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Ups Peter Shot Junior
A Shot in the Dark is an episode of Family Guy.

Synopsis

After their couch gets stolen, Peter starts up a neighborhood watch group.

Plot

TBA

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

[Joe is taking small talk class]
Joe: It sure is cloudy today.
Joe's teacher: Good, you could have also responded to Janet, who said her son died.
Joe: I'm sorry your son died on such a cloudy day.

[Peter shoots a shadowy figure, which is then revealed to be Cleveland Jr.]
Peter: Cleveland Jr.?
Junior: Mr. Griffin! You shot me!
Peter: Oh my God!
Lois Peter, where are you? Peter? Okay, I'm starting The Good Wife without you.
Peter: Phew, heh. I dodged a bullet.

[Dr. Hartman comes into the room with Cleveland Jr. and his parents]
Dr. Hartman: Okay, next is the Brown family...
[He notices that they heard him]
Dr. Hartman: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. Sometimes, I write descriptions of my patients to help me remember them.
Donna: No, it's okay. Our last name is Brown.
Dr. Hartman: Ah, okay. Phew. So, so this must be Chubster Dumb Dumb.

Donna: You wouldn't have fired that gun if he was white!
Peter: That's not true, I'll shoot anybody. Joe, give me your gun.
Joe: Here you go-hey wait a second!

Donna: [referring to Peter] I want this racist as far away from my kids as possible!
Dr. Hartman: [putting on latex gloves] Racist!? I use these gloves for everyone. Oh, you're talking about him.

Peter: Listen, ... Junior, Cleveland, Donna, Rallo, ... Ma ... C ... Latisha?
Roberta: It's Roberta.
Peter: I don't know your names.

Lois: You'll just have to prove to everybody that I'm not a racist.
Peter: Of course. I promise I'll do just that!
[Peter dresses in blackface and goes up to some black guys, playing basketball in the public basketball court]
Peter: Whazzup? Can a brotha join a game of basketball?
Tyrone: Sup, brah. Yeah, come on in. We need a fourth player. I'm Tyrone, and this is Kareem and DeShawn.
Peter: My name is uh, ... Blackson.
Tyrone: Blackson?
Peter: Yup.
Kareem: Alright. Black guy, black name. You'll be on my team.
Peter: You got it, DeShawn.
Kareem: Kareem.
Peter: Yup.
[Lois drives her car down the street and sees Peter with the black guys]
Lois: [gasp] What the hell!?
[Peter plays basketball with the black guys]
DeShawn: Yo, guys. Check it. I can slam dunk, while doing a backflip.
Tyrone: Pshht. Can not.
DeShawn: Can too. And I'll be recording myself doing it as well. [sets up a camera on a nearby bleacher]
Lois: [offscreen] PETER GRIFFIN!
Peter: Uh-Oh.
Tyrone: Uh-Oh, what? Who's she?
DeShawn: Yo, Blackson. You know her?
Peter: Yeah, sort of.
[Lois is shown in the car]
Lois: PETER, YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, RIGHT NOW!
DeShawn: Is she your wife?
Peter: No! She's not my wife I ... I just live with her.
Kareem: She's not your wife but you live with her?
Peter: It's a ... It's a complicated story.
[The black guys look at each other in suspicion; Lois gets out of the car]
Lois: PETER, GET IN THE CAR! WE'RE GOING HOME!
Tyrone: Why's she callin' you Peter?
Peter: It's, It's not my real name. It's my uh, she came up with it for me.
Tyrone: Why?
[Lois enters and smacks Peter with a magazine repeatedly]
Lois: YOU'RE A STUPID MAN! A STUPID, STUPID MAN!
Peter: Ow! You're hurting me! Stop it! Stop it, Lois!
Lois: NO! I'M SO SICK OF YOUR CRAP! YOU'RE COMING BACK TO MY HOUSE, WHERE YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE LAWN!
Peter: The lawn? Ow!
LOIS: YEAH! AND I'VE GOT LOADS OF CHORES FOR YOU TO DO TOO AS PUNISHMENT! YOU'LL BE WEEDING THE GARDEN! YOU'LL BE IRONING MY CLOTHES AND YOU'LL BE CLEANING THE WHOLE DAMN HOUSE! I'LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU NEVER LEAVE THE PROPERTY AGAIN! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT!?
Peter: NO! IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT! I'M SORRY!
Tyrone: DeShawn, you getting this?
DeShawn: Oh, yeah. I'm sending this into the news.
[Lois is shown reading the newspaper later that day]
Lois: [disturbed] Ohhh. That looks bad.

