| Barely Legal | |
|---|---|
| Season 5, Episode 7 | |
| |
| Air date | October 22, 2006 |
| List of Episodes | |
| Previous Brian Sings and Swings |
Next The Father, The Son, and The Holy Fonz |
Barely Legal is the seventh episode of the fifth season of Family Guy. It is the ninety-fifth episode, overall.
Synopsis[]
When Meg can't find a date to her junior prom, Brian gets suckered into going with her, even though he is dating Jillian. When Brian arrives at the dance he gets drunk to ease his pain, but after he makes out with Meg while drunk, Meg starts to think of Brian as her boyfriend and becomes obsessed with spending every waking moment with him. Meanwhile, the Beer Bar Buddies and Horace join the police force and train to be cops like Joe.
Plot[]
After Mayor Adam West deploys the entire Quahog police department to Cartagena, Colombia to search for a character from Romancing the Stone, Joe becomes bogged down at work, being the only officer not sent to Colombia because South America is “not wheelchair accessible." Because of this, Peter and the guys decide to become police officers to help Joe.
Meanwhile, Meg comes home from school, threatening to commit suicide because she does not have a date for her Junior Prom. As a last resort, Brian agrees to take her. Brian hides his unhappiness in attending by getting drunk, but near the end of the night in the course of defending Meg, he manages to bring Connie D’Amico down a level by telling her she developed early and put out at age 12, and now she was afraid that her body would be so worn out at age 19 that even her step-dad wouldn’t want her. Almost immediately following this, Brian and Meg make out with each other. After their kiss, Brian then vomits and claims that it’s from the booze, not Meg.
After the dance, Meg begins to consider Brian her boyfriend, but Brian tells her he has no intentions to date her. Because of this, Meg becomes obsessed with Brian and begins to make bizarre advances at him. Feeling that he’s losing control of the situation, Brian tells Lois about Meg and how she loves him because he made out with her at the prom. As expected, Lois is furious and orders Brian to set things right. Even after Brian tells Meg that he will never be attracted to her, she knocks him out with a bag of Dog Chow, ties him up and then brings him to a hotel in an attempt to have sex with him, but is stopped by Peter and his friends.
Quagmire offers his services to straighten Meg out. Meg comes over to his house and, instead of sleeping with her as expected, he has a heart-to-heart talk with her, explaining that she doesn’t need to have a boyfriend to have fun as a teenager and gives her a book, Shel Silverstein’s The Missing Piece, to guide her. Quagmire then goes into his bedroom to have sex with two hookers, but is put off by how one of them pronounces the word “whip”.
Characters[]
Major Roles[]
- Meg Griffin
- Brian Griffin
- Lois Griffin
- Connie D'amico
- Joe Swanson
- Peter Griffin
- Glenn Quagmire
- Cleveland Brown
- Horace
Minor Roles[]
- Chris Griffin
- Stewie Griffin
- Mayor Adam West
- Tom Tucker
- Diane Simmons
- Jillian Russel-Wilcox
- Tricia Takanawa
- Performance Artist
- Opie Richardson
- Herbert the Pervert
- Patty Patterson
- Ruth Rutherford
- Esther Esthederm
- Beth Bethany
- Allison Janney
- Jimmy
- Mort Goldman (Cameo)
- Neil Goldman (Cameo)
- Ollie Williams (Cameo)
- Gina Resedes (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Bonnie Swanson (Mentioned)
Quotes[]
- Tom: Now let's go to Ollie Williams' Cooking Corner. What are you making, Ollie?
- Ollie: EGGO!
- Tom: Thanks, Ollie. And now this!
- Lois: Peter, wha-what is that!?
- Peter: Uh, this would be a giraffe, Isaac Newton.
- [Allison Janney sticks her head into Quagmire's window]
- Quagmire: [offscreen] Oh, good morning honey. That feels really good. I-d-wha-wha-hey, HEY, HEY! WHAT THE HELL!? YOU'RE NOT THE SAME GIRAFFE FROM LAST NIGHT! GET OUT OF HERE!
- [Allison Janney crashes into Cleveland's house and he falls out of the bathtub]
- Cleveland: What the hell!? No no no no NO NO!
- [Cleveland crash lands his butt on the ground]
- Cleveland: I gotta stop taking my baths during Peter's shenanigans.
- [Meg is crying because nobody will go to prom with her]
- Brian: Oh, I'm sure you'll find someone to go to prom with you.
