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12 and a Half Angry Men

Revision as of 02:47, 23 January 2020 by Boyariffic (Message Wall | contribs) (→‎Quotes)
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Hubbub in the House

12 and a Half Angry Men is an episode of Family Guy.

Synopsis

Mayor West is accused of murder, and 12 Quahogians are summoned for a long-winded jury duty.

Plot

TBA

Characters

Major Roles

Minor Roles

Quotes

TV Announcer: We now return to Bottom Chef.
Padma: Daniel L., please pack your fudge and go.
Daniel: Fine!
Tom: Also found in the mayor's residence was a blackmail note from the victim threatening to expose the mayor in a corruption scandal unless the victim was paid off. You can put a picture of a note above my shoulder any time now, Tony.
[Tony puts a picture of the Rose Bowl parade up there]
Tom: No, that's the Rose Bowl Parade.
[Tony puts a picture of the Pumpkin Festival up there]
Tom: That's the Pumpkin Festival.
[Tony puts a picture of Tom in lingerie up there]
Tom: Okay, okay, you think that humiliates me? You-I-I don't care. Oscar Delahoya does it. I want people to know about this. I pretend my name is "Bronzie" and that I'm a professional pole dancer. Call me a queer, but it takes a real man to admit to something like this.
Mayor West: Thank you, Sensei.
[The Sensei appears in the courtroom]
Sensei: You're welcome, young grasshopper.
Mayor West: [gasp] He came!
Bruce: I guess we's making our decision now. All in favor of "guilty," raise your hands.
[Everyone raises their hands instantly]
Carter: Guilty. All guilty.
Quagmire: Good, well, that's it, let's get out of here.
Bruce: Anyone for "not guilty"?
[The jury looks at each other in intimidation, hoping that nobody will raise their hand. They don't expect anyone to, either; Just then, Brian raises his hand, much to the anger of everyone else; Everyone (except Bruce) rants and yells at him in anger]
Brian: What? I think he's innocent.
Carl: Come on, man, just change your opinion, so we can get on with our substitutes for lives.
Brian: I'm not changing my opinion. If it has to be unanimous, why don't you all say he's innocent?
[Everyone groans, except for Bruce]
Bruce: All right, looks like we's gonna be here a while.
Seamus: I take it, this means we be spending dinner here too.
Bruce: I guess so.
Seamus: Damn. I was gunna go Kraken hunting with the mateys tonight.
[Seamus takes out his phone; Camera pans to the right to reveal that outside the window, there's a pirate ship in the ocean]
Seamus: Not tonight, boys.
[The pirate ship sails away]
Pirates: [disappointed] Arrgh!
Bruce: Now, who wants pizza for dinner?
[Everyone raises their hands instantly]
Bruce: And who wants Purina Moist and Meaty Dog Chow?
[The jury looks at each other again, and Brian raises his hand in the same way, much to more angered arguing from the jury]
Peter: I had that for breakfast!
Dr. Hartman: Oh, shoot. That was a stomach ache. I told that guy, he had polio.
Brian: Look, the system specifies, the defendant must be proven guilty, beyond a reasonable doubt. Mayor West's life is on the line here. I'm just saying, it's possible he didn't do it.
[The other jurors argue and babble at him]
Peter: That's for the jury to decide!
Mort: Mayor West is crazy. He should have been locked up a long time ago.
Dr. Hartman: Yeah, there's definitely something off about him.
Consuela: He muy loco.
Quagmire: Look, Brian, are you forgetting that Mayor West has a long criminal record? The guy was caught speeding dozens of times.
[Cutaway to Mayor West speeding and a cop car chasing after him]
Mayor West: Slow down, speed demon!
[Back to scene]
Mort: And that's not all. Mayor West even robbed my pharmacy.
[Cutaway to Mayor West in Mort's Pharmacy; Mayor west is wearing a ski mask and he's holding a gun and a burlap sack; Mayor West holds Mort at gunpoint]
Mayor West: Alright, Shylock. I'm gunna ask you one more time. Put the money in the bag, or there will be consequences.