[Brian goes to Cleveland's lawn while Cleveland is gardening]
Brian: Hey, Cleveland. Look, I know Peter's been acting, ... unkind recently.
Cleveland: Yeah? What about it?
Brian: Well, I just wanted you to know that, I'm not a bad guy like him. I'm so much more tolerant and respectful.
Cleveland: Mmm-hmm.
Brian: So, I bought you a bottle of your favorite booze. Stool Bend Lager. [pops the cork] Party time!
Cleveland: Okay.
Brian: Take it.
Cleveland: Nah. Maybe later.
Brian: Okay, sure. [sets the beer down on the floor] Oh, hey, and check it. [takes out come cigars] Cigars! Wanna smoke? [lights up the cigars]
Cleveland: Eh. I guess.
Brian: Here you go-[drops a lit cigar] Oops.
[The cigar falls into the bottle of beer and a gust of fire blasts out, causing the bottle to tip over and light some grass on fire]
Brian: OH CRAP!
Cleveland: OH MY GOD! QUICK DO SOMETHING!
Brian: Hang on! [stuffs Cleveland's sweat rag into the bottle]
Cleveland: It's not working! Get rid of it!
[Brian picks up the flaming bottle, but it hurts his hands, so he tosses it around; Neighbors gather around and watch the event; Brian tosses the bottle through Cleveland's window, lighting the whole place on fire]
Brian: Whups.
Cleveland: MY HOUSE! YOU LIT MY HOUSE ON FIRE!
Brian: GET YOUR FAMILY OUT OF THERE OR THEY'RE ALL GUNNA DIE! ROUND UP YOUR FAMILY AND GET OUT OR YOU'RE ALL GUNNA BE SORRY! GET OUT NOW!
[The crowd of neighbors gasps, taking this scene out of context and assuming Brian to be a racist; A family of neo-nazis appears in the crowd]
Neo-Nazi Father: See kids? I told you we'd make friends here. I guess me getting transferred by the xerox corporation wasn't the worst thing after all.

Brian: I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are written on white paper.
Stewie: Yeah, white paper. Check your jacket pocket.
[Brian finds a note in his pocket and reads it]
Brian: "I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are written on white paper." Hey, look. I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't color blind.
Stewie: Check your other jacket pocket.
[Brian reads the other note]
Brian: "Hey, look I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't color blind." Stewie, you're a jerk!
Stewie: Check Chris' pocket.
[Brian sticks his hand in his pocket]
Brian: What? There's nothing in here and...Oh, God! The bottom of the pocket's been cut out!
Chris: Thanks, Brian. I was the mastermind behind this whole thing.

Carter: You don't wanna go back to jail, do ya?
[Peter sees his loving family smiling at him]
Peter: I don't know, ... maybe.

Brian: Boy, the world we live in, huh?
Chris: Brian, reach into Meg's pocket.
Meg: Go ahead, Brian.
Brian: I...I don't wanna.