- Meg: [crying] NO, I WON'T! I'M SO FAT AND GROSS!
- Brian: [unenthused] Awwww.
- Meg: [crying] I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF!
- Brian: [unenthused] Awwww, that's ... come on.
- Meg': [crying] I'M GONNA DO IT! I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF, CAUSE NO ONE WILL GO TO THE PROM WITH ME!
- Brian: [unenthused] Awwww.
- [Meg goes to the kitchen drawer and sticks her hands the silverware drawer]
- Brian: [unenthused] Meg, ... stop it ... come onnnn...
- [Meg takes out a massive knife; Brian walks in, not wanting Meg's suicide on his head]
- Brian: Alright-Alright, Meg, look. W-What if I ... What if I drove you and, walked in with you, or whatever...
- Meg: [delighted] [gasp] Brian, will you go with me!?
- Brian: Are you gonna kill yourself if I don't?
- Meg: Yeah.
- Brian: [laughing] Well, then my hands are pretty much tied!
- Meg: [overjoyed] Oh, Brian! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh! I have to buy a new dress. All the ones I have make me look fat.
- Brian: [unenthused] Awwww.
- Brian: [drunk] Man, I-I gotta tell you, I-I can see why you'd be insecure, Meg. Some of these chicks are unbelievable!
- Connie: You know, Meg. There's no dogs allowed here, so you're gunna have to leave but Brian can stay.
- [Connie and her friends laugh]
- Brian: You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch.
- Connie: Excuse me?
- Meg: Brian, let's just go.
- Brian: [to Meg] No, no, no, no, now, hang on-hang on, Meg. Hang on. [to Connie] You see, Connie. You're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were twelve and now you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So, you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age 19, you're gunna be a worn out, chalky-skinned, burlap sack, that even your stepdad won't want. How's that? Am I in the ballpark?
- [Connie runs away crying]
- [Brian and Meg make out]
- Brian: [vomits] Sorry, that was the booze not you ... You gunna eat that?
- [Peter does a cavity search on Quagmire and pulls a bunch of random things out of his ass]
- Peter: Uh, I think that's everything.
- [Bruce enters]
- Bruce: You want me to double check?
- Joe: I appreciate you guys volunteering for this next phase of training, which will address how to deal with a crazed drug user.
- Peter: Hey, uh, Joe, what are we supposed to do in here?
- Joe: You see that coffee you're drinking? I have, without your knowledge, added a large amount of PCP to one of those cups of coffee. I won't say which one but in a few moments, one of you will completely lose your freaking mind! Good luck.
- Peter: Uh-oh.
- Cleveland: Oh no.
- Horace: Oh crap, this is not good.
- Quagmire: We're in trouble.
- Peter: Al-al-alri-alright. Let's just ... Let's just all try to relax, here, huh?
- Cleveland: I don't feel so good.
- Peter: Oh, God. It's Cleveland! It's him! IT'S HIM!
- Cleveland: Shut up! Maybe it's you!
- Peter: It's not me. I feel fine!
- Horace: It is you, Peter! You're acting more loony than usual!
- Peter: You can't prove that! Horace, how do we know it's not you?
- Horace: Well, how do we know it's not you?
- Quagmire: How the hell did all this skin get of my arm?
- [Quagmire rips his skin off; All of the guys scream in terror]
- Horace: JESUS CHRIST, Q-MAN!
- Peter: QUAGMIRE, PUT YOUR SKIN BACK ON! ONE OF US IS ABOUT TO FREAK OUT!
- Meg: I'm going to the mall later. Maybe you can come and help me pick out some underwear?
- Brian: Uh, I-I don't think that's gunna be a possibility. I ... have plans, um ... [sees Chris] with Chris! Chris and I have uh, plans this afternoon.
- Chris: We do?
- Brian: Yeah. Yeah, we're doing uh, we're doing that thing. We're-We're doing ... what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon.
- Chris: Masturbate?
- Brian: Masturbate. We're gunna masturbate together.
- Chris: Well, maybe back-to-back, but I-I gotta tell you. I'm not 100% on this.
- Chris: [offscreen] Brian, I'm ready! You in or out?
- Meg: Everyone, this is Brian.
- Esther: Oh, this is Brian.
- Ruth: He does look like Ben Affleck.
- Beth: He looks just like Ben Affleck.
- Patty: Is that Ben Affleck?
- Patty: Makeup and stickers and ponies and MySpace.com!
