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Baby Stewie
Baby Stewie is an episode of Family Guy.

Synopsis

Stewie builds a DNA-altering machine that will allow him to remain smart forever, but the invention has the adverse effect and he instead transforms into what he should have always been - an actual baby. Meanwhile, the families of Spooner Street go into escape rooms.

Plot

Stewie Blowing Bubbles
When Quagmire is unable to drink with the guys due to medications, they all decide to do a non-drinking activity by going to an escape room with their families. As Peter and Lois bumble their way through, Stewie informs Brian of the answer to the problem. As they chat later at home, Brian points out that Stewie will lose his intelligence at puberty and provides a video that makes Chris look smart as a baby. Stewie decides to stop the process by rearranging his DNA, but ends up reverting himself to a real baby.
Escape Room Guy

Unable to cope with Stewie's baby form, he tries to undo the damage but has several misfires, with a gremlin-like creature being the end result. He seeks help from Chris, without luck. With everyone closing in on him, he hits on the idea of going back in time to stop Stewie where he convinces him that he'd only played a prank by showing Chris' video in reverse before eating a Rubik's cube and that he will remain smart. In revenge, Stewie has Brian drown his future self in order to restore the timeline.

Mailbox Madness

To fill out the remaining time, the show presents a Pixar-like short of Cleveland delivering mail. He comes across a row of five mailboxes and delivers the mail but when he leaves, one of the doors falls open. Cleveland goes back to close it only for another door to open. Cleveland closes that one and the other mailbox opens again. Cleveland drives himself crazy, trying to close the mailboxes and then finally closes them both at the same time, only for a third mailbox to open. Before you know it, all five of the mailboxes are opening and closing all willy nilly and Cleveland is doing gymnastics, just trying to keep them all closed. Finally, he closes all five of them and holds them shut. Then, his phone rings and slowly but surely, he gets off and all the mailboxes stay shut. When he looks at his phone, it's a text from Donna, saying that his mom died. Cleveland frowns in sadness and then all five of the mailboxes open again and all the mail falls out.

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Songs

Quotes

Peter: Quagmire, excuse my Wisconsin mouth but [in a Wisconsin accent] why the heck are you not drinking for cripes sake?

Quagmire: I'm on medication so I can't drink, okay? And I'm not gonna say what it's for I'll ... I'll just say the pharmacist whispers it to me.

Peter: Cleveland, I could kiss you!
Cleveland: My heart says yes but my lord says no.

Peter: Will there be fractions? I was told there would be no fractions.
Escape Room Guy: Well, whoever told you that was half right.
Peter: Huh?

Joe: Well, I don't know if we should be betting. Our family kind of has an unfair advantage, I mean, ... I'm a detective.
Bonnie: No.
Joe: Kay.

Kevin: Escaping rooms is kind of my forte. I got a lot of real life practice, all those times I was imprisoned by Al-Qaeda.
Lois: My, oh my, Kevin. Al-Qaeda? That must have been a dreadful experience.
Kevin: Yeah, but it wasn't all bad. After getting out, I got to take with me some of their virgins. Needless to say, they weren't virgins for long after that.
Joe: That's my boy.
[Joe fist bumps Kevin]

Roberta: This is stupid dumb. I don't wanna be in no escape room.
Donna: Oh, relax Roberta. I think you'll be good at this. It's just like escaping your own room, when you're grounded!
Roberta: Wait, you knew?
Donna: Aha! I was just joking, but now I know you've been a bad little bitch!

Meg: Hey, Chris. You want an edible?
Chris: [shocked] MEG! ... [happy] Yes!

Lois: Where do people leave their keys, when they come into a room?
Meg: [high] In the coat on the coat rack.

Chris: STRENGTH OVER BRAINS!

