie they compliment Lois for becoming a model Model Misbehaviour but disparage Meg for making a remark they consider lewd by interpretating it as incest.
He is also a simpleton and an idiot. He does things without thinking of the consequences which often results in him injuring himself or others or even killing himself or others. Despite dying on multiple occasions he always comes back.
In my canon he doesn't get beaten up by Lois when she thinks he is being too unreasonable, such as wanting to go to the Emmies instead of Meg's school play. Or when he tried to paint himself black. A Shot in the Dark. Instead Peter beats her as he is also a violent wife beater and always gets his own way. Until Seahorse Seashell Party where the family finally has enough and calls him out on his behaviour, in my canon Meg doesn't back down and apologise. (The worthless whore... No wonder people treat you badly Meg)
Lois Griffin Neé Pewterschmidt is as naggy and bossy as usual except when it suits me, I have Peter beat her into submission. When submissive she is quiet and tolerable but Meg and Brian being the voice of reason call her out on not standing up to Peter. She has no karate skills in my Fanon because I don't like her and I want Peter to get himself killed or hurt doing something stupid.
She likes breadsticks and as a little girl she used to jump about on a trampoline dressed in a cave person vest singing "Me likey bouncy! Me likey bouncy!" as part of a circus act. However she doesn't like people talking about it.
Chris is as stupid as usual. He has an evil monkey in his closet that scares him. He is also gross and disgusting. He picks his nose and has his other hand down his pants touching himself at the same time. He is Oscar's favourite member of the Griffin family to play with on the account of his grossness. But he is disturbed and horrifiied by that hand down the pants thing...
She is an average kid that no one understands, Mom and Dad and Vicky always giving her demands... Ahem! Sorry. Meg is bullied for her looks and being an easy target. She is bullied at home by her dad and at school by Connie Damigo.
She is extremely ugly underneath to the point that it is a reacurring joke to imply her ugliness is deadly. However in reality she is just plain and ordinary.
In Seahorse Seashell Party she finally stands up to her family and calls them out on their negative aspects. Peter's stupidity, neglect and bullying, Lois's neglect and unwillingness to call Peter out on his treatment of her. Chris's hygiene and Brian's douchebagness.
The youngest child of the Griffins and a baby. However he is an evil genius and frequently plots to try to kill Lois. He later becomes ambiguously gay Stewie and during an experiment his former dark side that he left behind to embrace his campiness became evil Stewie who tried to kill him and Brian. Stewie successfully kills evil Stewie but the ending is left uncertain. Later Oscar reawakens Stewie's evil part of his brain and he becomes evil again.
He has various gadgets such as a ray gun, a time machine and many more devices.
In my Fanon he always succeeds in killing Lois, but it is permanent in Stewie kills Lois, Lois kills Stewie, and he succeeds in ruling the world.
The family's intelligent talking dog. He drinks a lot and chats up women. When things go badly he rudely insults them after they dump him or occasionally he dumps them. He writes novels that he never finishes and pads them out with stolen material from movies and other novels. He loves classic music like Frank Sinatra and hangs out with the man himself. Brian believes Frank Sinatra and his pals, Hugh Beumont are real men, who drink real alcohol like whisky and aren't afraid to punch some shlub in the face at the bar. On the other hand he greatly dislikes Metrosexuals and effeminate men.
His cousin Jasper is a flaming over the top gay.
Brian enjoys his family's company but some of their negative aspects annoy him. He secretly is in love with Lois and in my Fanon has actually slept with her.
Quagmire hates him for almost no reason, when asked he goes on a hypocritical rant calling Brian out for his negative behaviour towards women when he himself is a dangerous pervert and a sex offender. Screw you Glenn!
A pervert and sex offender, he likes women, any women. He is also a hypocrite, calling Brian out for his negative behaviour towards women when he himself is a pervert and a sex offender. He eventually gets called out himself and commits suicide. He is one of the suspects who may have ran over Brian.
He loves cats but Peter always kills them.
He often out of spitefulness towards Brian, introduces a terminally ill family member he just made up out of nowhere to call Brian out on making a bad joke.