- Meg: Hey, Brian.
- Brian: Oh, Meg, hey. Hey, listen, I hope you're feeling alright about our little talk the other day. You know, about us being just friends and all.
- Meg: Oh, [scoff] yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm fine and ... hey, look I ... I wanted to thank you for being so great to me so ... I baked you a pie.
- Brian: Oh, wow. Hey, that looks delicious.
- [Brian eats the pie]
- Brian: Mmm, wow, this is good. What's in there?
- Meg: Well, there's some apples and some cinnamon and butter ... and my hair.
- Brian: What?
- Meg: My hair is in the pie, Brian. And now, it's inside of you. Part of me is inside of you, Brian. Do you feel me, Brian? Do you feel me inside of you?
- [Meg leaves; Stewie enters]
- Stewie: Oh, you got some pie, uh? Can I have a piece?
- Brian: Uh, sure.
- Stewie: Ooh, let me have some of that Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: What'd you say?
- Stewie: You can't have a pie without Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: Cool Hwhip?
- Stewie: Cool Hwhip, ya.
- Brian: You mean Cool Whip?
- Stewie: Ya, Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: Cool Whip.
- Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: Cool Whip.
- Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: You're saying it weird, why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?
- Stewie: What are you talking about? I'm just saying it,Cool Hwhip. You put Cool Hwhip on pie. Pie tastes better with Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: Say Whip.
- Stewie: Whip.
- Brian: Now say Cool Whip.
- Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: Cool Whip.
- Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: Cool Whip.
- Stewie: Cool Hwhip.
- Brian: You're eating hair!
- Stewie: [spits out the hair]
- Brian: I may have made out with Meg.
- [Lois pauses & then punches Brian]
- Brian: OK, I had that coming.
- Lois: What the hell is wrong with you, you sick bastard?!
- Brian: Look I was drinking...
- Lois: Ohhh, what a shock!
- Brian: Look the short version is, this morning she made me eat the hair in her pie. [Lois punches Brian again] No, it's not what you think. Stewie had some too. [Lois punches Brian again] Stop punching me!
- Brian: Look, you obviously didn't hear me yesterday so I'll explain it again. And here to assist me is the headmaster for the New York School for the Hard of Hearing, Mr. Garret Morris. Meg, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
- Garret Morris: WE'RE NOT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND!
- Brian: I will never be attracted to you.
- Garret Morris: I WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTED TO YOU!
- Brian: You're acting like a psycho bitch.
- Garret Morris: YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A PSYCHO BITCH!
- Brian: Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
- Garret Morris: GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW!
- [Brian walks out the door, Garret Morris disappears]
- Meg: I won't be ignored, Brian
- [Garret Morris reappears]
- Garret Morris: Ugh, yuck. You got a gross flabby ass.
Song[]
- A Brand New Day
Trivia[]
- The two songs being played during the dance scene are “Hold on to the Nights” by Richard Marx and “Why” by Annie Lennox.
- This was the second time that somebody whom Meg has asked out has made a personal sacrifice in order to get out of it. The first time, the guy shoots himself in the chest with a nail gun and tells Meg that he will be in the hospital and can't make it.
- When Peter does his cavity inspection of Quagmire, he finds a cell phone, a door knob, a piece of cheese, a wind-up racecar, a live fish, a DVD of the 1997 Nickelodeon film Good Burger, a xylophone, and a mallet.
- Mila Kunis was nominated for a 2007 Annie Award for her performance as Meg in this episode, but lost to Eartha Kitt for The Emperor's New School. Kirker Butler was also nominated for writing the episode, he lost to Ian Maxtone-Graham for The Simpsons episode "The Seemingly Neverending Story".[1]
- Meg’s friends think that Brian resembles actor Ben Affleck.
- When Stewie asks for some Cool Whip, Brian notices that he pronounces the wh with emphasis on the h. This is repeated when Meg tells Brian that they’re going to be at the hotel for a "whhile" and saying he's acting "whheird" even though that one doesn't even have an h in it, and again when Quagmire’s bedmates ask him if he brought the "whhip."
- Joe admits he likes watching his wife Bonnie undress from afar, while imagining she is a strange woman who lives in his house. In "Love Your Trophy", Bonnie herself is shown to have a similar fetish. In the episode, she is shown becoming aroused while watching her husband, along with Cleveland, distract Stewie's foster parents. She admits to Lois that she was getting turned on watching her husband pretending to be somebody else.