Cleveland: I found the Key. Now, where's the Peele? [chuckles] Just kidding. [to the key] I know you're really lookin' for a lady lock to stick yo'self into.
Junior: The key has to open one of these drawers, but which one?
Rallo: That key's gunna be opening a lady's drawers. Ha ha!
Junior: What?
Rallo: You know, like what Cleveland said. It's a sex joke.
Junior: Not a very good one.
Cleveland: I'm partial to Kevin's joke from earlier.

Cleveland: Now, to find the next clue.
[Cleveland opens the first drawer and pulls out some underwear]
Cleveland: This is just an underwear drawer, no.
[Cleveland throws the underwear on Rallo's head]
Rallo: AAACK!
[Cleveland opens the second drawer and pulls out a red fish]
Cleveland: Clearly a red salmon pretending to be a red hurring, making it a red hurring. Nope.
[Cleveland opens the third drawer and pulls out a vaccine syringe]
Cleveland: Cure for corona. Not a clue.
[Cleveland opens the fourth drawer and a lion comes out]
Cleveland: AAAAH! A LION!
[Cleveland slams the drawer shut and locks it; Cleveland opens the fifth drawer and takes out a clue]
Cleveland: Aha! The next clue!

Bonnie: Come on, Joe. We're almost halfway through the puzzle and you haven't figured one thing out. Aren't you supposed to be a detective?
Joe: Police detectives don't SOLVE RIDDLES, BONNIE!!!

Cleveland: Everything on Groupon is just a trick to Get Out black people.

Stewie: The answer is obvious.
Brian: I know, totally ...
Stewie: ... Oh. Oh, you're waiting for me to keep going.

Bozo the Tax Accountant: Well, the good news is, since you do a sex advice podcast, which I really like, by the way, every time you [honks horn] it's a write-off.
Woman: Really?
Bozo the Tax Accountant: Oh, yeah and now just [honks horn] also [blows slide whistle] and even [flings jaw harp]
Woman: Are you kidding me?
Bozo the Tax Accountant: [pies himself in the face] Do I look like I'm kidding?

[Stewie takes off his bathrobe and we see him from behind]
Stewie: Oh, Brian. Could you pass me that censor bar?
Brian: Oh, sure.
[Brian passes him the censor bar and Stewie puts it on the front of himself]
Stewie: Thanks. This is network television, not Big Mouth.

Chris: Mom! Dad! Brian's talking crap about you guys to Stewie.
Brian: What!? No I wasn't!
Meg: Yeah, he was. He said we were a bunch of basic bitches. It's kind of true, yo.

Peter: Are umpires not cool? I'm starting to feel foolish.

Waiter: That man over there, reading a book by himself has offered to pay for your meal if you move to a table outside.
Quagmire: [to himself] You're not the dick in this situation. You're paying for their meal so you can't be the dick.

Lois: Brian, I need your help with Stewie on the plane.
Brian: Sure, no problem.
Lois: The iPad's broken.
Brian: FUCK!

Priest: Now, the bride and groom would like to share a moment of silence to honor the family members who have passed. They may not be with us in person but they are with us in spirit.
[Everyone shares a moment of silence]
Stewie: [offscreen] Poo poo!
Brian: [offscreen] No! We do not touch poo poo in this family! We do not touch poo poo! No! Hands up! That's it. Now there's no bubbles later.
Stewie: [offscreen] Yes! Bubbles!
Brian: [offscreen] No bubbles. You lost the bubbles.
Stewie: [offscreen] Yes! Bubbles!
Brian: [offscreen] Maybe you can earn them back but as far as I'm concerned, you lost the bubbles. They're gone. They're probably gone.

Stewie: Yay! Bubbles!

[The bride and groom give Brian a dirty look]
Brian: [angry] WHAT!?

[Stewie turns into Pikachu]
Stewie: Stewie-chu!

[Brian changes Stewie's form to try and set him back to normal]
Brian: No. No. No.
[Stewie turns back to normal]
Stewie: Brian! You did it!
Brian: No.
[Brian changes Stewie again]
Brian: OH, SHIT SORRY! SHIT!