A wheelchair bound police officer and Peter's friend. He is paralysed from the waist down. How he was paralysed is unknown as conflicting stories are told. He lives with his wife Bonnie who secretly hates him for being a burden. His son and his baby daughter, Susie.
Peter's black friend. He gets humiliated and beaten up often. In one episode of the Cleveland show when Roberta is grounded for going out with a criminal Oscar powers her up and she beats Cleveland putting the worthless man in his place like Loretta did and she goes out with her forbidden boyfriend.
He regularly takes baths during Peter's shenanigans which is some what of a reoccurring joke.
Mayor Adam West is a caricature of famous actor Adam West as an insane town mayor who thinks he can grow sausages, that someone is stealing his water and that zombies exist.
Bruce is the local gay guy, he says Oh nooooo! A lot. He was also once a shark, a bee who briefly became mayor and the Alien Queen from Alien.
The town's Jew, he is the butt of many jokes and is humiliated a lot. He lives with his wife Muriel and their son Neil.
The News reporter for Quohog. He has a moustache. He sometimes blurts out inappropriate things and dislikes his co anchor Diane Simmons.
Tom Tucker's co anchor, she died in And Then There Were Fewer, she was later replaced by Joyce Kinney, a former classmate of Lois who once humiliated her.
She replaces Diane Simmons as co anchor. She and Lois go way back...
The town's field reporter and an Asian stereotype. She talks very slowly.
The weather forecast, he shouts very loudly and in short words or phrases. Who wants this dog?
Aka upside down head. Tom Tucker's deformed son, they hate eachother.
A creepy old man who likes children...
He especially likes Chris...
The town doctor, he is very good at his job but often wastes time explaining things by going off on a tangent about things he finds amusing or when distracted while watching TV.
Angela/Princess Leia Organa
Peter's boss at the Pawtucket Pete Beer factory. She's voiced by Carrie Fisher and is secretly Princess Leia.
She once sexually harassed Peter and Oscar and Brian got her fired for that by Oscar beating some sense into Lois that men can be victims of sexual abuse.
She lives on Endor with her brother Luke Skywalker and her boyfriend Han Solo.
Peter's co-worker at the Pawtucket Pete beer factory. He's servely disabled and speaks in gibberish. Despite this he's a competent worker and has been worker of the month all the time. Except once when he was absent.
He was once absent and temporarily Soundwave took his place. Eventually Opie was sacked for masturbating at his desk.
Replaces Opie after he was fired. She's deaf.
Peter and a Marlon Brando look-alike coworker keep shouting Stella! at her.
Peter's former employer at Weed's toy factory. He's normally a competent but strict boss, however ever so often he likes to hunt his employees with a tranquilizer gun.
He dislikes Peter for being incompetent. Peter has been fired and rehired by him several times. Occasionally when Weed is somehow replaced Peter gets promoted.
Eventually he choked to death on a bone and was temporarily replaced by Peter's father, Francis Griffin. Then after they got a new company president, Peter somehow got fired permanently (or he quit, I don't know).
Female relations officer at Weed's toy factory. Her job is to make sure female employees are treated fairly and not made fun of. Peter was once put on one of her seminars for making a rude joke about a female coworker in front of said coworker.
She is a staunch feminist.
She once got beaten up by Lois.
She looks like Aunt Nora Shepherd from the Jumanji animated series.
Ernie the Giant Chicken
A giant chicken. Peter regularly gets into fights with him. The spectacular fight scenes end up causing all sorts of mayhem and destruction in their wake.
Pirate with peg arms and peg legs
A pirate with wooden arms, wooden legs and a wooden torso. His mother was a tree.
Peter's strict catholic father. He is a strict catholic and hates Lois for being Protestant. He once annoyed the family when he lived with them such as not letting Chris go to the bathroom because he believed (possibly quite rightly) that he was only going in there to masturbate.
He once insulted the pope for being too soft.
He died at Meg's birthday party when Peter as a drunk hobo clown fell off the stairs trying to ride a unicycle on them and squashed him, breaking every bone in his body.
Later Peter's mother explained Francis wasn't his real father. An Irish man named Mickey McFinnigan who looks exactly like Peter, except with a beard.
However she once said that Peter was technically Mexican because she conceived him in a Mexican abortion clinic. She says a lot of things...
