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| An App a Day | |
|---|---|
| Season 13, Episode 4 | |
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| Air date | September 28, 2014 |
| Episode Guide | |
| Previous A Shot in the Dark |
Next Need for Weed |
An App a Day is a the 4th episode of Season 13 of Family Guy. It is the 304th episode, overall.
Synopsis[]
Chris becomes a sex offender after sending a girl a picture of his penis.
Plot[]
At the Clam, Peter finds out from his friends about cell phone apps when they use one to identify a song. Peter soon loads dozens of apps to his phone, which results in various situations. But when he gets it wet in the shower, he gives it to Chris who is able to fix it with advice from Meg. At school, Chris takes the advice of Neil Goldman to take a picture of his penis to send to a girl, but when she complains, Chris finds he is now considered a sex offender.
Chris' identity is exposed on the news and he finds he has to attend a rehabilitation class. When he finishes the class he is permitted to return to school but finds he is still a pariah by even Herbert. He goes to Peter for advice on how to change his image, but finds he will never shake his reputation. He decides to try his own method by having himself chemically castrated. Cleaned up and looking presentable but effeminate, his parents want him to stop taking his pills and return to normal but he refuses. They start to reconsider when his schooling improves when he no longer dedicates his time to masturbation. Using his new knowledge to tutor, he impresses Marcy, who's flirting with Chris restores his libido and returns him to normal.
Meanwhile, Stewie requests Brian give him a ride to tennis practice. At the Quahog Racquet Club, Brian is impressed by the booze, girls and vomit and decides to join Stewie in a doubles tournament after lying about being a great tennis player. However, Brian blows off practice to hang out with the girls. When he gets around to participating, he is forced to reveal he has never played before, frustrating the highly competitive Stewie. He quickly learns what to do but in the big match, Stewie unloads on the umpire over calls and gets them kicked out of the club.
Characters[]
Chris Griffin |also_appearing = Peter, Stewie, Brian, Lois, Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland, Principal Shepherd, Neil Goldman, Tom Tucker, John Herbert, Marcy Miller, Dimitri, Phillipa, Evan, Timmy, Bill, Mrs. Lapardo, Duane Chapman
Quotes[]
- [Quagmire is arguing with the other guys about the name of a song]
- Cleveland: Guys, calm down. There's one way to solve this. I'll just use my phone.
- [Cleveland samples the song]
- Cleveland: It says ""Around the World", by Daft Punk."
- Quagmire: Thank you! God, you idiots are exhausting.
- Peter: Hey Cleveland, how'd you do that with your phone?
- Joe: I am not an idiot.
- Cleveland: I used Shazam. It recognizes songs and tells you their names.
- Peter: Yeah? Hey, what if I farted into it?
- Cleveland: I don't know. Be my guest.
- [Peter farts into it]
- Peter: It says "Lana Del Rey."
- Lois: What are you doing?
- Peter: Well, I just found out about these things called Apps, so that's kind of all I do now.
- [Peter and Lois are deplaning in Hawaii and are presented a lei from a local woman]
- Peter: Okay, before you do anything else, I'm deathly allergic to pineapple, pork, rum, macadamia nuts, stupid tiny guitars, overpriced golf, sentimental military stuff, lava, people who I can't tell are black or Asian, apostrophes, anyone twirling flames, second weddings, and linen pants.
- Hawaiian woman: Is there anything you're not allergic to?
- Peter: Yeah, the Epcot Center, where I wanted to go.
- Principal Shepherd: Thank you for coming Mr. and Mrs. Griffin. We've got a bit of a situation, which is why I've asked Officer Swanson to join us. It appears Chris sent an inappropriate photo of himself to one of his classmates.
- Joe: That's right. He texted a picture of his peenie.
- Lois: Oh my God!
- Principal Shepherd: And apparently the girl-
- Peter: Oh, thank God.
- Tom: Coming up, teleprompter puts the period in a weird. place
- Chris: Dad, I completed that sеx rehab and I paid my debt to society, but people are still afraid of me, like I'm some kind of creep. How do I get them to treat me the way they did before all this happened?
- Peter: Chris, it doesn't work that way. I did the same thing when I was your age, and from experience I can tell you that what Lois said about you being a normal boy again is very wrong. While you can apply to have your non-violent felonies expunged with good behavior since you're a young offender, sex offences just don't go away because you've completed your classes, or you're a nice guy, or you were naive when you did it. And you think it's bad now? It's gonna get worse when you get older! You might have your internet use monitored indefinitely, and forevermore it's going to be on your record that you had to go through a rehab course for child sex offences. It'll be on your Visa, your life-record, and almost every job application, and every job you'll try to apply to, you'll always have to explain himself. You wanna know why I worked at the toy factory or currently work at the brewery? Because almost every other job I wanted to do turned me down because of my offences
- Chris: All for sending a picture of my penis?
- Peter: Yep. It's incredibly unfair, and it's not a happy thought.
- Chris: I don't have to do anything besides get to the windchime store before it closes.
- Peter: There can't be a whole store.
- Chris: To be fair, they also have a couple of kaleidoscopes.
- Peter: Aw, can I come? Lois, can I go to the store with that thing?
- Brian: Look, I'm just happy you pushed me because now, I can't wait for that tournament.
- Stewie: I know, it's gonna be great and I already know exactly where I'm gonna put that trophy!
- [Cutaway to an X-Ray of Stewie with the trophy shoved up his ass]
- Doctor 1: So the baby died?
- Doctor 2: Yeah, the baby died but look, first place.
- [Stewie hits a tennis ball out of the court]
- Referee: Out!
- Stewie: What?
- Referee: Your ball was long.
- Stewie: [angry] Are you shitting me? That thing was in! You're gonna penalise us because you're a blind, fucking, blue jacket piece of shit?!
- Brian: Stewie, calm down!
- Stewie: I will drop you to your knees and shove my racket so far down your throat, you'll be shitting my grip for a week!
- Referee: Warning, Mr. Griffin.
- Stewie: Oh, you're warning me? I'm warning you! I'm gonna go to your house and fuck your wife!
- [Stewie and Brian get kicked out of the Tennis Club and Stewie lashes out at the security guard]
- Stewie: You proud of yourself? Tennis Club security guard? Your kids look up to you? Big man, throwing out a baby and a dog. Tough guy. Maybe I'll see you later when you don't have that name tag on.
- Security Guard: I thought your shot was in.
- Stewie: [happy] Oh, hey! Pound it, dude!
- Marcy: Wow, that was really something.
- Chris: Marcy?
- Marcy: I had no idea you were such an amazing tutor and I really like your pendant.
- Chris: Thanks, but, why are you being so nice to me? You got me in so much trouble before.
- Marcy: Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. That was just my dumb, overprotective dad.
- Chris: Really?
- Marcy: Yeah. He took my phone to look at pictures of my friends and he found the one you sent.
- Chris: I bet that caught him by surprise.
- Marcy: Definitely.
- Chris: Well, I hope you know, that's not who I am anymore.
- Marcy: I do and I hope I didn't cause too much trouble.
- [Marcy touches Chris' arm and a cutaway shows people working in a furnace building in Chris' pants, resembling his penis]
- Boss: This is not a drill! I repeat, not a drill!
- [Two workers start shoveling coal into the furnace]
- Unnamed Worker: Good to be back doing this again, huh, Bill?
- Bill: What? Shoveling coal into a penis? I was sleeping.
- Lois: Well, Chris, you killed that librarian, but we're glad to have you back to your old self.
- Meg: Mrs. LaPorter worked at that school for 54 years.
- Peter: Well, at least she saw a little wang before taking that dirt nap.
Gallery[]