[Chris does weird sexual stuff with ta vacuum cleaner, batteries, dish towels, and burgers]
Chris: You don't wanna be in here, dude.

Asian Dictator: STEWIE!

Brian: Wish me luck, Flat Stanley.
Flat Stanley: Or you could just call me "Stanley". Not make fun of my body.

Stewie: By traveling back here, you've created a new timeline. For everything to revert back to normal, you have to drown your past self in the toilet.
[Brian's past self enters]
Brian: Hey, Stewie.
[Brian jumps on his past self and dunks him in the toilet]
Stewie: [alarmed] Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! No! No! Sorry! Sorry! I have it backwards!
Brian: What!?
Stewie: You're supposed to be drowning your future self. You came back. You're the new timeline.
Brian: Oh, come on!
Stewie: Hey, I said I'm smart. I'm not perfect.
[Brian lets his past self out]
Brian: Do it! Just do it!
[Past Brian drowns future Brian and Stewie counts on his fingers]
Stewie: ... Eh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this is right.

Stewie: Well, that was fun but it didn't fill the whole episode.
Brian: To help fluff out these last few minutes, we've followed the Pixar tradition of killing time, by showing a Family Guy short.
Stewie: And don't worry, it won't be that creepy one where the Chinese mother eats her baby.
Brian: Now presenting Cleveland Brown in Mailbox Madness.

Trivia

  • Chris and Meg do edibles before entering the escape room.
  • Aside from Stewie, Meg is the only other member of the family to show any sign of intelligence in the escape room. Like Stewie, she is also completely ignored.
  • Things Stewie turned into, when using the G.A.D.:
    • Baby of average baby intelligence
    • Stewie develops a hand on his head
    • Has his arm and legs swap positions
    • Turtle
    • Long legs
    • Caveman
    • Pikachu
    • Chris Hemsworth haircut
    • Bottom with no torso
    • Torso with no bottom
    • Spider
    • Audrey II
    • Normal self
    • Various blobs
    • Piece of shit
    • Gremlin from Gremlins
  • Stewie assures the audience that Family Guy's Pixar-like short won't be like the one where the Chinese mother eats her baby, referring to Bao which preceded The Incredibles 2.
  • In the short "Mailbox Madness", Cleveland receives a text from Donna, saying that his mother, Evelyn Brown, has died, although this is unclear if it is only a gag in the short.

Cultural References

  • This episode's title is a pun on the children's song, "Baby Shark".
  • Cleveland and his family sinking into their seats in the escape room is a reference to 'the sunken place' in the film Get Out.
  • Stewie names his gene-altering device, or G.A.D., after actor Josh Gad.
  • Stewie's operation manual for G.A.D. only features him with different Chris Hemsworth haircuts.
  • The Asian Dictator had the flags of North Korea, China, Vietnam, and Laos.
  • One of the addresses on a mailbox in "Mailbox Madness" was A113, which is a reference to how that sequence of letters and numbers is always hidden in every Pixar production.

Deleted Scenes

  • Entire opening scene, where Quagmire talks about how he can't drink because of his new medication.
  • The Escape Room Guy makes an odd speech about domesticated rats being loose in the building.
  • Chris picking his elbow scab.
  • Peter stereotyping Italians by mentioning how they kiss crosses before getting on an airplane.
  • Cutaway gag about a guy bringing a dog to Target.
  • Cutaway gag of James Taylor playing a song about Boston.
  • Stewie singing "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C.
  • Stewie barfing on Brian on the plane.
  • The G.A.D. constantly asking Brian to give Stewie a Chris Hemsworth haircut.
  • Cutaway gag to Sylvester Stallone needed help getting ready in the morning.
  • Chris asking Brian for oddly specific stuff to have sex with.
  • Brian saying that Stewie has a sexual past with Rupert.

Gallery

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