Peter's real father apparently. What happened to status quo?
Peter: I love that band!
He is a drunk Irish man. Peter was able to prove he was Mickey's son by beating him in a drinking contest.
Peter's annoying gambling mother. She gambles regularly. She's also apparently very annoying as every time she visits the Griffins hide in the escape capsule.
Lois's father and Chris, Meg and Stewie's Maternal grandfather. He and his wife Barbara are extremely rich. However Carter hates Peter and won't give the family a single penny except that one time Lois asked for money to divorce Peter.
Barbara 'Babs' PewterShmidt
Lois's mother and Chris, Meg and Stewie's Maternal Grandmother. Carter's long suffering wife. She is much nicer to Peter, but doesn't like it when he calls her Babs.
Lois's long lost brother. He was committed to an insane asylum as a child after witnessing his mother having an affair with the husband from the Honeymooners. Now he is scared of people in police uniforms, people saying "Pow! Right in the kisser!" And hates fat people, whom he murders by strangling them.
However there was one fat guy strangling murder spree that was actually done by the former Korean hotdog eating champion after he lost to Chris and wanted revenge, but everyone thought it was by Patrick at first.
Jasper, Brian's gay cousin
Brian's over the top, cartoony gay cousin. (The flaming effeminate ones that go "Heeeeellllloooo!")
He lives with his husband Ricardo, a gay Filipino man.
A gay cow that goes "Woooooo! I'm in Hollywood!"
Sexual Deviant Cow
A cow that gets aroused by strange things like being milked or being branded. She or he may also be the gay cow that yells "Wooooooo! I'm in Hollywood!"
Peter's many, possibly made up family members and ancestors
Ever so often Peter may open a cutaway by mentioning a bizarre family member or ancestor with a unique trait. They are probably a figment of his imagination. This also includes alternate versions of Peter and evil clones.
- Nate Griffin. Peter's black ancestor who was a slave working for the PewterShmidts.
- Prehistoric fish Griffin. Evolved into a dinosaur.
- Caveman Griffin.
- Legs go all the way up Griffin. Come back! My legs are shaved like a little girls!
- Willie "Black eye" Griffin. Stop blinking at that pie you gay idiot!
- Moses Griffin
- King Arthur Griffin
- Ponce de Leon Griffin
- Ulysses S Griffin. Peter's Civil War era ancestor.
- Jabba the Griffin. Wookie nipple pinchy!
- Angus Griffin
- Huck Griffin
- Thaddeus Griffin. Peter's evil, moustache twirling twin brother.
- Thomas Griffin.
- Peter's Hairless Twin. Who lives locked up in the tool shed.
- Retep Griffin. Peter's evil twin from a Timelord regeneration two way metacrisis. Either that or Peter has starfish DNA.
- Kathy Griffin. Talks a lot and won't shut up. In a later cutaway Peter explains she's a rabid far left liberal who has a penchant for threatening to chop off the heads of presidents.
- Smurf Griffin
- Chinese Man Griffin. A comical caricature of a China man with a cymbal hat, long whiskers, narrow eyes and buck teeth. Talks in a stereotypical accent. Meg and others regularly mistake him for just being Peter in a poor disguise.
- Peter's many sperm donor children after he accidentally smashed up all the sperm donations in the hospital and had to restock with his own sperm. In one episode Peter's many sperm donations come back to haunt him when his many illegitimate children arrive. Then Larry Griffin has an affair with Lois.
Gilbert Gottfried Horse
A horse voiced by Gilbert Gottfried.
Kool aid Guy
Vern and Johnny
A vaudeville duet that regularly perform as a reoccurring joke. Vern dances and then Jonny plays on his piano.
However one evening during their cutaway they were shot and killed by Stewie who had had enough of them.
They came back as ghosts though. However Johnny was shown playing his piano in Hell. Vern explained Jonny was a pedophile when alive that's why he went to Hell.
Circus Strong Men
They help Peter in the gym by singing the Steak and Eggs song.
The evil monkey who lives in Chris's Closet. Points and glares at you with dramatic music.