- Quagmire hands Meg the book The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein, a book that deals with relationships using a round creature missing a piece.
- The townsfolk sing “A Brand New Day/Everybody Rejoice”, a song from the Broadway musical The Wiz.
- Seth MacFarlane feels that "Barely Legal" was one of the best episodes Family Guy ever did. [2]
- In the scene where the guys are sitting in Peter's living room after becoming cops, and Joe is looking out the window, allegedly watching his wife Bonnie undress, it would be physically impossible for Joe to watch Bonnie undress from Peter's front window, being that Joe and Bonnie live next door to Peter, not across the street.
Cultural References[]
- In a scene, Meg says "Do you feel me, Brian? Do you feel me inside of you?", referencing the film Casino.
- The music playing when Peter and the gang arrive at the Quahog Police Academy bears similarities to the theme song from the Police Academy movies. Peter mentions that “it is our first day at Police Academy 4,” in which ordinary civilians are trained as police officers. Quagmire specifically also wears a T-shirt that says “ONE IN THE OVEN” as worn by Mahoney. During the scene when Peter and the boys raid Meg’s hotel room, Cleveland yells “Don’t move, dirtbag!”, a line that was said by Sgt. Hooks from Police Academy.
- Most of Meg’s scenes where she obsesses over Brian are reminiscent to Glenn Close’s scenes in the film Fatal Attraction. Such as when Meg turns the lights on and off, while listening to opera and the "I won't be ignored, Brian" line Meg uses.
- Garrett Morris cameoed as the “headmaster of the New York School for the Hard-of-Hearing,” a part that he played while a cast member on Saturday Night Live during Weekend Update. At the end, he says “Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow,” which was the closing line during Chevy Chase’s tenure on Weekend Update.
Continuity[]
- Meg is the fourth family member that Brian has kissed. The first was Peter in “Brian Griffin: Portrait of a Dog” even though it was on the cheek, the second was Stewie in “Peter Griffin: Husband, Father ... Brother?”, “Deep Throats” and “Saving Private Brian” and the third was Lois in “The Perfect Castaway” even though it was on the cheek, as well, making Chris the only family member Brian has never kissed.
Extended Cut Scenes/Uncut Version Differences[]
- When Stewie presents Meg in a nice dress, Stewie says in the censored version, “FYI, the carpet matches the curtains, in color and length,” before it cuts to the outside shot of the school. In the uncensored versions, Stewie’s line was, “FYI, the carpet matches the curtains, in color and quantity,” and adds, “You ever see a blacksmith’s apron?” before the scene cuts to the outside of the school.
- After the scene of Peter giving Quagmire a cavity search, there is an extra scene in the uncensored versions where Peter, Quagmire, Horace, and Cleveland are in a room, each drinking from a cup. Joe, explains that the four are part of a test to see if they can identify traces of PCP in the coffee they’re drinking. This causes Peter, Cleveland, and Horace to become paranoid over who drank the PCP and accuse each other of freaking out, but the real culprit turns out to be Quagmire when he wonders why his arm has so much skin on it and rips it off without feeling any pain.
- In the scene where Brian tries to bail out of spending the day with Meg, he says he’s going to do whatever Chris does on a Thursday afternoon, which is masturbate. Brian’s line after Chris says “masturbate” in the uncensored version is “Masturbate. We’re going to masturbate together.” The censored version only has one mention of the word “masturbate” and changes Brian’s line to “Yeah, that’s it. That’s what we’re going to do together,” to edit out the extra mentions of the word.
- When Brian drunkenly stands up to Connie D’Amico for making fun of Meg, he states that the reason Connie is so insecure is because she developed early and in the censored version, “started putting out for guys when she was 12.” Uncensored states that Connie developed early and started “giving handjobs when she was 12.”
- When Brian tries to explain to Lois why Meg is acting weird around him and ends up getting punched by Lois, Brian says in the censored version that Meg made him eat “the hair in her pie”, referring to the pie that Meg put her hair in so Brian will have a piece of her inside him. The uncensored version uses the more vulgar expression “hair pie,” which implies that Brian had oral sex with Meg.
- When Peter and his buddies catch Meg seducing the captured Brian, Peter tells Brian that what he’s doing to Meg is worse than what Mia Farrow did to that Oriental guy that Woody Allen brought home from the circus. Uncensored, the racial slur “Chinaman” was used instead of “Oriental guy.”