Mort: Oh, jeez.
[Police sirens are heard]
Mayor West: Damn! I have no time for this. I have to flee.
[Mayor West leaps on the counter, and jumps through a sky window in Mort's store, escaping just before the cops enter]
Cop: Put your hands up, dirtbag! Hey, where is he?
Mort: Oh, he just escaped. Oh, well. At least he didn't steal anything from my store.
Cop: You sure, cuz you seem to have run out of ski masks, guns, and burlap sacks.
[Mayor West, in his robber attire runs by the window, victoriously]
Mayor West: Ha ha!
Mort: Dammit!
[Back to scene]
Herbert: And let's not forget the time, he became a straight out supervillain.
[Cutaway to Adam West in his Original Batman attire, facing off against a more modern version of Batman in a Gotham City esque scene]
Adam West: There's only room in this town for one Batman, and that man is me.
Batman: Your time has come and gone, old man. This is the dawning of the age of Modern Batman.
Adam West: You wanna fight, newbie?
Batman: Gladly. I already know, I'm gunna beat you.
Adam West: Nothing beats the CLASSICS!
[Adam West and Batman jump toward each other]
Batman: I'M BATMAN!
Adam West: THAT WAS NEVER MY CATCHPHRASE!
[Just as Batman and Adam West go near each other, the cutaway ends, and we're back to the scene]
Consuela: Si, Mayor West criminal record dirtier than this table.
Bruce: Mayor West did say, he never saw the letter, and he was under oath.
Tom: Yeah, he lied.
Carter: Of course he lied. He's a politician. They're all liars.
Brian: Hey, that's not true.
Peter: Yeah, it is! John F. Kennedy swore he'd serve a full four-year term. Liar.
Brian: Look, we should be sticking to the facts, not stereotypes. It's unfair to say that all politicians are liars, therefore Mayor West is guilty.
Consuela: Si, stereotypes are no bueno.
Carl: You're really not the right person, to be saying that.
Consuela: Ay, caramba! Me say no, no, no, to esteriotipos! Ay ay ay!
Bruce: Maybe we should take a look at that letter.
Carl: Yeah, I'd like to see that, cuz I can read it, just like everybody else. [thought] And the charade continues.
Brian: I once got a note from the Marriott written on the same paper.
[Brian holds up a note he got]
Peter: [reading the note] Dear Brian, you were amazing last night. You made me feel like a natural woman. Love, Ida. [stops reading] Oh, this is from the night you had sex with Quagmire's dad!
Quagmire: Ah, come on!
Bruce: [reading Consuela's vote] El guilto.
Quagmire: The term, "orgy" is outdated. Now, we call them, "genital jamborees".
Peter: Do you guys mind if I struggle to open these blinds?
[Peter struggles to open the window blinds]
Peter: Damn it, come on, stay up there.
Brian: [offscreen] You got to yank it to the side, Peter.
Peter: I'm yanking it as far as it goes.
[Peter continues struggling to keep the blinds open]
Carl: [offscreen] You got to catch it on the thing.
Peter: [sarcastically] Oh, that's helpful.
[Peter continues trying to open the blinds]
Seamus: [offscreen] Arrgh, the left side be getting getting lower than the right side.
Peter: I can see what's happening.
[Peter yanks the blinds open, but still has to hold the strings to keep it up]
Quagmire: [offscreen] Now twist it.
Peter: All right.
[Peter tears the blinds off of the wall]
Peter: See? Now it's open.

Trivia

Cultural References

  • This episode's title and plot parody the film, 12 Angry Men. The title also parodies the sit-com, 2 and a Half Men.
  • Carter had planned to bomb a fault line to cause an earthquake and destroy half of Quahog as part of a land deal, a plot that Carl recognizes as being from the 1978 film Superman.
  • Mayor West has a fantasy to Tom Petty's "Into the Great Wide Open".
  • Tom Tucker says that he's not embarrassed about photos of him in women's underwear being shown because Oscar De La Hoya does it.

Continuity

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