Peter: Hey, how ya feeling there, champ?
Junior: I'm good. Getting better every day.
Peter: Oh, I'm happy to hear that. Look, I hope you know. I'm sorry.
Junior: Hey, these things happen.
Cleveland: That's my boy. Well, I'll be heading inside. Donna's making turkey for dinner.
Junior: Mmmm, turkey. I can't wait.
[Donna is shown in the burnt and broken window of the house, holding the turkey]
Donna: It's already been cooked!
Cleveland: Alright! Call me Dr. Peacock, cuz I'm going to turkey.
[Cleveland walks away and Junior starts to follow before stopping and turning back to Peter]
Junior: Mr. Griffin?
Peter: Yeah?
Junior: Just so you know, [abruptly gets really dark and threatening] I'm gunna be coming for yo ass.
Peter: [concerned] What's that now?
Junior: I'm saying it's on. After what you did to me, I'm gunna have to strike you back even harder, motherfucker!
Peter: [scared] What!?
Junior: You heard what I said. You're a dead honky!
Peter: [terrified] Oh, God please no! I'm sorry! I said I was sorry!
Junior: Sorry doesn't heal wounds. You ever feel the cool steel of a switchblade, pressed against your temple?
Peter: N-no!
Junior: [laughs in sunny delight again] Hey, Mr. Griffin, I'm just kidding.
Peter: [long pause] ... Oh. Oh, right ... [nervously chortles] I ... I knew that.
Junior: [chuckles] That's good. You know I'd never hurt you. I known for having a dark sense of humor.
Peter: [entirely happy] Oh, and another one, right off the bat. [laughs] Oh, you me going for a sec.
Junior: Well, you know I'm just playing. [dark again] or am I?
[Peter instantly pauses in shock]
Junior: Yeah, you're gunna be wondering about that for a while, ya fat bitch. [happily] See you later! La la la la la la la.
[Junior happily trots away, leaving Peter paralyzed in fear and confusion; Peter wets his pants]

Trivia

  • The title is a pun on the phrase of the same name, meaning to take a wild guess.
  • This is the second time Peter has thrown a flaming bottle into an African-American man's house. The first time was in "Jerome Is the New Black", throwing one into Jerome's house.
  • Peter struggles to remember Roberta's name, and addressed her as "Latisha".

Cultural References

  • This episode's plot is similar to the shooting of Trayvon Martin. Trayvon was shot by George Zimmerman, who claimed he had done so to protect himself and used a law known as "stand your ground" as his defense.
  • Lois watches The Good Wife.
  • Curious George is parodied as Serious George.
  • The Jay-Z lyrics that the lawyer recites are from the song "Threat".

Deleted Scenes

  • Joe talks about how weird the word "couch" is and is then revealed to take small talk classes.
  • Stewie says that it's not good that Peter used to look like Gene Hackman.
  • Cutaway gag about a guy pressing the easy button, causing a guy to wet his pants.
  • Quagmire and Joe talk about porn.
  • Extended version of The Beer Bar Buddies beating up the big-nosed guy.
  • Peter says he saw a kid riding a bike while holding a tennis racket.
  • Lois tempting Peter into fooling around, watching a movie, or clicking the crackle icon on the TV.
  • Peter saying "unlike you" in his "dodging a bullet joke".
  • Junior says that Cleveland refuses to open the door because it lets out too much air conditioning.
  • Cutaway gag to a speed limit sign insulting Peter.
  • Cutaway gag of Peter having a threesome with C.C.H. Pounder and S. Epatha Merkerson.
  • Stewie saying that a grocery store cashier snapped her fingers.
  • Peter playing basketball at the YMCA, while a guy tells a story about it and later shows porn to kids.
  • Alternate scene of Peter going in blackface, where Lois beats him in their own house.
  • Chris and Meg rip their hair out.
  • Peter giving booze and cigars to Cleveland and burning his house down, instead of Brian doing it.
  • Lois coming out of the house to ask Peter what's going on and Peter saying he's going to jail.
  • Chris sending Peter a "file" of paper in jail and Peter refuses to fix the microwave timer.
  • Peter's cellmate saying that he's falling in love with him and Peter falling in love back.
  • Cutaway gag to Carter reading a JAG fan fiction.
  • Brian making comments about racial injustice, which Stewie predicts, by hiding pieces of paper with his exact quotes on Chris' person.
  • Joe talking about soapy bottoms to a guy in the courthouse.
  • A callback joke to Brian's racial injustice quote, where Brian is tricked into touching Meg's ass.
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