However Chris once caught him and he revealed he's not evil he's actually a decent guy and helps Chris with his homework. However Chris sees him as a better father figure because of this than Peter who was ignoring him that Episode. Luckily Peter saves the evil monkey from Robot Miley Cyrus and the family make up. Seeing the Griffins are now happy again Evil Monkey leaves to haunt someone else's closet. Jake Tucker's...
However she was killed by Diane Simmons.
Cleveland's first wife. However Cleveland divorced her because she cheated on him with Quagmire.
She then died after taking a bath during one of Peter's destructive shenanigans that caused a falling bathtub gag at Cleveland's old house. Because she couldn't fall right, she broke her neck.
Cleveland's second and current wife.
Cleveland's fast talking and hyperactive son. When he mysteriously came back from the Cleveland Show as a short, soft spoken fat kid, Cleveland explained he had been diagnosed with ADHD and given Ritalin that as a side effect caused him to over eat and become fat.
However the truth was that this new 'Cleveland Jr' was an imposter who had murdered the original and took his place.
However Rallo, Stewie and Oscar found out the truth and with help with Stewie's Time pad they traveled back in time and stopped Fat Cleveland Jr from killing the original and shot him. However Oscar was hit by a stray bullet and died.
Fat Cleveland Jr's timeline from the moment he killed Cleveland Jr was nullified and never happened. So hyperactive Cleveland Jr still lives with his family.
Fat Cleveland Jr
A murderous imposter who tried to kill and replace Cleveland Jr. Was shot by Stewie in the past, nullifying the timeline he created.
He once got Peter in trouble with the town for shooting him during a break in at Cleveland's house. It was revealed he had actually intended to shoot Cleveland.
Was once mistaken for a cow. He does moo when scared though.
The younger half brother of either Cleveland Jrs depending on the timeline. Currently the original Cleveland Jr. He has a sassy attitude and is a parody of Gary Coleman.
Cleveland's step daughter. She regularly disobeys him and beats him up when he tries to ground her/stop her going out with her criminal boyfriend. As a result Joe arrested her at the scene of her boyfriend selling meth and she was incarcerated in juvenile hall.
Tubbs family's toaster
A talking toaster that doesn't like Fat Cleveland Jr very much so it eats his toast. It once thought he was a girl.
Tim the bear
A talking bear. He lives with his wife and son. They are also bears.
Quagmire's father. He then decided he wanted to become a woman and did so. She is now a blonde woman.
Brian once slept with her not knowing who she really was.
Apparently the reason Quagmire is a pervert is because his mother got aroused giving birth to him so she had him put back in her so she could get aroused over and over again. Quagmire was born five times that day.
A staunch republican who converts Brian, a staunch democrat over to seeing things the republican way. Stewie explains that Brian isn’t actually any of the two sides. He just has to hold the controversial or unpopular opinions associated with eith political party. Ie as a Democrat Brian is a staunch atheist regardless how much his religious family and the presence of Jesus himself as a citizen of Quohog prove otherwise. A staunch believer in open boarders... As republican under Rush’s friendship Brian thinks women who abort should be put to death on a burning stake for heresy.
But this is about Rush not Brian. Rush is a staunch republicans who got Brian to see his way of thinking. He is like a big brother or loving uncle to George “Monkey banana brains” Bush Jr. Sometimes he is the rancor from Star Wars Return of the Jedi.
Eventually he gets fed up with Brian for only liking the controversial, medieval policies of the Republican Party and because things break whenever Brian is nearby.
George W Bush Jr
Aka President Monkey Banana brains. A dangerous war mongering idiot who likes to bomb Middle Eastern countries. He also acts like a baby to the point Rush acts like an uncle towards him and carries him or gives him lollipops. And he cried when Clown Peter accidentally broke his desk lamp making him laugh.
Shoots people then apologises saying he thought they were a deer.
A former president. Walks around naked. Once slept with Lois and then Peter.
George H W Bush Sr
Aka President Grumpypants. George and Jeb’s father. He is a very grumpy former President who lives with his wife Barbara Bush. He really, really hates the Simpsons. Especially Bart.
Also known as Rapping Ronald Reagan. Homer owns a mix tape of him saying well a lot. He regularly tries to punch down walls of McDonalds thinking he is the Incredible Hulk. He also was a zombie once. And once Peter had his ghost on his ham radio.
