Peter: Hi, I'm Peter
This is Lois
My sons Stewie and Chris
Our dog Brian
And the rest is this.
We live in Quahog near the beach
A wizard gave my baby the power of speech
Stewie: No one can hear me, but when I'm away
People in town can hear what I say.
Peter: This is Family Guy!
Brian: The dog talks too.
- It is a parody on the song, "Everything's Archie", the theme song of "The Archie Show", accompanied by a somewhat frame-for-frame recreation of the song, complete with the show's repeating animation cycles.
- Every family member is dressed as character from Archie. However, when the actual "episode" begins, everyone is in a completely different attire.
- This theme song gives a new narrative to justifying Stewie's ability to talk, claiming quite literally that "A Wizard Did It" in reference to the trope of the same name. In this narrative, a wizard cast a magic spell on Stewie, giving him the ability to talk, yet none of his immediate family can understand him. However, strangers around town can understand him perfectly.