Richard Milhouse Nixon
He is not a crook! Aroooooo!
An evil supervillain former President riddled with Flabitis who sometimes howls like a wolf of wobbles his jowls while speaking. He is currently dead in the twentieth and twenty first centuries but comes back to life as a head in a jar in the thirty first century.
Is best friends with headless Spiro Agnew.
Headless Spiro Agnew
Also known as President Tango, President Cheetos and President orange face. A bright orange man that every comedy sitcom like Family Guy and the Simpsons portrays as a bad guy because of his policy against illegal immigrants and Mexicans. Family Guy portrays him as Jabba the Hutt.
Peter’s cousin Kathy got arrested for threatening to decapitate him.
President Grover Cleveland
Whenever President Cleveland is mentioned as part of a gag in Family Guy or the Simpsons Cleveland Brown turns up as the president only to be pushed off screen by Peter reminding him he was never president of America.
Other jokes are about how Grover Cleveland is Grover from Sesame Street.
Peter: “That’s hilarious! Hehehe! President Grover!”
The president who got shot by John Wilkes Booth. Homer likes to dress as a gay southerner accented version of him and go “The South shall rise again!” Rick Sanchez once spliced his DNA with Adolf Hitler’s to create Abradolf Lincler.
He is a very wicked man who married a voodoo woman who practiced her dark magic in the White House.
On the other hand he fights vampires and cybernetic Confederates! He once met Batman!
Aka the president with wooden false teeth. He once cut down his father’s cherry tree when he was a boy and got told off for doing so. At some point later in life he lost his natural teeth and got a set of wooden false teeth.
President Theodore Rex “Teddy” Roosevelt
Aka President Moustache. Famous for inventing teddy bears before the Germans. He is always voiced by Robin Williams. Hates Sonic the Hedgehog for some reason.
The American Civil War
Not a character but an event in history. Fought by the north, the south and the east of the United States of America. And briefly black people and Natives joined in the war. The Black people believing if they helped the north win they’d end slavery. The Natives or red indians fought because they wanted everyone else to get the fuck out of their country!
There was a re-enactment with monkeys. The apes from planet of the apes found this very amusing and historically accurate.
There was also that time in the Simpsons where Frink ruined a re-enactment with a steam powered robot giant spider.
The Boston Tea Party
Britain gave America tea but they hated it and threw it overboard during a tea party.
Then in land based battles of the war of independence Britain and its red coats went fox hunting but by foxes they meant Americans so they hunted Americans basically.
The Americans won the war of independence but a new war started when those flying saucers from Independence Day attacked! They vaporised the White House with a big ass energy beam laser!
Then Will Smith saved everyone and kicked the aliens’ asses. That’s why today he is a member of the Men in Black.
Before the war of independence there were events and important people such as General Custer who raped naked Native American women who he tied to Cacti. Peter claimed one of his ancestors encountered him.
Then there was Sacajawea a famous Native American lady who helped the British cross America to the Pacific Ocean and in return she got her likeness printed on tubs of butter.
Pocahontas was another famous Native American. She fell in love with a British gold miner called John Smith. This made her fiancé Houkum, who her father arranged her to be married to very angry so he tried to kill John Smith. But John’s friend shot and killed him. John got blamed and the angry natives tried to have him executed but Pocahontas begged her father to spare him, so he did. Then Governer Ratcliffe tried to shoot the Native Chief but John leapt in the path of the bullet and died.
The British rebelled against Governor Ratcliffe and arrested him and took him back home to face sanctions for his insane behaviour. John was made a hero by the Natives and Pocahontas went to Britain to marry an English man.
The New World is discovered.
Christopher Columbus who directed the Harry Potter movies was not the first explorer to find America which he thought was India. America had already been discovered by Europe by the Viking Leif Erickson. But Christopher threw a tantrum and demanded people recognise his discovery of America and not Leif’s.
Peter still celebrates Leif Erickson Day though.
Leif Erickson discovered America so he could give it Scandinavian products like ABBA and Gravlax. And cartoon Viking helmets to wear at drunk parties.
However the Skraelings didn’t like him.